My Flatmates are all boys

Hello, I am a male studying business management at university. I live in student accommodation at the moment with myself and 9 other people. I have been here for exactly one month now.The room is good quality but unfortunately I have to share a kitchen with 9 other residents which is not what I would have liked but I would have been happier to share a kitchen with better flatmates particularly more girls.

You might think I am weird or a bit of a creep for wanting this but it is not because I want to flirt with them or be in a relationship with them, it is just that I have not really had any friends that are girls and I thought university would be a great place to start. Now you are probably thinking, I can make friends with girls in my course or through societies but in my opinion it is more harder that way and I am struggling that way because I am just not a likable person, I think people think I am boring but I try my best to be funny and unique. In the flats, flatmates are kind of forced to talk to one another eventually, even if it is just small talk that is fine, I am fine, I do not generally have huge conversations with girls so this is a huge step for me. It would be nice to talk to them about their lectures and lives and get to socialise. However, I understand not all girls like to socialise, some may stick to themselves but I am a good resident so I am not an intimidating person to live with. Even if they do not talk, just being in the company of girls particularly quiet people would be nice than dealing with loud boys who give me a headache every time I see them.

Another reason I would like to have girls in my flat is that, not all girls but generally girls can be more nicer and less of a nuisance and also more cleaner in the kitchen, however this is not always the case since girls can be also rude, loud and messy. Boys can also be quiet, nice and clean but the boys I am with are unfortunately those mean popular kids that everybody likes and I feel rather uncomfortable being in the kitchen with them especially with the mess they make and every time they talk to me, they always talk about drinking, partying and football, all hobbies which I do not like. Most of my flatmates are basically an already established group of friends after already a month of being here and I feel left out as I do not party a lot during late nights as I am not a fan of drinking and I always have low energy as I struggle with anxiety and depression.

I do not mind living with some boys, it is just that all my flatmates are boys and it just annoys me because when I applied for student accommodation, I selected mixed sex accommodation, which means boys and girls, clearly the university did not get that part. I understand it is a hard job for a university to put everybody with who they want but I feel like I am the only flat with just boys and I see other flat's kitchens with a mix between boys and girls and it looks so much more nicer and more fun like I want to be to join in. Because of the boys I am with, I have just been staying in my room mostly, being afraid to come out and eat in the kitchen as I have never have the opportunity to cook as they are always there cooking and the tables and sinks are all dirty so I am unable to eat or wash up.

However, I am not asking for all of my flatmates to be girls as that can go the wrong way since they would all hang out together because when there is a huge group of girls, they tend to stick together, especially when there is just one boy living with them and I will be left out again and that will not do me any good. An even split would be nice so 5 boys and 5 girls would be perfect or maybe slightly more girls and slightly less boys like 6 or 7 girls and 3 or 4 boys would be good as well.

I want to have a better flat because I do not think I can stay for a full year and I want to move flats but however this is too much hassle and there will not be a valid reason of wanting to change flats, saying that because my flat is full of boys is not really a good enough excuse, yes they are loud but still this is university and university is known as party central so they expect me to deal with it. Unless something really bad happens like for example, one of the flatmates beat me up then maybe I have a better chance of being moved but I do not want that to happen though. Also I doubt, there will be any spaces left for me and even if I randomly join another flat, all the other flatmates will know each other and I will feel left out already. The flat I could move to could also be worse than the one I am currently in now.

I apologize if I offended anyone either boys or girls and I hope I did not stereotype, even though I probably did but I am just going off what I have seen but I probably have stereotyped anyway by accident but I respect both boys and girls, just not annoying boys and girls. It would be nice if I can get feedback, either advice or just if anybody else has experienced this either with boys like me or even a girl being in a flat full of girls and they do not like it, I will be happy to know what that is like and if the experiences are the same and I would be happy to comment back and share my experiences on what boys can be like, although I can not speak for all of the boys, just myself and a general overview of boys. It would be nice if any girls can also share their outlook on what it is like to live with girls as I just said though, not all girls are the same but for example if you can just speak about yourself or what girls can generally be like like characteristics all girls will have then this would be even better. But I am welcoming anyone to comment and I will respect your comment as well. Thank you for reading and sorry for such a long comment, despite the short title.

Is there a question here?

ime girls are worse to live with, *****y, messy and loud...

just ask to move flats, people move regularly just bc they aren't making friends, it's not a big thing

Ok I read all that but are you seeking advice or is it just a stream of consciousness or general complaint about life?


If you are unhappy talk to accommodation, sometimes theres a facility for a swap, but question why the other person wants to leave.
Sometimes spots become available or you can advertise to do swap with someone. Ask accommodation.

At least at this stage they arent enemies. Put more effort to making friends on course and in societies, dont hide in your room.
Read some books on making friends, plenty on Amazon. Its nice to be friends in flat but avoid making enemies.

There are plenty of girls on your course or out in the uni. Get a more positive image of yourself work on some self esteem/ confidence plus your social skills and you might find it easier or even fun to mix and get friends that way. That is what I would do.

First of all, thank you for replying, I understand this was a difficult topic to talk about and if you read it all thank you. As I said to someone else, I did write at the end if you could just write about either your experience or if you are in the same position as me or can just offer advice. Maybe just reading this, it kind of made you tired and you may have missed this part, if so I am sorry. I was not complaining though, I am just unhappy and I have every right to, I did not choose this, there is a difference between being unhappy and complaining. I have tried to find solutions to this by stepping up and being extra confident and talking to them but they just ignore me and talk to each other. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some people just seem to fall short and unfortunately, I am some people. Now you do not know what I look like and I won't tell you much but I am just not a good looking person and I know I said, I am here to make friends but also to make friends you kind of have to look the part and I know it may seem weird saying this but when I speak to people, it is like they already know I am failure just by looking at me and I have not even said anything.

I am also not trying to make enemies since that will make things worse but if somebody does not like you for any particular reason, then they do not like you, you have to move on, I can not force them to be friends with me. I have spoken to lots of different people but unfortunately, the same outcome, always happens. Maybe it is just a matter of waiting, I do not know how long it usually takes to be friends with someone but a month alone seems like a long time since I have seen others in already in their friendship groups more quickly and it is like a music band, I can not join their group because they already have enough people in their group, if you know what I am saying. You may see me write another thread stating that thing have not changed by the end of the first year in July 2020.

This is also not a new thing, you might think this is a new thing that I went through the beginning of university only but I have been going through this through high school and college and I thought university was going to be different but it is just the same as the other two, just bigger and I have realized I am no fit for university, some people just aren't. Maybe just working and earning money is a better idea, I have seen people in my position doing the same thing. The thing is, you are probably wondering why I went to university if I am going through so much troubles already, since most students I have read, experience problems later in the second or third year, or at the very least late into their first year, if I am feeling this now then I must be really in trouble, since most students say the best part of university is the beginning and unfortunately, this is my worst part of university with no good parts and even a scarier future to look up to. I wrote on another thread, it is too long to explain but my parents want me to be at university and I have tried talking to them but it does not work. I gave university a chance but like many times, I have made bad decisions.

In answer to your other point you made, I have read not necessarily books but read articles on tips on how to make friends but in my opinion, they did not help me, if they helped you than fair enough. Most of it just says "Be yourself" I have been myself and myself is not weird, myself is a nice positive character, inside and out but nobody can see that. Unfortunately this is not the movies, this is real life and it requires more than this but I unfortunately I got no answer.

I have also improved my self esteem and confidence greatly coming into university, I have tried to steer away from the past and be a new man but what I do not want to add is drinking, partying and social media just to make friends because that is not the way for me. I have had opportunities to make friends but these are unfortunately with weird people who I do not really get along with (I know that sounds offensive but they do not know I am writing this) and I am a person who wants to be friends with the right people so I have dismissed them but that is still no excuse why I can not find friends that I am comfortable with, I just feel unlucky.

I know you said join societies but I am busy with homework already and I run low on energy very quickly and I forgot to mention, I do not like my course, I hate it and I hate the people in it, I only picked it because I have been studying business the last 4 years, in GCSE and A-level and I enjoyed at first but now I hate it. Because I have been doing business, I had no other choice to do any other subjects, where there could be nicer people. I only did business at university because it was just a way to get in to make my parents happy but I am not happy and I know if you probably reply back and read this part, you will say think about yourself and I have tried thinking for myself but my parents are sort of old fashioned and want me to do what they want because that university is the way to be successful, they are not aware of the other pathways like apprenticeship, which I told them about but still dismissed me.

About hiding in my room, the reason why (not necessarily hide in there like you said) but stay in my room is because I find it more peaceful in there, it feels like I am not in university and I can make my own world. I watch a lot of Netflix and Amazon Prime and I am watching some really good shows and movies at the moment, I am also a big fan of tennis so I watch tennis matches, all of these create an escape for me and I feel so happy watching them but then when the morning comes and I have to attend lectures then it all comes crumbling down again and I feel worse than I did before. Another main reason why I do that is just to pass time so I can just wait until the Christmas holidays and come back home for a month, even though I will have to lie to my parents and say I made friends but I did not. I also do not enjoy living with my parents since they can also annoy me but right now I just want to go back home, before I left university it was the other way round, I wanted to get away from my parents because they annoyed me a lot and I thought university would be the escape and I can make friends to spend time with but right now I am just happy to accept my parents' bullying just to get away from this place.

In conclusion, I have tried to dissect everything you said, thus the even longer reply than my thread starter now like I said to the English 2001 guy who gave me the negative comment, I could go one for even longer but that would bore you and you have already done enough, as much as I would like a reply from you, you may be scared about what I wrote and think this guy is in a very deep place and there is nothing you can do to help and I am and those things you said to do, you probably have a stronger mindset than me and can do things more quicker, that is why it worked for you. Me however, I take a lot longer and I hope you respect that. I am not saying that you did not help me and wasted your time but I am saying that I have basically done everything you said but it has come short for me, I should have just said that than giving this rather long reply. Some people are just destined to be lonely and I am starting to accept it. A lot of people would have saw this and moved on but you tried to help so thank you, at least you had a better comment than that other guy. It is good that I wrote a long reply like this because it at least gives me essay practice, even though writing essays requires more research and evidence and not just talking out of my head. Hopefully this has given you a bigger context about me and why I find things hard, I hope you understand and thank you.

Sorry but I think thats very unfair to expect me to read all the stuff in the first place and then follow it up with even more.

If you want advice then you need to make it more manageable cut it down into its component parts , give the relevant detail and ask your specific questions. I can answer 5 other threads in the time it takes to get through this. If I have time later on I may look at it.
Have you seen your GP? If not I suggest you do or contact your uni and get to talk it through with a counsellor.

Unhappy about accommodation then change.
Want more female friends, then socialise with females.
You dont realise it but you need help with a therapist to talk through your issues, so you can reflect and see them for what they are, then if you wish you can take some positive steps to resolving them.

If you want contact details for relevant helplines I can provide that.

and you had to write an entire essay about it?

I wanted to get my point across, is that a problem ? How else would you do it ? How else do you expect me to do it ? Just write a paragraph, that does not explain everything, look this is how I explain my problems, if you don't like it then leave.

Sorry but I think thats very unfair to expect me to read all the stuff in the first place and then follow it up with even more.

If you want advice then you need to make it more manageable cut it down into its component parts , give the relevant detail and ask your specific questions. I can answer 5 other threads in the time it takes to get through this. If I have time later on I may look at it.
Have you seen your GP? If not I suggest you do or contact your uni and get to talk it through with a counsellor.

Unhappy about accommodation then change.
Want more female friends, then socialise with females.
You dont realise it but you need help with a therapist to talk through your issues, so you can reflect and see them for what they are, then if you wish you can take some positive steps to resolving them.

If you want contact details for relevant helplines I can provide that.

There is a question here, if you read the whole thing and I asked you at the end to comment on it, either write about your experiences or say something to help, something maybe positive, this did not help me at all. If you can not help me or be bothered to read the whole thing that is fine but I would not just write the whole thing just to get funny jokes, I would not be wasting my time like that. If you do not want to read or help just move on to another forum, no-one will say anything. I thought this website would help people so far, I am just receiving negative comments and people who do not want to help or make me worse. It seems like it is more easier in this world to offend people than to actually help them. This is why my self esteem is low because of people like you and you may not think you are a bad person and I am not saying that you are but you need to be careful what you comment as it may not seem offensive to you but has offended me and could impact other people, this is what mental health is like and you may not be suffering but this is a big thing around the country and my comment, I think I did not try to offend anyone and I wrote carefully on what I was saying. Whether you care or not what I just said, it does not matter, if you feel offended, do not fire back, just move on, you will start an argument out of nothing. I could go on forever but I am going to stop, just in future please be careful what you say.

Hello, I am a male studying business management at university. I live in student accommodation at the moment with myself and 9 other people. I have been here for exactly one month now.The room is good quality but unfortunately I have to share a kitchen with 9 other residents which is not what I would have liked but I would have been happier to share a kitchen with better flatmates particularly more girls.

You might think I am weird or a bit of a creep for wanting this but it is not because I want to flirt with them or be in a relationship with them, it is just that I have not really had any friends that are girls and I thought university would be a great place to start. Now you are probably thinking, I can make friends with girls in my course or through societies but in my opinion it is more harder that way and I am struggling that way because I am just not a likable person, I think people think I am boring but I try my best to be funny and unique. In the flats, flatmates are kind of forced to talk to one another eventually, even if it is just small talk that is fine, I am fine, I do not generally have huge conversations with girls so this is a huge step for me. It would be nice to talk to them about their lectures and lives and get to socialise. However, I understand not all girls like to socialise, some may stick to themselves but I am a good resident so I am not an intimidating person to live with. Even if they do not talk, just being in the company of girls particularly quiet people would be nice than dealing with loud boys who give me a headache every time I see them.

Another reason I would like to have girls in my flat is that, not all girls but generally girls can be more nicer and less of a nuisance and also more cleaner in the kitchen, however this is not always the case since girls can be also rude, loud and messy. Boys can also be quiet, nice and clean but the boys I am with are unfortunately those mean popular kids that everybody likes and I feel rather uncomfortable being in the kitchen with them especially with the mess they make and every time they talk to me, they always talk about drinking, partying and football, all hobbies which I do not like. Most of my flatmates are basically an already established group of friends after already a month of being here and I feel left out as I do not party a lot during late nights as I am not a fan of drinking and I always have low energy as I struggle with anxiety and depression.

I do not mind living with some boys, it is just that all my flatmates are boys and it just annoys me because when I applied for student accommodation, I selected mixed sex accommodation, which means boys and girls, clearly the university did not get that part. I understand it is a hard job for a university to put everybody with who they want but I feel like I am the only flat with just boys and I see other flat's kitchens with a mix between boys and girls and it looks so much more nicer and more fun like I want to be to join in. Because of the boys I am with, I have just been staying in my room mostly, being afraid to come out and eat in the kitchen as I have never have the opportunity to cook as they are always there cooking and the tables and sinks are all dirty so I am unable to eat or wash up.

However, I am not asking for all of my flatmates to be girls as that can go the wrong way since they would all hang out together because when there is a huge group of girls, they tend to stick together, especially when there is just one boy living with them and I will be left out again and that will not do me any good. An even split would be nice so 5 boys and 5 girls would be perfect or maybe slightly more girls and slightly less boys like 6 or 7 girls and 3 or 4 boys would be good as well.

I want to have a better flat because I do not think I can stay for a full year and I want to move flats but however this is too much hassle and there will not be a valid reason of wanting to change flats, saying that because my flat is full of boys is not really a good enough excuse, yes they are loud but still this is university and university is known as party central so they expect me to deal with it. Unless something really bad happens like for example, one of the flatmates beat me up then maybe I have a better chance of being moved but I do not want that to happen though. Also I doubt, there will be any spaces left for me and even if I randomly join another flat, all the other flatmates will know each other and I will feel left out already. The flat I could move to could also be worse than the one I am currently in now.

I apologize if I offended anyone either boys or girls and I hope I did not stereotype, even though I probably did but I am just going off what I have seen but I probably have stereotyped anyway by accident but I respect both boys and girls, just not annoying boys and girls. It would be nice if I can get feedback, either advice or just if anybody else has experienced this either with boys like me or even a girl being in a flat full of girls and they do not like it, I will be happy to know what that is like and if the experiences are the same and I would be happy to comment back and share my experiences on what boys can be like, although I can not speak for all of the boys, just myself and a general overview of boys. It would be nice if any girls can also share their outlook on what it is like to live with girls as I just said though, not all girls are the same but for example if you can just speak about yourself or what girls can generally be like like characteristics all girls will have then this would be even better. But I am welcoming anyone to comment and I will respect your comment as well. Thank you for reading and sorry for such a long comment, despite the short title.

Hi! so I'm a girl (haha) and in my first year I lived in a mixed flat. we got along but we weren't the type of flat to go on nights out together. I still talk to them every now and again but I wouldn't say we are close close so your flat doesn't really matter even though I know it seems like a big deal when you're a first year. My advice is go out and join a society or two and that where you will make friends that you actually like boys and girls alike. Also try and give your flat mates another try they probably know by now that you don't like going out and football but at least they are still making an effort and trying to talk to you and staying in your room all the time is pretty rude. anyway back to making friends who are girls! don't just walk up to them randomly on the street if you meet them at a society even or in a lecture or something most girls are pretty nice and welcoming. honestly just be your self and get out of your comfort zone or you are going to waste your first year! hope that helps a little.

I shared a kitchen with 2 girls and they were so messy. One stole my mug for so long that mould grew in it . . .

Oh man, sorry about that, did you get it back in the end ? Must have been torture, why did they do that ?