"out of your league"

the classic out of your league comment can mean so much. it can hurt someone or simply be a joke from friend to friend. i have recieved this 2 or 3 times and never really thought about it before me and my girlfriend got together some time ago.. i cant stand being told this as i am quite insecure as it is. i wondered if anyone has any advice on what they would do or any opinions on the matter. my girlfriend is beautiful i know that and i tell her pretty much every day. i have attatched the latest picture we took together in the sun :smile:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10455224_10152234860130885_3449925224149982584_n.jpg

Reply 1

cole-slaw

5

No such thing as leagues.

Reply 2

hprew

OP

that is quite powerful thanks cole-slaw. i may try and remember that for the future.

Reply 3

flou_fboco2

13

Original post by hprew

the classic out of your league comment can mean so much. it can hurt someone or simply be a joke from friend to friend. i have recieved this 2 or 3 times and never really thought about it before me and my girlfriend got together some time ago.. i cant stand being told this as i am quite insecure as it is. i wondered if anyone has any advice on what they would do or any opinions on the matter. my girlfriend is beautiful i know that and i tell her pretty much every day. i have attatched the latest picture we took together in the sun :smile:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10455224_10152234860130885_3449925224149982584_n.jpg

i honestly think that she is not out of your league :yep:

Reply 4

Wattsy

19

The 60 second post bumping thing is not kosher but neither of you are at the extremes on a spectrum of attractiveness so I think that there is always a chance for attraction. She's not out of your league anyway, there are no leagues as cole-slaw says. If it works it works, don't feel like you've peaked with her because then you set a precedent for a ceiling and ceilings inhibit ambition.

Reply 5

Numberwang

12

Original post by hprew

the classic out of your league comment can mean so much. it can hurt someone or simply be a joke from friend to friend. i have recieved this 2 or 3 times and never really thought about it before me and my girlfriend got together some time ago.. i cant stand being told this as i am quite insecure as it is. i wondered if anyone has any advice on what they would do or any opinions on the matter. my girlfriend is beautiful i know that and i tell her pretty much every day. i have attatched the latest picture we took together in the sun :smile:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10455224_10152234860130885_3449925224149982584_n.jpg

I think you're as attractive as she is attractive, if you know what I mean

Reply 6

Jaegon Targaryen

2

This whole league concept is quite stupid , get money and it will shock you how easy girls become.

Reply 7

hprew

OP

sorry, i didnt really know how to use that bump thing as im quite new on here. do you not need to do it? thanks for the different means of advice guys. i like the "ceilings inhibit ambition idea...

Reply 8

Rakas21

21

If you believe your not worthy then you've already lost.

Take it from somebody who started receding at 17 and was chubby from 19, you can have any girl you like if you have the initiative and confidence to go for it.

If they reject you.. Their loss.

Reply 9

hprew

OP

i guess id never really thought about it being an issue until others started making me aware of it..

Reply 10

miser

20

I don't think this idea of leagues is the best model for us to have, but I don't think it's total BS either. For most guys, good luck picking up a supermodel. The competition is too fierce. If you're a Championship team trying to play in the Premiership, maybe one in a thousand you'll win by fluke, but the reality is you're not going to have much success overall.

The bad part about this "she's out of your league" business is that it implies that you shouldn't try and that you should accept your station. People aren't born into a league and destined to never improve. If you want to play in the Premiership, improve yourself to the point that that's where you belong. Get in shape, get confidence, get a good career, be secure in yourself. Believe you're worth the effort and act that way, and over time you'll get there.

A lot of people are happy to settle though. Often the "she's out of your league" business is judgemental - if a friend says that to you, he doesn't have your best interests at heart. He doesn't want you to make it to the Premiership, because he thinks he's stuck in Championship forever. He's projecting his own insecurities and limiting beliefs onto you and expecting you to live by them too. Screw that. Become a high value person and you will be chosen by high value women.

P.S. I don't know anything about football so Premiership and Championship are the only leagues I know.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

hprew

OP

Original post by miser

I don't think this idea of leagues is the best model for us to have, but I don't think it's total BS either. For most guys, good luck picking up a supermodel. The competition is too fierce. If you're a Championship team trying to play in the Premiership, maybe one in a thousand you'll win by fluke, but the reality is you're not going to have much success overall.

The bad part about this "she's out of your league" business is that it implies that you shouldn't try and that you should accept your station. People aren't born into a league and destined to never improve. If you want to play in the Premiership, improve yourself to the point that that's where you belong. Get in shape, get confidence, get a good career, be secure in yourself. Believe you're worth the effort and act that way, and over time you'll get there.

A lot of people are happy to settle though. Often the "she's out of your league" business is judgemental - if a friend says that to you, he doesn't have your best interests at heart. He doesn't want you to make it to the Premiership, because he thinks he's stuck in Championship forever. He's projecting his own insecurities and limiting beliefs onto you and expecting you to live by them too. Screw that. Become a high value person and you will be chosen by high value women.

P.S. I don't know anything about football so Premiership and Championship are the only leagues I know.

thanks, so what would you advise me to do because i wouldnt describe myself as fat and i cant really change the way my face looks? just improve my confidence? im not really sure how i'd go about that...

Reply 12

miser

20

Original post by Jaegon Targaryen

This whole league concept is quite stupid , get money and it will shock you how easy girls become.

It might shock you how many rich guys find it hard to meet quality women because down-to-earth women are often distrusting of rich men. Wealth is attractive, but on a superficial level - it implies you have other qualities, but if you don't have them then she'll find out eventually. Everyone has problems and most of them come down to who you are as a person - wealth alone won't make a person's relationships easy.

Reply 13

miser

20

Original post by hprew

thanks, so what would you advise me to do because i wouldnt describe myself as fat and i cant really change the way my face looks? just improve my confidence? im not really sure how i'd go about that...

My advice would be to work out who you are as a person and become comfortable with that. Being totally secure in yourself is a very attractive and valuable thing. When you value yourself, you look after yourself - eating well, keeping fit, dressing well, etc. So when you do those things, it communicates that you have this self-worth.

Work out what your goals in life are and make steps all the time towards achieving them. Be someone who's going somewhere in life. Women are like talent scouts - they love guys who they think are going somewhere. Fill your life with the things you enjoy and have a positive outlook. Most of all, contribute value to the people around you.

These aren't easy things to do. You have to spend time to discover these things about yourself and work them into your life. You need to keep in mind that moving "leagues" is playing the long game - it's not an overnight process. It's about building your character into the person you want to be, which takes time. So there are no quick fixes and no guy on the internet can really do much to get you to do any of it, but if you believe that you're worth the effort, you will do it automatically. In my case, I know I'll meet my goals because I work towards them even on autopilot - they're just part of who I am.

If you're able to work out what you want from life and start seeing yourself making step after step in getting there, self-esteem, confidence and security will come naturally. These things can't be learned from a WikiHow - if they're going to be truly ingrained, they need to be organic.

So for the short-term, make sure you're eating right, dressing well, keeping fit and being social, but in the long-term you need to know what you want from life and start walking in that direction. That's what it takes to really change leagues.

Reply 14

NathanW18

19

I don't think she is out of your league. You look good together. Don't worry about what other people say.

Reply 15

Jaegon Targaryen

2

Original post by miser

It might shock you how many rich guys find it hard to meet quality women because down-to-earth women are often distrusting of rich men. Wealth is attractive, but on a superficial level - it implies you have other qualities, but if you don't have them then she'll find out eventually. Everyone has problems and most of them come down to who you are as a person - wealth alone won't make a person's relationships easy.

Your definitely right in that aspect .

Reply 16

slg60

17

Original post by hprew

that is quite powerful thanks cole-slaw. i may try and remember that for the future.

Sadly he is wrong, although I do not think that she is out of your league.

Reply 17

fojodef

Original post by hprew

the classic out of your league comment can mean so much. it can hurt someone or simply be a joke from friend to friend. i have recieved this 2 or 3 times and never really thought about it before me and my girlfriend got together some time ago.. i cant stand being told this as i am quite insecure as it is. i wondered if anyone has any advice on what they would do or any opinions on the matter. my girlfriend is beautiful i know that and i tell her pretty much every day. i have attatched the latest picture we took together in the sun :smile:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/t1.0-9/10455224_10152234860130885_3449925224149982584_n.jpg

well if its a guy saying your girls out of your league than you can just say.

maybe she is. but that still makes you a league below me. since you know... im actually with her.