My boyfriend avoids sexual contact, it upsets me but I can't break up with him...

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Reply 60

Anonymous #1

Original post by jennaz77

You would be stupid to end the relationship...

I do love him and it doesn't change that but I'm talking about being in a relationship, and sex is part of that.

Reply 61

Anonymous #1

Original post by melhoneybee17

you need to find out why, if he is insecure and you dont know that but you break up with him then, you couldve made it work but didnt know how to. If you really like him, try to find out why, if you find out but cant do anything about it, you need to decide which you'd prefer, him or sex with another (maybe less trustworthy/nice) guy.

The more I've thought about it the less I think it's because he's insecure, he doesn't have the drive to do it himself or any foreplay, and performance isn't important in them.

Reply 62

HmMusic

Original post by Anonymous

Also, I have depression so I get very down about the whole situation and I'm worried its doing me no good carrying on with it.

I have depression too. It must be very tough, especially if you're unsure about it all. I don't know what to suggest really. Ultimately it's a decision you have to make yourself :frown:

Reply 63

MiaMoo

To me it sounds a LOT like he might be asexual. I'm saying this because what you're describing (especially the bit about him always being that way) sounds exactly like my boyfriend who is asexual, and when we first got together I was extremely confused by the whole situation because I just couldn't relate to it. I love my boyfriend and I (personally) would feel like an idiot if I broke up with him just because he has no desire for sex - I'm not in this relationship for the sex, after all. What's important is that you understand that his lack of interest has nothing to do with you, that's just how he is. And once you understand that, you'll stop resenting him for it and allowing it to get to you.

Whether you want to be in a relationship without sex though of course is up to you, and probably depends a lot on the dynamics of your relationship. I think sex in general is a massive societal problem that puts way too much pressure on people, and too many people cannot imagine not having sex in their relationship just because that's what society dictates them to do. Me and my boyfriend are really happy together, we're really close, we cuddle a lot, we just don't have sex, but so what?

Reply 64

Midlander

Original post by jennaz77

You would be stupid to end the relationship with a good person over sex. Why don't you focus on being together and enjoying your relationship without sex? If you really love him then the absence of sex should not be an issue. Guys are always told to never pressure girls into sex, wait till shes ready, don't make her do what she doesn't want etc. Just because you are female doesn't mean you are different. You aren't with him for sex so you should be able to wait for when hes ready, pleasure yourself if necessary. Unless he has completely abstained from sex you should be able to wait for when he wants to do it. You don't sound like someone who is ready for a serious relationship, if I was your boyfriend I'd be worried that you have the potential to cheat. You should count yourself lucky for being with a guy who values other aspects of your relationship above sex, because that is really hard to find in men these days.

Yes, all I do is pester my girlfriend for sex and throw a hissy when I don't get it. I'm male therefore sex must be all I care about.

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Reply 65

Anonymous #1

Original post by MiaMoo

Whether you want to be in a relationship without sex though of course is up to you, and probably depends a lot on the dynamics of your relationship. I think sex in general is a massive societal problem that puts way too much pressure on people, and too many people cannot imagine not having sex in their relationship just because that's what society dictates them to do. Me and my boyfriend are really happy together, we're really close, we cuddle a lot, we just don't have sex, but so what?

There is some pressure because I feel like other couples, including our parents, have a more active social life than us and I feel like I'm missing out on the fun I should be having at my age. But without all that I still want the intimacy of it, I enjoy it, it's a natural thing. I wouldn't want to lose him over it but I wouldn't want to blame him for feeling like I'm missing out on it either.

Reply 66

Anonymous #1

Original post by MiaMoo

There is some pressure because I feel like other couples, including our parents, have a more active social life than us and I feel like I'm missing out on the fun I should be having at my age. But without all that I still want the intimacy of it, I enjoy it, it's a natural thing. I wouldn't want to lose him over it but I wouldn't want to blame him for feeling like I'm missing out on it either.

Reply 67

Anonymous #1

Original post by Midlander

Yes, all I do is pester my girlfriend for sex and throw a hissy when I don't get it. I'm male therefore sex must be all I care about.

Posted from TSR Mobile

At least you can admit it.

(Joking :wink:

)

Reply 68

Midlander

Original post by Anonymous

At least you can admit it.

(Joking :wink:

)

I'm positively ravenous.

Reply 69

Anonymous #1

I could understand that but I guess I won't know until things change. But apparently he's been like it before when he did have a job and he was skinny which is another issue he has.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 70

Anonymous #1

I think he does although he says not, and I could understand that for sex, but foreplay and things surely wouldn't matter?

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 71

redferry

Original post by Anonymous

He's going to be tested for testosterone but he's also supposed to be on anti anxiety meds, could it make that much difference?

Whats he on? I'm betting this is the problem, my boyfriend had exactly the same issue. Straight back to normal when he came off them.

Reply 72

Anonymous #1

Original post by redferry

Whats he on? I'm betting this is the problem, my boyfriend had exactly the same issue. Straight back to normal when he came off them.

He's not on anything and never has been, he's supposed to be, but his drive has apparently always been the same.

Reply 73

Anonymous #2

Maybe he just doesn't want to have sex? :L Not every guy has a 'wild sex drive'. I was in a similar situation and cheated, I feel awful and will always regret it as I then lost my virginity to someone else. However it made me realize what I wanted from a relationship. Maybe instead of having him change you should? or compromise? or he isn't the guy for you!... Either way don't leave it until you do something you will regret.