Losing a sense of security

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and it was the best thing to do as, although I had been away for a couple of months, before I went away our relationship was quite rocky. We both knew that we weren’t really that compatible. He says he still loves me, but that we aren’t happy in our relationship, and that we should stay friends.

I’m very upset because we’ve been going out for nearly a year and I’ve partially moved in with him and his parents and we had a nice routine going on for the last few months (before I was away). I’m not really coping well with losing that sense of security as he is the only person I can tell well and truly anything to. Sounds terrible but he is one of the only people who keeps me feeling good about myself.

We will still meet up and even have sleepovers, but just as ‘friends’. Even though we broke up yesterday, I still stayed round his house for the night and we still kissed and cuddled, and joked that we’re friends, but very close friends indeed. Any advice on this situation?

Reply 1

shawn_o1

21

Maybe you'll be reminded of how the relationship made you feel, and cut him off completely. Or it's just a temporary break because he's busy furthering his career, and you'll get back together with more certainty that your relationship will blossom?

Reply 2

Adz2042

18

So you're now FWB if you're still sleeping over at his, even though you're not dating?

Reply 3

Shamim rahmah

Welll I think it’s quite clear you both still have feelings for each other, just because things didn’t work out doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try again

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by shawn_o1

Maybe you'll be reminded of how the relationship made you feel, and cut him off completely. Or it's just a temporary break because he's busy furthering his career, and you'll get back together with more certainty that your relationship will blossom?

Cutting him off sounds so hard though. My opinion is that, since I was abroad volunteering for 2 months away from him, it may make sense to try again as that was the ‘break’. He wants to break up permanently. Thanks for your reply :smile:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Adz2042

So you're now FWB if you're still sleeping over at his, even though you're not dating?

Hmm I guess so. We are planning to be platonic friends but it’s kind of inevitable that it won’t stay that way as we both still have feelings.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Shamim rahmah

Welll I think it’s quite clear you both still have feelings for each other, just because things didn’t work out doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a try again

Yeah we do. And maybe after a couple of weeks, I might suggest that.

Reply 7

Adz2042

18

Original post by Anonymous

Hmm I guess so. We are planning to be platonic friends but it’s kind of inevitable that it won’t stay that way as we both still have feelings.

It's very hard to remain friends after a breakup.
Either just cut all contact, or try to work it out between you and get back together.
FYI, Friends with Benefits tend not to last for long. You end up feeling empty, lonely and worthless after a while.
Have you not seen the film?

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Adz2042

It's very hard to remain friends after a breakup.
Either just cut all contact, or try to work it out between you and get back together.
FYI, Friends with Benefits tend not to last for long. You end up feeling empty, lonely and worthless after a while.
Have you not seen the film?

He just messaged me saying he doesn’t want to see me for a while so maybe the issue has solved itself. And yeah I saw he film ages ago. I don’t actually think that I would be happy in a fwb situation.

Reply 9

Adz2042

18

Original post by Anonymous

He just messaged me saying he doesn’t want to see me for a while so maybe the issue has solved itself. And yeah I saw he film ages ago. I don’t actually think that I would be happy in a fwb situation.

Now you can focus on yourself, getting happy again and not giving a fk over him.
Go for a swim as it does help, and if you're near the coast, sit on a bench / beach for a few hours as that also helps too.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Adz2042

Now you can focus on yourself, getting happy again and not giving a fk over him.
Go for a swim as it does help, and if you're near the coast, sit on a bench / beach for a few hours as that also helps too.