This may end up being a long thread I'm afraid...
I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of months, and knew him for a few months before that. He made it clear pretty early on that he was attracted to me, but as my feelings grew for him and I let him know that, he said he wasn't ready yet for a proper relationship after a bad break-up with his ex who he was with for about 18 months. From this and the way he talked about her, I knew he wasn't completely over her still despite breaking up about 6 months ago, but when he said he wanted to 'officially' be with me I thought he was ready to move on. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but now I'm not so sure...
He won't talk much about his ex and the reasons for their split, and they are still in contact via texts, Facebook and meeting up. She is with someone else as well now, but I still feel my boyfriend's harbouring some hopes of getting back with her and that being in contact with her so much is preventing him from fully moving on. And then I got proof...I know I shouldn't have, but I read some of his texts between him and his ex. He told her he still loves her and kept asking if there was a chance they'd ever end up back together. SHe initially said no but then changed slightly to say maybe if she ever broke up with her current bf. Then my bf asked if she wanted to come over and stay at his place one night saying "i'll be good ;-p". She didn't, but I can't see they wouldn't have ended up having sex if she was sleeping in his bed. Whatever, I feel like he has effectively tried to cheat on me.
Now I don't know what to do. I want to confront him about it but that means admitting to looking at his phone (although he can hardly take the moral high-ground considering what he said to her). He knows something is wrong, and I've admitted I dont feel he's over his ex and that he's using me in the meantime before getting back with her. He said he wants to be with me, he wouldn't cheat, he loves me etc etc, but I just don't know how much I can beleive him especially as I had suspicions before this anyway. Do I admit to reading THAT text? Writing this makes me realize how obivuous it is I should leave him (as my friends and mum all think I should), but I can't stop the feelings I have for him and I still want him. But how can I fully trust him or beleive what he says now?
I chnage my mind on a daily basis about what to do, and need some objective opinions please!
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Issues between my bf and his ex - confirmed by their texts watch
- Thread Starter
- 29-01-2010 20:17
- 30-01-2010 00:08
Admit reading his texts, and confront him. Whilst you are wrong to look through his phone, he is (in my opinion) doing more wrong by effectively cheating on you emotionally! It's perfectly valid that you should feel insecure, when you have proved there's every reason to be.
I don't even understand how you could want to be with him now.
- 30-01-2010 00:14
My advice is... Never accept being second choice. He obviously still attempts to put this ex before you by trying to get back with her. He may like/love you but he doesn't sound ready to commit yet. I think you'd be better off as friends for a little while longer so he can get his head around his ex and move on.
- 30-01-2010 01:10
I do not really need to say anything, just by typing this up you have already come to the right choice.
Just break up with him, I know you have feelings, but there is no point being with someone that does not give back the same amount of affection that you are feeling.
I cannot blame the guy for wanting to get back with his ex but then again I cannot understand why he is fooling around with you.
As harsh as it sounds you are just a rebound...