Please help! So confused!
Hi all,
Really need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, I wouldn't say we've always had the best relationship, a bit up & down but we have a 16 month old little boy which is why I'm so stuck with what to do. My boyfriend hasn't had a job for close to 2 years now, I work 6 days a week every week aswell as looking after our son and he sees us 3 days a week and doesn't work, this is obviously annoying me that I am providing for our son by myself, in the whole 16 months that my son has been here aswell as the 9 months of pregnancy my BF has bought 1 outfit, 1 pair of shoes, 2 toys and 2 packs of nappies. I buy the rest. Not only that, my BF is always asking me for money. He will nag and nag me for hours if I say no to the point he stresses me out so much that I give in. I had a stroke a year ago and I feel very stressed out which is not good for my health. In the 4 years we've been together, he's bought me birthday and christmas presents 1 year out of 4 as last year I had to buy my own and make out he bought them so he didn't look bad to my family. My parents are not a fan of his as you can imagine but I'm so lost and confused about what to do. I dont want to break up our family, I love him and bonding/playing wise he's great with our son but as a provider he's useless and he can't look after us or help to provide for us. What would u do in my situation please? Help! 😥
Really need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, I wouldn't say we've always had the best relationship, a bit up & down but we have a 16 month old little boy which is why I'm so stuck with what to do. My boyfriend hasn't had a job for close to 2 years now, I work 6 days a week every week aswell as looking after our son and he sees us 3 days a week and doesn't work, this is obviously annoying me that I am providing for our son by myself, in the whole 16 months that my son has been here aswell as the 9 months of pregnancy my BF has bought 1 outfit, 1 pair of shoes, 2 toys and 2 packs of nappies. I buy the rest. Not only that, my BF is always asking me for money. He will nag and nag me for hours if I say no to the point he stresses me out so much that I give in. I had a stroke a year ago and I feel very stressed out which is not good for my health. In the 4 years we've been together, he's bought me birthday and christmas presents 1 year out of 4 as last year I had to buy my own and make out he bought them so he didn't look bad to my family. My parents are not a fan of his as you can imagine but I'm so lost and confused about what to do. I dont want to break up our family, I love him and bonding/playing wise he's great with our son but as a provider he's useless and he can't look after us or help to provide for us. What would u do in my situation please? Help! 😥
Hi. I think that you should try to go all therapist on his ass and politely and comfortingly help him to open up. Maybe there's a genuine reason why he doesn't work or he could just be lazy. Either way, try to find out. Did he work before you had your baby? Try not to assume the worst of him, even though he obviously hasn't been much help to both you and your son. I hope this helped you in some way x
Original post by shawn_o1
Help him get a job, it's not fair on you that he financially depends on you
I apply for jobs for him, because he doesn't live with me I'm unsure if he even responds to job interviews or anything, he'll ask me for money for a 'job interview' knowing that I'll give him money but nothing seems to come of it. I'm trying to look after myself & our son without having to provide for him to. He just doesnt listen, promises the world but it never happens.
Original post by x_WelshChick_x
I apply for jobs for him, because he doesn't live with me I'm unsure if he even responds to job interviews or anything, he'll ask me for money for a 'job interview' knowing that I'll give him money but nothing seems to come of it. I'm trying to look after myself & our son without having to provide for him to. He just doesnt listen, promises the world but it never happens.
Have you ever thought about speaking to him directly about this ?
Original post by SourSkittles178
Hi. I think that you should try to go all therapist on his ass and politely and comfortingly help him to open up. Maybe there's a genuine reason why he doesn't work or he could just be lazy. Either way, try to find out. Did he work before you had your baby? Try not to assume the worst of him, even though he obviously hasn't been much help to both you and your son. I hope this helped you in some way x
He had the odd job here & there but it was just temporary work. No we couldn't afford to have a baby but I was on the pill & fell pregnant so had to work with what was happening. I've asked him many times about finding work & he says he doesn't have the confidence but with a child to support he should put our son before himself. As for the confidence, he's had plenty of previous jobs so I think he uses it as an excuse. If it was me in his situation then I'd apply for anything as long as I knew my child was being provided for. He's got me in to so much debt, just don't know what else to do. Speaking to him is like speaking to a wall, thank u for your reply x
Original post by iAre Teh Lejend
Have you ever thought about speaking to him directly about this ?
Many times, hence why Im on here seeking advice 😒 I can't get advice from anywhere else as I'm ashamed to speak to anyone about my situation or about him because I don't want people to judge me for being so stupid or to judge him for not pulling his weight. 4 years is a lot to throw away and its so hard to just leave but the longer I stay the more debt he'll get me in to, the more he'll stay the way he is.
Original post by keladry
Honesty he sounds selfish, if you have tried to talk to him about these problems and nothing has changed then don't throw away another 4 years. You and your son deserve better.
He is very selfish. Things were great at the beginning but from the get go he used to ask me for money, I was silly at the time, had stars in my eyes I suppose and when I fell pregnant he promised he'd change. He hasn't, he hasn't provided anything the whole time our little boy has been here, neither did he while I was pregnant. He just takes off me, manipulates me in to giving him money and never once makes me feel worthy or special to him, it's my birthday next friday and for the 3rd year in a row he probably won't even buy me a present. My mum will be the one who buys me a present and card off my little boy, it should be him. I feel like I've been married for 30 years, I'm only 27. I shouldn't be made to feel this way but I'm finding it so difficult to be brave and walk away.
Original post by x_WelshChick_x
He is very selfish. Things were great at the beginning but from the get go he used to ask me for money, I was silly at the time, had stars in my eyes I suppose and when I fell pregnant he promised he'd change. He hasn't, he hasn't provided anything the whole time our little boy has been here, neither did he while I was pregnant. He just takes off me, manipulates me in to giving him money and never once makes me feel worthy or special to him, it's my birthday next friday and for the 3rd year in a row he probably won't even buy me a present. My mum will be the one who buys me a present and card off my little boy, it should be him. I feel like I've been married for 30 years, I'm only 27. I shouldn't be made to feel this way but I'm finding it so difficult to be brave and walk away.
It sounds to be honest like you know exactly what to do.
Don't be ashamed to talk to your family about this, but be honest with yourself. He is not going to change and if you continue to stay with him you're looking at an unhappy life for at least another 18 years. And honestly if you are ever going to leave him it's better to do it now while your son is still too young to remember you two being together, it saves a lot of confusion and hurt on your sons part that way.
Original post by StolenPrivacy
Jeremy Kyle - And tell us when you're on so we can get a little laugh...
Well, aren't you an idiot. I don't belong on Jeremy Kyle, I'm to good for that show. I actually have a job and a whole set of teeth thank you.
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