my type... help. (kinda 18+)

I have this attraction towards kind of 'toxic' (for lack of a better word) men i.e. who:
- are older than me
- are aggressive, both inside and outside a sexual context
- tell me what to do and just order me around in general (ditto)
- convince me that they're the only one i can depend on
- are arrogant

sorry, this turned into a weird rant but basically I'm worried that there's something wrong with me psychologically speaking. I don't tend to feel attracted towards 'nice' guys. I haven't been hurt too badly yet but my friends are scared it'll go too far. any advice? I feel like no one can relate to this

Reply 1

beth/powerlifter

8

Hey, I have a pretty similar type to yourself. I've always preferred older men (not significantly but just enough if you get what I mean). I like to be told what to do and like the kind of "mean guy"... so totally understand how you feel!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by beth/powerlifter

Hey, I have a pretty similar type to yourself. I've always preferred older men (not significantly but just enough if you get what I mean). I like to be told what to do and like the kind of "mean guy"... so totally understand how you feel!

Wow, that's so reassuring. And yeah, it usually ranges from 5-10 years older. It just appeals to me in some way. Thanks for sharing

Reply 3

beth/powerlifter

8

Original post by Anonymous

Wow, that's so reassuring. And yeah, it usually ranges from 5-10 years older. It just appeals to me in some way. Thanks for sharing

No worries! Nice to know there's other chicks that like the same as me. It's nice for a bit of security too, always feel quite safe and protected.

Reply 4

SupposedlyIronic

21

I think many people do relate. Stereotypically a lot of people would brand it “daddy issues”. It can be seen everywhere though. I don’t know if you’ve ever read any Tennessee Williams but Stella in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ is attracted to her husband because he excites her with aggression. It’s pretty normal.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, but you should probably open your mind up to other people and learn to see the beauty in them. It could be dangerous if you don’t.

One suggestion is confining this to sex. BDSM or similar sexual practices are safe ways to explore this if done correctly (eg. with a safe word in place). It means you can be a little toxic in the bedroom and healthy outside of it.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Hey.As they say opposite people attract each other so you kinda are excused that you like "bad guys" (as a matter of fact we all like bad guys-just think that so many movies are based on them) BUT You have to completely understand that THIS IS BAD FOR YOU and no matter what YOU LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYONE-you are smart enough to understand that you HURT YOURSELF that way.If you don't agree with this and change your way of thinking,then you could pay a visit to a psychologist that can show you the reason why you condemn yourself in such bad relationships.

Reply 6

Surnia

20

How old are you?

This isn't 'kind of toxic', it is toxic. You have a very poor view of yourself if this is the kind of man you choose to get involved with. An aggressive and controlling relationship is exactly what you'll see posters on here advising people to walk away from. If you aren't happy in your own skin you won't find a happy relationship, and the fact that you are posting on here means you are questioning what you are doing. Get help.

Reply 7

Wannabevetnurse

20

Original post by Anonymous

I have this attraction towards kind of 'toxic' (for lack of a better word) men i.e. who:
- are aggressive, both inside and outside a sexual context (inside its kinda like BDSM but outside its basically abuse)
- tell me what to do and just order me around in general (ditto) (this is slavery)
- convince me that they're the only one i can depend on (this is gaslighting)
- are arrogant

sorry, this turned into a weird rant but basically I'm worried that there's something wrong with me psychologically speaking. I don't tend to feel attracted towards 'nice' guys. I haven't been hurt too badly yet but my friends are scared it'll go too far. any advice? I feel like no one can relate to this

Most of what you want is the foundations for a *****y relationship...you wanna be abused and gas lighted....you may feel like you want it now...but maybe a few years down...you'll probably start to hate the relationship and you'll have noone to turn to because you believe you can't depend on anyone else. Maybe check with your GP or therapist...it's not normal to want to be abused.

Reply 8

DR.DOOM

17

OP, be weary of those who are arrogant. Those who I know who have strong arrogance eventually end up in a losing position in the end because no one wants to be around them

Reply 9

Ackhnologia

13

Hi there
It is fine OP
You are just attracted to toxic men.
A whole lot of women do, so it is fine.
Nice men are way too respectful towards women, which is quite boring; bad toxic men know how to treat a woman and keep them entertained. Plus, bad toxic men are safer, sexier and much more manly.
So it is fine; women have their tastes after all and only bad toxic men meet there expectations.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ackhnologia

Hi there
It is fine OP
You are just attracted to toxic men.
A whole lot of women do, so it is fine.
Nice men are way too respectful towards women, which is quite boring; bad toxic men know how to treat a woman and keep them entertained. Plus, bad toxic men are safer, sexier and much more manly.
So it is fine; women have their tastes after all and only bad toxic men meet there expectations.

okay, thanks for the support! This is so reassuring :smile:

Reply 11

Tashax2

19

Original post by Anonymous

I have this attraction towards kind of 'toxic' (for lack of a better word) men i.e. who:
- are older than me
- are aggressive, both inside and outside a sexual context
- tell me what to do and just order me around in general (ditto)
- convince me that they're the only one i can depend on
- are arrogant

sorry, this turned into a weird rant but basically I'm worried that there's something wrong with me psychologically speaking. I don't tend to feel attracted towards 'nice' guys. I haven't been hurt too badly yet but my friends are scared it'll go too far. any advice? I feel like no one can relate to this

I’m the same just not the older guys part! But trust me you’re not alone

Reply 12

username5394810

20

Original post by Ackhnologia

Hi there
It is fine OP
You are just attracted to toxic men.
A whole lot of women do, so it is fine.
Nice men are way too respectful towards women, which is quite boring; bad toxic men know how to treat a woman and keep them entertained. Plus, bad toxic men are safer, sexier and much more manly.
So it is fine; women have their tastes after all and only bad toxic men meet there expectations.

Hmmm, I do not agree. Bad guys are untrustworthy in the long run. They are more likely to hurt people and what's the point? There's no fun in that. I've liked and had bad boyfriends and now I know they're a waste of time . They are players too.

Kind guys are the bes t, you can trust them and have a great tkme. They are also really cute , much more cute especially when you see them laugh and they're always there for you. Nice is always best

Reply 13

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

okay, thanks for the support! This is so reassuring :smile:

That is not reassuring, and neither is the fact that you are agreeing with someone just because they have taken your side; in fact, it sounds like a wind-up. A lovely guy will treat you with respect, and it isn't boring! Im in an LTR with someone who loves and cares for me, 2 words missing from your description. We do things together, we have fun, we listen and talk, respect each other's career choices because we are professional. Don't fall for the "I'm roughing you up" or "telling you what to do up because i love you" line; a guy treating a woman with contempt and aggression isn't manly, it's cowardly.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 14

justagirltbh

17

Original post by Anonymous

I have this attraction towards kind of 'toxic' (for lack of a better word) men i.e. who:
- are older than me
- are aggressive, both inside and outside a sexual context
- tell me what to do and just order me around in general (ditto)
- convince me that they're the only one i can depend on
- are arrogant

sorry, this turned into a weird rant but basically I'm worried that there's something wrong with me psychologically speaking. I don't tend to feel attracted towards 'nice' guys. I haven't been hurt too badly yet but my friends are scared it'll go too far. any advice? I feel like no one can relate to this

i mean everyone has their own type... you have yours and we have ours .

older men what exactly do you mean? personally i find quite a few guys in their 40s good looking but i wouldnt want them lol. i like older guys but just like up to 5 years nothing more.

i lovvvee the aggressive toxic thing its so sexy and i just ugh .

i like the submissive and dominant thing too as weird as it sounds but id prefer it to be only int he bedroom and at home rather than outside lol.

and the 'convince me that they're the only one i can depend on' and 'are arrogant' is somethign i liek too i guess eveyone has their own taste in guys and i guess we just like toxic guys? its perfevtly fine likign men liek this just dont do something stupid ik you know what i mean by this

Reply 15

chocobi

13

I thought we all agreed to only take a liking to toxic guys in media/shows :confused:

As a girl who objectifies men, I find your way of thinking very alien-like. I prefer ones that are nice, submissive and caring. Older than me by anything more than one year of age is gross.

Reply 16

Anonymous #3

Original post by Ackhnologia

Hi there
It is fine OP
You are just attracted to toxic men.
A whole lot of women do, so it is fine.
Nice men are way too respectful towards women, which is quite boring; bad toxic men know how to treat a woman and keep them entertained. Plus, bad toxic men are safer, sexier and much more manly.
So it is fine; women have their tastes after all and only bad toxic men meet there expectations.

Lmao

Reply 17

Anonymous #3

How does someone being mean to you make you safe🤣

You do realise, some men/boys are just mean to you & no body else😂

Reply 18

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

How does someone being mean to you make you safe🤣

You do realise, some men/boys are just mean to you & no body else😂

I mean, I’m mean asf to girls too.. I assert my dominance nicely, if you talk back or act tough/ try and fight back I’ll put you in your place

But it wouldn’t only be to you, I’ll put other guys in their place also. You have to be careful in who “acts tough” or “being mean” it’s rare that you actually find a toxic person that gives you security nowadays