uncertain about girlfriend..
we get on and everything (most of the time) been together almost 4 months now. we have great sex. we go out. my family like her. but theres just little problems that piss me off.
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
1) I hate to break it to you but your race could well be a factor in her keeping you secret. Apart from that if she knows it will cause more problems by telling her parents then I would do the same and keep schtum.
2) I wouldn't say any parent 'understands' their daughters need to sleepover at their boyfriends house.
3) She sounds insecure and like she's afraid you won't say it back, have you told her you love her yet?
2) I wouldn't say any parent 'understands' their daughters need to sleepover at their boyfriends house.
3) She sounds insecure and like she's afraid you won't say it back, have you told her you love her yet?
I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt... it sounds like she does really like you (after all, you seem certain she loves you) and if this is true then why are you worrying about the other 2 things? It's not as if she's unreliable, cancelling on you for going out with her friends. To me, it sounds like she has a rather protective family and she's worried that if she tells them about you, they won't let her out anymore. I had a friend whose family was like that and it was so humiliating and mortifying for her, she just wanted to be a different, stronger, independent girl for her boyfriend so of course he didn't know, she wanted to be the best for him. Have you tried talking to her about how you actually feel? And you need to consider that she might actually be in a tricky situation so don't let the fact that you're pissed off get in the way.
Don't forget that parents for guys and for girls are completely different things. As a girl, I know that my mum was always super protective when it came to boyfriends; she literally could not relax! And saying "if she knew about us, she might understand and let her stay at mine..." no no no, definitely not true! I had to lie to my mum when I stayed at my boyfriends! I had to tell her that either one of our mutual, female friends was there or that it was a big sleepover, we were staying in different rooms, yes his parents were always checking up on us...
Girls parents are so much more protective. And you just need to show her that you are trustworthy. Also, 4 months isn't that long, you have plenty of time ahead for her to tell her parents and for you both to open up to each other. Which you kind of need to do.
Don't forget that parents for guys and for girls are completely different things. As a girl, I know that my mum was always super protective when it came to boyfriends; she literally could not relax! And saying "if she knew about us, she might understand and let her stay at mine..." no no no, definitely not true! I had to lie to my mum when I stayed at my boyfriends! I had to tell her that either one of our mutual, female friends was there or that it was a big sleepover, we were staying in different rooms, yes his parents were always checking up on us...
Girls parents are so much more protective. And you just need to show her that you are trustworthy. Also, 4 months isn't that long, you have plenty of time ahead for her to tell her parents and for you both to open up to each other. Which you kind of need to do.
sounds a little like my bf, he hasn't told his parents after over a year, and despite telling me he loves me occasionally, just sometimes isn't sure 
but i love him, and i do know he cares about me a lot, so I'm not giving up on him! as for the parents thing, i have absolutely no idea but we had so many arguments over it, that i'm dropping it for now and hoping it'll come out someday soon, i'm not gonna leave him over something that isn't the be all and end all of the relationship.
as for the parents thing, and not being allowed out etc, she may have very strict parents? i know if i had plans and my parents hadn't given me specific permission (back when i lived at home), or hadn't told them exactly when i'd be out, then if they said i had to do something, that was the ruling and I'd have to cancel. though i see your point about wishing it wouldnt happen, and wanting her to come out about you two, so that you can meet up.
to find out why she's not telling them, you really need to sit down and have a proper chat, and get the matter resolved before doing anything else, moving onto other subjects, or more physical stuff what have you.
she's the only one who can tell you why it's like it is! but if you really like her, and want to be with her, then surely you can look past the little things, or learn to tolerate them until it's no longer an issue?
as for the Uni thing...who knows? a lot of girls are insecure, just make sure you show her you care and aren't looking to find anyone else, and are trustworthy, promise to travel between unis and visit on weekends etc, maybe even plan the first visit?
good luck x
but i love him, and i do know he cares about me a lot, so I'm not giving up on him! as for the parents thing, i have absolutely no idea but we had so many arguments over it, that i'm dropping it for now and hoping it'll come out someday soon, i'm not gonna leave him over something that isn't the be all and end all of the relationship.as for the parents thing, and not being allowed out etc, she may have very strict parents? i know if i had plans and my parents hadn't given me specific permission (back when i lived at home), or hadn't told them exactly when i'd be out, then if they said i had to do something, that was the ruling and I'd have to cancel. though i see your point about wishing it wouldnt happen, and wanting her to come out about you two, so that you can meet up.
to find out why she's not telling them, you really need to sit down and have a proper chat, and get the matter resolved before doing anything else, moving onto other subjects, or more physical stuff what have you.
she's the only one who can tell you why it's like it is! but if you really like her, and want to be with her, then surely you can look past the little things, or learn to tolerate them until it's no longer an issue?
as for the Uni thing...who knows? a lot of girls are insecure, just make sure you show her you care and aren't looking to find anyone else, and are trustworthy, promise to travel between unis and visit on weekends etc, maybe even plan the first visit?
good luck x
if you're from southampton why do you keep spelling "mum" as "mom?"
Original post by junglejungle
if you're from southampton why do you keep spelling "mum" as "mom?"
because it's the awesome way of spelling it
BOTTOM LINE: Tradition + Culture + Morals= RACE!!
1. Maybe, she isnt really 'allowed' to have a boyfriend.
2. If her mum tells her to do her chores, she has to. Its called respecting her elders.
3. She could be un-emotional because she doesnt actually know where this relationship is going and is afraid to get in 'way-to-deep'.
4. Have a chat with her. Let her know how you feel, and encourage her to tell you the truth.
1. Maybe, she isnt really 'allowed' to have a boyfriend.
2. If her mum tells her to do her chores, she has to. Its called respecting her elders.
3. She could be un-emotional because she doesnt actually know where this relationship is going and is afraid to get in 'way-to-deep'.
4. Have a chat with her. Let her know how you feel, and encourage her to tell you the truth.
thank you, all of you..
its just really frustrating. she even goes and wears my clothes at her place (hoody and football top).. her mom has spoken to her friends, cousin etc about how she KNOWS she has a boyfriend but she just wont admit it or tell her...
like saturday morning, she got a call from her friend or something, waking us both up, at 9 oclock saying shes going to her house.. so my gf, hurried up got dressed and disapeared back home before her mom thought something funny was going on. its just as if were kids.... shes a pretty selfish too when she wants to be... shes quite happy to take a hell of a lot of things without giving much back. . . and i yearn the day i meet a girlfriend with SOME cash, at least...
really frustrated. just dont know if its worth the stress...
its just really frustrating. she even goes and wears my clothes at her place (hoody and football top).. her mom has spoken to her friends, cousin etc about how she KNOWS she has a boyfriend but she just wont admit it or tell her...
like saturday morning, she got a call from her friend or something, waking us both up, at 9 oclock saying shes going to her house.. so my gf, hurried up got dressed and disapeared back home before her mom thought something funny was going on. its just as if were kids.... shes a pretty selfish too when she wants to be... shes quite happy to take a hell of a lot of things without giving much back. . . and i yearn the day i meet a girlfriend with SOME cash, at least...
really frustrated. just dont know if its worth the stress...
Original post by PotPon
we get on and everything (most of the time) been together almost 4 months now. we have great sex. we go out. my family like her. but theres just little problems that piss me off.
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
Original post by navarre
She could be gay
Jesus caught her riding dirty.
Original post by PotPon
we get on and everything (most of the time) been together almost 4 months now. we have great sex. we go out. my family like her. but theres just little problems that piss me off.
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
like one; her family (mom and dad) dont know about me... now, i dont know the reason. she says its just because she doesnt tell her mom that kinda thing and if she did, she'd only pester her to do more chores or ask where she is more... (were both 19 by the way).. theres also the possibility that im white and she along with the whole family are black... but i dont think thats it.... at least it better not be...
two; shes not what id call.. reliable.. for example, sometimes she will change plans last minute mainly down to her mom asking her to do things or stay in and watch her siblings or gay things like that.. where i just think if she told her she had a bf, surely she'd understand her staying at my place some nights...
three; shes so un-emotional... she says shes never been in love,etc... but i can tell shes fallen for me... shes said before things along the lines of "oh, you dont like me as much as you" and shes worried ill find somebody else when she leaves for uni. that kinda stuff. why cant she, after 4 months come out and say she loves me? now thats going to sound stupid, but if you was me, you'd get it...
why is she acting like this?
1) Could well be race, im sorry to say, but its not unheard of. Or, it could just be that her mom would not be best impressed by her daughter having a boyfriend, thats not unheard of either. Why not just ask her?
2) Unavoidable whilst living with your parents, I've had to drop plans to pick up my sister or w/e, its a pain to be sure, but family comes first - simple. Dont be so, well, selfish. Also, end of point 2) i refer you back to 1).
3) 4 months is not a long time at all, me and my ex (together 18 months) didnt say we loved each other for a good 8/9 months. Its not beingu unemotional, its being mature. Also, if i were you, I'd ask, if its bothering me so much.
Re-occuring theme to this post, ask her.
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