Pushy Parents Vs Laid-Back parents
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i wish my parents were more pushy... i don't blame them for the grades i get but i know i am just very unmotivated and if i had that kick up the backside constantly i would do better.
Mine are laid back, they have never pushed ke to do anything I want to and allow me to take responsibility for where I go in life. I know people with pushy parents and it sounds hellish, honestly if I was forced to revise, forced to study when I don't want to, forced to study subjects I hate etc., there's no way I would be motivated to do well.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
Mine are laid back, they have never pushed ke to do anything I want to and allow me to take responsibility for where I go in life. I know people with pushy parents and it sounds hellish, honestly if I was forced to revise, forced to study when I don't want to, forced to study subjects I hate etc., there's no way I would be motivated to do well.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
I believe that a parent should be pushy in the sense of caring about the education and progress of their child. However, my mum is the type of parent that would rather see me be happy, than get stressed about getting good exam results.
While some people may wish for a parent like that, it can be negative as my mum often doesn't give me support when I need it most, or really care about me getting a good job. In fact, lately I've been struggling at school whilst my mum has been questioning me on whether it's really worth going through all the stress (she would rather see me with a part-time job than going to university).
Therefore, it is good to have pushy parents to an extent, although it is not a walk in the park with parents that just want their child to do 'their best'.
While some people may wish for a parent like that, it can be negative as my mum often doesn't give me support when I need it most, or really care about me getting a good job. In fact, lately I've been struggling at school whilst my mum has been questioning me on whether it's really worth going through all the stress (she would rather see me with a part-time job than going to university).
Therefore, it is good to have pushy parents to an extent, although it is not a walk in the park with parents that just want their child to do 'their best'.
Asian friends have commented on how much pushier my mum is than their parents 
She didn't really push me through GCSEs or anything, but after no straight As at AS shes been very vocal...
My dad is laid back and 'if you tried your best I'm proud' but that really doesn't help me in the slightest because it allows a lot of procrastination
She didn't really push me through GCSEs or anything, but after no straight As at AS shes been very vocal...My dad is laid back and 'if you tried your best I'm proud' but that really doesn't help me in the slightest because it allows a lot of procrastination
(edited 12 years ago)
I'm kind of in the middle...
My mother is very interested in my education, but doesn't constantly pursue what I did at college every day etc. When it comes to Advocacy appointments (parent evening things, not sure if other schools use this term x_x), UCAS meetings etc, she goes out of her way to make sure i'm on track with my target grades and all that stuff. I'm fine with that and appreciate that fact she is willing to help me do well
My mother is very interested in my education, but doesn't constantly pursue what I did at college every day etc. When it comes to Advocacy appointments (parent evening things, not sure if other schools use this term x_x), UCAS meetings etc, she goes out of her way to make sure i'm on track with my target grades and all that stuff. I'm fine with that and appreciate that fact she is willing to help me do well
I'm not actually doing A-levels, I did AS's and failed them (because of mistakes I made) and now I'm doing a BTEC extended diploma in forensic science that's 100% coursework. My dad doesn't live with us and my stepdad can't quite get his head around the whole BTEC system I don't think lol.
I guess things with my mum have kinda changed as I've got older but she's never been pushy... she's never done the checking I've done my homework thing.. that would be weird!
Obviously I'm 19 now though, so she's not exactly going to nag me.. she asks how I'm doing and I'm always honest with her because my biggest fear is lying and burying my head in the sand like I did with my AS's and then having to break it to her at the end of the year 'yeah... I lied when I told you I was doing ok... I'm failing, I'm leaving school.. and I'm going to college to do something else.. so you driving me to school every morning for the past year has been a waste of your time, energy and petrol... sorry about that!'. She didn't take that very well.
I guess we talk about my work and how I'm doing pretty much every day and when I've done an assignment that I'm really proud of I'll show it to her and whenever I get one back I'll usually tell her how I did in it and if I need to improve it. Her and my stepdad are both really supportive and they've taken me to 3 university open days which have all been drives of 2 hours +. It helps me to talk about how I'm doing with her though cos I'm pretty stressed and I want her to know what's going on so that if I don't get the grades I want for my firm university choice or whatever then she'll know why and I won't have been lying to her.. I guess I feel like I owe it to her to do well and give her something solid to be proud of me for and that's quite good for motivation.
I think whenever she's tried to get a bit more involved and tell me 'oh you should go and do that now' I find it kinda demoralising cos it's like... I'm going to do it because I want to do it, not because you're telling me I should do it. I think I feel like that because of all the problems we've had on our course though with the staffing issues the college had.
Basically our course has a 75% ish drop out rate because the teachers weren't turning up so we'd go in every day but have weeks without lessons so we'd hang around for a few hours and then get sent home again almost EVERY day until the middle-end of the year when we had a guy 'teaching' us who was a con artist and actually had no qualifications lol. Bearing in mind a lot of the course is based around practical experiments and write ups, it's 100% coursework and it's worth 3 A-levels. I've had to do most of last year's work this year, while keeping up with the harder 2nd year stuff. And it's not like those are the only fk ups. When we do work from last year we have to find someone whose willing to mark it which is easier said than done in a massive place that lacks communication. Seriously.. you couldn't make this stuff up. The people who actually pass this course deserve medals in my opinion lol.
I've worked my arse off and had to take responsibility for all my work and what I'm getting through at what rates and constantly working out what grades I need in what units etc. I don't trust the college because I can't afford to re-do work they lose or listen to them when they say 'there will be time at the end of the year for that'.
I have to be paranoid and I have to be prepared for their cock ups and shortcomings just like I have to sit there and shut up when this years' teachers say that last year was partly our fault because they're new from other places where things have always been hunky dory and they weren't here to see what actually went on. I'm guessing 'you'll need to help us sort out our fk ups' wasn't in their job descriptions. So yeah coming home and being told I need to work harder or 'couldn't you have got a distinction in that one?' would drive me crazy. No way would I put up with that.
I've only just realised how long this post has got haha.. Ok rant over..
What I don't get is though... Don't pushy parents realise that their kids need to find their own source of motivation? They're not going to get that all the time they're just doing as they're told and what do they do when they go to uni?
I guess things with my mum have kinda changed as I've got older but she's never been pushy... she's never done the checking I've done my homework thing.. that would be weird!
Obviously I'm 19 now though, so she's not exactly going to nag me.. she asks how I'm doing and I'm always honest with her because my biggest fear is lying and burying my head in the sand like I did with my AS's and then having to break it to her at the end of the year 'yeah... I lied when I told you I was doing ok... I'm failing, I'm leaving school.. and I'm going to college to do something else.. so you driving me to school every morning for the past year has been a waste of your time, energy and petrol... sorry about that!'. She didn't take that very well.
I guess we talk about my work and how I'm doing pretty much every day and when I've done an assignment that I'm really proud of I'll show it to her and whenever I get one back I'll usually tell her how I did in it and if I need to improve it. Her and my stepdad are both really supportive and they've taken me to 3 university open days which have all been drives of 2 hours +. It helps me to talk about how I'm doing with her though cos I'm pretty stressed and I want her to know what's going on so that if I don't get the grades I want for my firm university choice or whatever then she'll know why and I won't have been lying to her.. I guess I feel like I owe it to her to do well and give her something solid to be proud of me for and that's quite good for motivation.
I think whenever she's tried to get a bit more involved and tell me 'oh you should go and do that now' I find it kinda demoralising cos it's like... I'm going to do it because I want to do it, not because you're telling me I should do it. I think I feel like that because of all the problems we've had on our course though with the staffing issues the college had.
Basically our course has a 75% ish drop out rate because the teachers weren't turning up so we'd go in every day but have weeks without lessons so we'd hang around for a few hours and then get sent home again almost EVERY day until the middle-end of the year when we had a guy 'teaching' us who was a con artist and actually had no qualifications lol. Bearing in mind a lot of the course is based around practical experiments and write ups, it's 100% coursework and it's worth 3 A-levels. I've had to do most of last year's work this year, while keeping up with the harder 2nd year stuff. And it's not like those are the only fk ups. When we do work from last year we have to find someone whose willing to mark it which is easier said than done in a massive place that lacks communication. Seriously.. you couldn't make this stuff up. The people who actually pass this course deserve medals in my opinion lol.
I've worked my arse off and had to take responsibility for all my work and what I'm getting through at what rates and constantly working out what grades I need in what units etc. I don't trust the college because I can't afford to re-do work they lose or listen to them when they say 'there will be time at the end of the year for that'.
I have to be paranoid and I have to be prepared for their cock ups and shortcomings just like I have to sit there and shut up when this years' teachers say that last year was partly our fault because they're new from other places where things have always been hunky dory and they weren't here to see what actually went on. I'm guessing 'you'll need to help us sort out our fk ups' wasn't in their job descriptions. So yeah coming home and being told I need to work harder or 'couldn't you have got a distinction in that one?' would drive me crazy. No way would I put up with that.
I've only just realised how long this post has got haha.. Ok rant over..
What I don't get is though... Don't pushy parents realise that their kids need to find their own source of motivation? They're not going to get that all the time they're just doing as they're told and what do they do when they go to uni?
one of my parents (dad, its always the dads) is interested in my education to the extent where he'll ask me how's school going every once in a while. I have found that, as I've gotten older, he's been less and less involved in my academic life which I'm grateful for, actually. He's not disinterested per se, just would never actually tell me do work or whatever, because he kinda knows I'm capable of doing well. I hate being told to do work so its good that I'm not constantly nagged like some of my friends.
I remember the days where I'd only do work when my dad told me to (year 8/9/10..11 even), but not like some parents who stand over their children at their desks with whips and **** lol. I know a guy whose mum marks his past papers...hes in year 13. I dont even think my mum knows what a past paper is lol. All of my friends whose parents (including Past Paper Mom)are super pushy in the academic sense tend to be the ones who dont do well. I mean, your parents are going to be doing your degree for you; the hardest part for some people will be trying to muster together the motivation unless you're taking your parents with you to Uni or something lol.
All in all, parents have intervened less and less in my academic life as I've gotten older. I'm very happy about this as its encouraged me to take the initiative in my life and develop a sense of independence.
I remember the days where I'd only do work when my dad told me to (year 8/9/10..11 even), but not like some parents who stand over their children at their desks with whips and **** lol. I know a guy whose mum marks his past papers...hes in year 13. I dont even think my mum knows what a past paper is lol. All of my friends whose parents (including Past Paper Mom)are super pushy in the academic sense tend to be the ones who dont do well. I mean, your parents are going to be doing your degree for you; the hardest part for some people will be trying to muster together the motivation unless you're taking your parents with you to Uni or something lol.
All in all, parents have intervened less and less in my academic life as I've gotten older. I'm very happy about this as its encouraged me to take the initiative in my life and develop a sense of independence.
(edited 12 years ago)
Mine got me interested in learning from an early age, without being pushy (they're both teachers), which I think is far better than either option, though I realise not all parents have an academic background. They do have an obsessive interest in fairness though;
Me: I've just got an offer from Oxford!
My Dad: Tht's nice. Your sister just got 9 out of 10 in a spelling test. We can celebrate both!
Me: I've just got an offer from Oxford!
My Dad: Tht's nice. Your sister just got 9 out of 10 in a spelling test. We can celebrate both!
Mum was a bit pushy at GCSE, my lax attitude and tendency to procrastinate was hard for her to deal with. She mellowed out when I got my results because I'd passed with flying colours + got/exceeded my predicted grades apart from in business studies.
I kind of want her to be more pushy now because Skyrim has been distracting me and we only have a few months left.
I kind of want her to be more pushy now because Skyrim has been distracting me and we only have a few months left.
Original post by lukas1051
Mine are laid back, they have never pushed ke to do anything I want to and allow me to take responsibility for where I go in life. I know people with pushy parents and it sounds hellish, honestly if I was forced to revise, forced to study when I don't want to, forced to study subjects I hate etc., there's no way I would be motivated to do well.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
I think if a child is naturally hard working, intelligent and capable it's best to leave them to make their own decisions rather than use their talent as a tool for your own failed dreams. The number of times I see threads on TSR about kids who are effectively being forced to do medicine or something by their parents depresses me, grow a backbone for goodness sake.
This was me. My parents have never HAD to push me, but I do think its down to the way they were with me when I was young that I turned out this way. They woul always read with me, and made an effort to teach me how to count and add up a bit before school. In some ways, I wish they'd ask a bit more, just to sound interested, but I work hard without it.
On the other hand, my sister is a lot more lazy, and the problem is that they NEED to be a bit pushier with her, but they don't know how to because they never were with me. I think I push her more than my parents do! And really its only because I know that she is naturally cleverer than me, its just that she doesn't work at all.
Original post by Octohedral
Mine got me interested in learning from an early age, without being pushy (they're both teachers), which I think is far better than either option, though I realise not all parents have an academic background. They do have an obsessive interest in fairness though;
Me: I've just got an offer from Oxford!
My Dad: Tht's nice. Your sister just got 9 out of 10 in a spelling test. We can celebrate both!
Me: I've just got an offer from Oxford!
My Dad: Tht's nice. Your sister just got 9 out of 10 in a spelling test. We can celebrate both!
Aww thats cute
Mine have always taken an interest in my education but not in a way which pushed me into working/revising etc. My sister is less motivated and they've been more pushy with her but I'm not sure it's worked really.
My mum is not pushy but she likes to know i'm doing well. She will ask me how college is going and if i need any help with anything every now and again but she also knows that revision is my responsibility and that if i don't do it i'll fail.
I prefer it this way as i know shes there if i ever need help but it also means that she isn't always nagging me and pushing me to do college work and i can revise better this way
I prefer it this way as i know shes there if i ever need help but it also means that she isn't always nagging me and pushing me to do college work and i can revise better this way
I wouldn't say mine are pushy but they do care how I do. I kind of wish they'd been more pushy because I was so demotivated in GCSEs and ASs.
I have laid back Asian parents When I got rejected post-interview from two universities for medicine, my parents were like it's okay, don't need to put so much pressure on yourself, no need to reapply, do another degree :P Since I decided to apply for medicine from lower sixth they definitely have had more interest.
Generally, my parents have always been laid-back It's great
When I got rejected post-interview from two universities for medicine, my parents were like it's okay, don't need to put so much pressure on yourself, no need to reapply, do another degree :P Since I decided to apply for medicine from lower sixth they definitely have had more interest.Generally, my parents have always been laid-back
It's great Quick Reply
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