My bf not being ok with me going to my friend invitation because there will be boys
One of my(f24) close friend(f22) invited me to come at her apartment an evening this week to chill with other girl friends but also the new guy she’s seeing and his boy friends. I told about this to my bf(m24) and he said he’s not feeling ok with the idea I’ll be in her little appartment with boys I don’t know.
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
So you're OK with wasting your youth not going out and socializing because a bf who you probably won't end up marrying is insecure- doesn't trust you which is a red flag in a relationship.
He's controlling. Not a good sign. Someone who loves you doesn't act this way. Some girls romanticize this behaviour thinking it's because he loves her.
You're going to lose friends and live a lonely life if you let someone control you in this way
He's controlling. Not a good sign. Someone who loves you doesn't act this way. Some girls romanticize this behaviour thinking it's because he loves her.
You're going to lose friends and live a lonely life if you let someone control you in this way
(edited 8 months ago)
To my way of thinking, relationships are about trust, including trusting one another's judgement. Of course, there will be times when your boyfriend feels anxious about something you are planning to do. That is normal. However, if he reacts to that anxiety by telling you you shouldn't do something rather than by expressing his anxiety and asking for reassurence or by talking through safety worries with you, then it's controlling behaviour and isn't ok. For it to be a healthy relationship, he needs to trust you to be loyal to him and also to judge whether a particular situation is safe for yourself. You don't have to go to every event your friends suggest of course, but it should be your decision, not a case of your boyfriend telling you what to do.
I've been with my partner a few years and often go to these sorts of events. We trust one another and check in through the evening, and we're clear about what we're both comfortable with and about what our insecurities are so that we can respect and reasure one another mutually.
Questions:
1. do you trust your boyfriend to be around other girls? If not, is it because you're naturally anxious or because you think he'd realistically break your trust, or both?
2. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't trust you enough to be around other guys?
I've been with my partner a few years and often go to these sorts of events. We trust one another and check in through the evening, and we're clear about what we're both comfortable with and about what our insecurities are so that we can respect and reasure one another mutually.
Questions:
1. do you trust your boyfriend to be around other girls? If not, is it because you're naturally anxious or because you think he'd realistically break your trust, or both?
2. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't trust you enough to be around other guys?
Your boyfriend is being much too insecure. It's not even close to a fair deal for you to gain a boyfriend and lose permission to have friendly contact with literally half of the human race.
You are totally capable of not doing anything inappropriate with boys that cross your path. Your boyfriend needs to be able to trust you in that, or he is not emotionally ready to have a healthy relationship yet.
You are totally capable of not doing anything inappropriate with boys that cross your path. Your boyfriend needs to be able to trust you in that, or he is not emotionally ready to have a healthy relationship yet.
Original post by Anonymous
he said he’s not feeling ok with the idea I’ll be in her little appartment with boys I don’t know.
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
If your post had ages nearly 10 years younger than you've stated I could understand, because this is how silly schoolchildren behave about their bf/gf, but you are both being this insecure at 24yo?
Phone your friend and tell her you're sorry and you'd like to meet up. Tell your boyfriend he can have male and female friends round whilst you're out for the evening. See who blinks first. But I really think you're better off apart if you can't cope with each other socialising independently, because it's not currently a healthy relationship.
Original post by Surnia
If your post had ages nearly 10 years younger than you've stated I could understand, because this is how silly schoolchildren behave about their bf/gf, but you are both being this insecure at 24yo?
Phone your friend and tell her you're sorry and you'd like to meet up. Tell your boyfriend he can have male and female friends round whilst you're out for the evening. See who blinks first. But I really think you're better off apart if you can't cope with each other socialising independently, because it's not currently a healthy relationship.
Phone your friend and tell her you're sorry and you'd like to meet up. Tell your boyfriend he can have male and female friends round whilst you're out for the evening. See who blinks first. But I really think you're better off apart if you can't cope with each other socialising independently, because it's not currently a healthy relationship.
Yes. So much this.
Original post by Anonymous
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
Yes, Yes and finally Yes.
Your boyfriend is being unreasonable. It is perfectly normal to hang out with friends of both sexes.
Original post by Anonymous
One of my(f24) close friend(f22) invited me to come at her apartment an evening this week to chill with other girl friends but also the new guy she’s seeing and his boy friends. I told about this to my bf(m24) and he said he’s not feeling ok with the idea I’ll be in her little appartment with boys I don’t know.
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
Why do girls like you put up with this ****
Original post by Anonymous
One of my(f24) close friend(f22) invited me to come at her apartment an evening this week to chill with other girl friends but also the new guy she’s seeing and his boy friends. I told about this to my bf(m24) and he said he’s not feeling ok with the idea I’ll be in her little appartment with boys I don’t know.
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
So I told her I would prefer not to come and explain why and I think she’s kind of vexed and now I’m a bit lost with my thoughts.
I know that I’d not do anything weird with the boys and that I’d be careful but I feel like it’s not correct as someone in a relationship to be to this kind of reunion
Plus TBH I think if it was the contrary I’d not feel ok either with the Idea my bf goes to something like that
What do you think ?
Is my bf being too insecure ?
Is his insecurities blinding me ?
Am I abandoning my friend ?
I would abandon your bf
I would feel extremely insulted if my bf said that, and you're both older than I. That would genuinely feel like a smack in the face because it's like saying I can't stand up for myself or that I would cheat on him. Are you two stuck in the 15th century? Men and women can't socialize without anything romantic or sexual happening? Come on. If you two have such fickle trust in each other that this simple outing makes you uncomfortable, your relationship won't last long. It sounds very immature to me. This is the type of stuff my friends complained about at 13 not 24.
You're both going to go through life interacting with many people of the opposite gender. Are you going to glue yourselves together to ensure the other person doesn't cheat? You need to work very strongly on building your trust in each other. This status quo is extremely unhealthy.
You're both going to go through life interacting with many people of the opposite gender. Are you going to glue yourselves together to ensure the other person doesn't cheat? You need to work very strongly on building your trust in each other. This status quo is extremely unhealthy.
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