Think I messed up...

My girlfriend, whom I love very much, is no longer the girl she used to be. She's changed completely, and the past few weeks she talks to me like I'm not even as much as a friend, she has no emotion towards me even though she says she loves me I can sense that she doesn't.

I've been really hurt by all this, it was so hard to see the girl I love in a different light...to feel as though I've lost her but despite this all I did was support her and try to cheer her up and bend over backwards, waiting hand on foot for her to get us back on track.

I was having a really serious conversation with her, and I broke down and started to cry...I didn't want to cry over the phone so I said I'll call her back in a bit (after I've composed myself) and she laughingly said "okay then..." as if she had no concern about my emotional state. After all the times she's woken me up at 1-2am in the morning and I've stayed on the phone to her comforting her as she cries all night till as late as 5-6am! I actually used to wait for her to fall asleep and then I used to hang up, and this is what I get in return :frown:

Like I say, this is so not like her, very out of character...usually if she even as much as heard me slightly upset she'd fall to the floor in tears.

I got myself together and called back, told her how much I love her and how much she means to me and that it's killing me to be so distanced from her, I feel like a stranger in her life. She was just keeping quiet and was giving me none of her thoughts. I asked her what she's thinking and she said "I'm thinking I need to file my nails.."

:mad:

this set me off, and I'm so not used to her being like this I just couldn't believe what was happening. Here I am pouring my heart out trying to save our relationship and she's thinking about her nails :frown:

I couldn't believe this is the same girl, she used to think the world of me used to tell me she'd love me forever and never wants us to be apart. This is the girl who used to go out of her way to make me just that much happier.

I got really irrational in the heat of the moment and I completely lost it, and I thanked her for being like this, because it makes it so much easier for me to realise I don't deserve to be treated like this. I told her I don't love the girl that she has become now, and that she was dead to me. I hung up after. Haven't spoken to her since.

However her friends have got in touch with me worried sick about her state, saying she's feeling suicidal, has stopped eating, sleeping and is just losing the will to live. They said that my statement (in bold) is what pushed her over the edge and she's been extremely hurt by it.

I don't know what to do now, it was said in the heat of the moment but there is some truth to it...with the way she is now I refuse to accept her existance in this form. I love her with all my heart and now I hate myself for causing her so much pain from saying something so hurtful.

Was I right to say what I did and break up with her? or should I apologise? What do you think I can do to make her feel better (not get back in a relationship, I don't want that) but just for her to not be in the state she is in now.
Girls, how would you react if your long term boyfriend said this to and how would you feel better?

Thanks, I could really do with some helpful advice.

Reply 1

princesscakes

sounds a bit complicateddd...

i think by you saying that she was dead to you was a bit harsh but it was said in the heat of the moment and id most likely feel the way she is now, but for how she was acting to you before this i can understand where you're coming from with your words.

i think you need to go over to hers or meet up and talk things through even if you don't want to get back together with her.

if my boyfriend said that to me id feel the same way she does, but i would never treat my boyfriend like she has acted with you before.

all i can say is you need to explain how you feel to her and why you said what you did and go from there

x

Reply 2

popopapo

woaaah. that was a long read.

When she said she was thinking bout her nails are you positive she meant it that way coz my ex used to say things like that, she just panicked during tense moments and tried to lighten the mood by going quiet then saying something unrelated.

If you are 100% that she meant it like this, I understand your thoughts and I know it can be pretty hard to control your emotions when they all come to you like that. You can't just blame yourself.

Do you believe, in your heart that she wants to talk to you, would she benefit from hearing you talk to her? ...By the sounds of it i'm guessing she was having a stressful time anyway and when that sort of thing happens it makes relationships hard to maintain, so I understand why it went the way it did.

if you think she'd like to talk then start simple, let you both discover what it was that drew you too each other in the first place.
If you can pick anything of any help out of my ramblings please do.. :smile:

good luck mate

Reply 3

definado

8

Sounds like she took you for granted and now that you took that away from her she wants what she cant have anymore

Get rid.

Reply 4

starsdream2

1

I had every intention of reading this and trying to give you some emotional comfort/ advice but I got to the the second paragraph and was half bored to death.

Reply 5

Rokit

16

TBH OP you need to man up a bt and she needs to grow up

Either way it was a painful read and I say go your separate ways

Reply 6

username239687

18

LOL, interception - now the ball's in your hands. Keep it there.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Well it sounds very complicated and I'm not really sure what to advise but I think it might be a good idea just to go and see her, and tell her that you said that she was dead to you in the heat of the moment and you didn't really mean it, it sounds like she has taken it to heart. Do make it clear that you want to break up the relationship though, but don't make her feel that you hate her she is obviously feeling extremely low. It sounds like she was having issues anyway before you said that, so don't blame yourself for the state she is in. I hope it works out for you both :smile:

.

Reply 8

A Cat

3

she's dead to you

she's contemplating suicide

Think I messed up...

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