Family keeps borrowing money from me and i don’t know what to do

I’m in a sticky situation where i feel frustrated yet guilty because ever since i was 16, it’s become routine for my parents to borrow money from me, they tend to pay it back on time but that doesn’t mean it frustrates me. I feel like it’s not really my money or i always have to make sure i have something incase they ask at any moment. It’s not always their fault as they struggle and i’m aware of that but i tried to make it apparent that once i leave for uni, i don’t want to be having to be giving money away since i don’t know how far my finances will go and my parents agreed to it since my brother financially struggled and got into debt first year in uni plus it’s apparently a norm to be financially screwed during uni.
However they haven’t, they still keep asking for money to help towards food shop or for bills and i always give it because i never want to be the reason my parents can’t have the bare minimum especially with cost of living completely knocking us back. They tend to be good at paying back but i feel like sometimes i’m just a bank to them rather than a daughter with how often i’m giving them heaps of money and once again, im too paranoid to touch my money incase they need it despite me needing to save up for housing next year.
My older brother also asked me for money to travel to and from home for christmas which i understood, it’d be horrible if i didn’t but he asked me for a lot more money than i expected but i gave it anyways since he promised he’d pay it back on the 8th. A week after the 8th i reminded him, he said ‘whoops yeah i’ll pay it when i get home.’ and he never did so i messaged a week later and he responded simply announcing he will pay me in ten pound instalments, didn’t specify how frequent or even a quick sorry whatsoever. My parents also never ask him for money because they know he is financially the worst at keeping money.
I just feel conflicted. One side of me hates how stressed and ****ed i am because i’m tired of constantly having to lend out money to them because i have my own things to pay for and i need to make my money last, if its constantly being borrowed and loaned then i can’t keep track and it makes me panic. I also rarely treat myself because i’m so anxious about that money needing to be used by my family.
On the other hand i feel like a **** if i speak of it. I know my parents are struggling due to cost of living and we’ve never been financially comfortable and i’ve seen how horribly things have gone wrong before so i don’t want to be the reason they can’t afford things, it makes me feel like a monster. Same for my brother, im aware his spending is poor and he’s laid back and more of a party animal than me but i don’t want to be the reason he is stressed or make any bad tension between us.
So frankly i’m stuck in the middle between telling them politely to stop or just keeping my mouth shut and just accepting my fate as being the only financially stable one in the family.

Reply 1

londonmyst

The only answer is to firmly refuse to lend anyone money whenever they ask you.

You are not a bank or credit card company.
It is not your responsibility to provide loans to your parents.
Do not allow them to ruin your financial stability.

It sounds like your parents have serious problems with their regular weekly budgeting.
Maybe their debt levels or ability to make repayments are too high resulting in difficulties controlling their medium to long term finances.
They may need some professional advice to point them in the right direction.
There are some free services to help people see if they could be eligible for council tax discounts or options of extra financial support from the DWP.