Am I in the Friendzone?
Anon or delete. It's embarassing enough admitting I need help with this anonymously.
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Original post by Anonymous
Anon or delete. It's embarassing enough admitting I need help with this anonymously.
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Maybe as you said she never liked you as more than a friend in the first place (as you said you weren't sure if there was a spark on her side to begin with)
Because you disappeared for a bit if there ever was a spark she probably assumed it was not meant to be and moved on
However, dancing with someone on a night out hardly screams "she's into him" - it could have been totally innocent
It's obvious you like the girl so try and spend more time with her and see if you can get back into those times you liked earlier on
Maybe it will lead on to something or maybe it wont be there is only one way to find out
Original post by Anonymous
Anon or delete. It's embarassing enough admitting I need help with this anonymously.
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Sadly I think at this stage your just a friend, I wouldn't say you were in "the friend zone" as of yet as you haven't spent enough time together to really establish something and neither of you have voiced your true feelings. Maybe spend more time with her and then, when she isn't involved with someone else speak to her about how you really feel. For all you know you may realise when you get to know her more you may realise you are infatuated with ideas you've conceived about her that may not necessarily be true.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
General rule of thumb: If you don't know then you are in the friendzone.
Thanks to those who have posted so far, all with valid points.
I want to clarify that she is definitely involved to some degree (not FB official) with this other dude...when I say they were dancing together I don't mean in close proximity to one another I mean Dirty Dancing Havana Nights type stuff.
I've been trying to set something up with her since I met her. There was originally another boyfriend in the picture, then he disappeared around New Years and everything was going well until I did a David Hasselhoff. Basically I only see her twice or three times every couple of months, not nearly enough to get to know her properly, don't communicate over social networking and don't feel I could start doing so in a manner that wasn't awkward or a bit unusual, and yet I still can't take my mind off of her. Someone mentioned this could be infatuation caused by mental projection rather than her own virtues and this is very possibly true (although everything I do know about her is genuinely great) but even if it is true it does nothing to help my addled mind.
I want to clarify that she is definitely involved to some degree (not FB official) with this other dude...when I say they were dancing together I don't mean in close proximity to one another I mean Dirty Dancing Havana Nights type stuff.
I've been trying to set something up with her since I met her. There was originally another boyfriend in the picture, then he disappeared around New Years and everything was going well until I did a David Hasselhoff. Basically I only see her twice or three times every couple of months, not nearly enough to get to know her properly, don't communicate over social networking and don't feel I could start doing so in a manner that wasn't awkward or a bit unusual, and yet I still can't take my mind off of her. Someone mentioned this could be infatuation caused by mental projection rather than her own virtues and this is very possibly true (although everything I do know about her is genuinely great) but even if it is true it does nothing to help my addled mind.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon or delete. It's embarassing enough admitting I need help with this anonymously.
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Background: I'm in my first year of uni away from home. Around the time I left, I met a girl a year younger than me. We've only really spoken for longer than 5 minutes on 5 or 6 occasions but this has been enough for me to develop a very strong attraction to her. This is either pathetic or some kind of violent natural chemistry. I'll leave it to how empathetic you're feeling to decide. Anyway, I know her wider group of friends all find me attractive, but I don't know that she specifically does. We coincided at a New Years party and spent most of the night together dancing and...I'm not sure what else, though I'm told by reliable sources that nothing intimate happened. I may or may not have drunk an entire bottle of gin and gone and passed out on a couch (I did).
So anyway, I'm back in town the other night after a few months away and I come across her in a club. She's in a pretty large group of friends who I don't know and doesn't see me so I head off back to my own friends. Halfway up the stairs I get tapped on the shoulder and turn around to find her staring at me. "How long have you been back, Why didn't you let me know, etc." (we're friends on social networks but have never communicated through them). She made a huge point of finding out where I was and arranging to meet later on, but never showed. As I was heading out for a smoke I saw her dancing with a male acquaintance I'd already told she was involved in "something" with.
So, if you're still reading and don't actually hate me yet, which of these four is going on:
a.) She just was glad to see a friend after a long pause, you're overthinking massively, chill out
b.) She's into you, but she's also got this thing going on with this other guy who is around all year and doesn't want to jeopardize that without knowing you're equally keen on her
c.) She was drunk and though you were Enrique Iglesias
d.) Other
Hey mate, firstly I love the way you wrote down the possibilities! Kudos for the sense of humour.
I personally think its somewhere between (a) and (b). I think the bottom line is that if you were around a lot more, i.e. saw her a couple of times a week, or had regular conversations with her, then she probably would be more interested in you. The fact that you're away at uni and only see her a couple of times a month or two is mostly likely the thing that's stopping her getting more involved with you.
I can't see how you can get around that distance issue. Unless you've got time on your hands and don't mind travelling to see her more often, then you might just have to let it go. However, if you feel that you can invest the time and you like her, then I would act soon. The fact that she found you at the club and inquired when you were back suggests that she has taken a bit of liking to you after the new years thing. That's why I think you've got a chance but its up to you to make the moves. Given you've spoken recently, I would try messaging/chatting to her on fb and then move to texting. Thats quite straightforward in your situation.
As to this other guy, well basically you have a bit of competition. Though he may not be her boyfriend just yet, he could very well be soon. For now, I wouldn't worry about him; he's the external factor you know not very much about at this stage apart from hear-say. If you like her, do something now is my advice!
I don't think you see her often enough to be in the typical friendzone. I think she may like you, but you've shown no signs of being interested in her in a physical way, and that's why she dances with that other guy. She's not gonna make a move herself, and she's not gonna hang around you waiting for something to happen, given that you haven't really shown that you might be interested. Next time you're out with her, kiss her. Doesn't matter how you go about doing it, but make it happen, and let her know that you don't just wanna be a dancing/drinking buddy. I'd wager £5 that she reacts positively.
Honestly, huge thanks to you all, whether you took the time to pass on perspectives or just made me laugh a bit, I had all this **** swirling around in my head and getting it out and then hearing from all of you has more or less set things into an intelligible order.
Travelling back home more often is not really an option, and it's true that if anything is to come of this I'd have to escalate the situation, to use questionably appropriate terminology. It's hard to let go of this crazy attraction that hit me, but it's really the only practical option. I'll make my move if I get the chance, but the "imagining-each-other-running-to-meet-in-slow-motion" business is unhealthy, unrealistic, impractical and admittedly in quite embarassing poor taste.
Shame though.
Travelling back home more often is not really an option, and it's true that if anything is to come of this I'd have to escalate the situation, to use questionably appropriate terminology. It's hard to let go of this crazy attraction that hit me, but it's really the only practical option. I'll make my move if I get the chance, but the "imagining-each-other-running-to-meet-in-slow-motion" business is unhealthy, unrealistic, impractical and admittedly in quite embarassing poor taste.
Shame though.
Original post by Ghostly.
I'm not even going to read this thread yet, I'm just gonna say:
Friendzoning does not exist.
Okay well it does in some terms, e.g. if you're with someone and then out of the blue they say they just want to be friends, but just because someone you like doesn't like you back doesn't mean they've "friendzoned" you. You can't just find someone you like and decide that you're going to be with them, and then blame them because they don't want to be with you. It doesn't work like that.
Friendzoning does not exist.
Okay well it does in some terms, e.g. if you're with someone and then out of the blue they say they just want to be friends, but just because someone you like doesn't like you back doesn't mean they've "friendzoned" you. You can't just find someone you like and decide that you're going to be with them, and then blame them because they don't want to be with you. It doesn't work like that.
I think you should read the thread first next time, pretty much the entirety of what you've said is irrelevant.
Original post by Ghostly.
I'm not even going to read this thread yet, I'm just gonna say:
Friendzoning does not exist.
Okay well it does in some terms, e.g. if you're with someone and then out of the blue they say they just want to be friends, but just because someone you like doesn't like you back doesn't mean they've "friendzoned" you. You can't just find someone you like and decide that you're going to be with them, and then blame them because they don't want to be with you. It doesn't work like that.
Friendzoning does not exist.
Okay well it does in some terms, e.g. if you're with someone and then out of the blue they say they just want to be friends, but just because someone you like doesn't like you back doesn't mean they've "friendzoned" you. You can't just find someone you like and decide that you're going to be with them, and then blame them because they don't want to be with you. It doesn't work like that.
He's not blaming her for anything. He's asking if she likes him or not and whether it's too late for her to see him as a future love intrest.
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