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How normal or worrying was my parent's treatment of me?

I am an 19 year old male from the UK. My family are together, I am studying at a very good university and I have a boyfriend who loves me. However, my boyfriend has alerted me to the fact that I may not be as stable as I first thought. This has made me think about how the way I was raised, and if it has affected my mental health. So I wanted an outsider's perspective on how normal or disturbing the treatment I had as a child was.

I was always provided for. My dad was in general calm, dutiful and caring. However, he drank a lot when under pressure. And he did hit me on quite a few occasions. He threw batteries at me once, and once picked up a load of medals I'd won at soccer tournaments, and slung them around my face. I wasn't too badly hurt as I sheltered myself under my duvet. He also kicked me, swore at me and called me "B*stard" regularly. I remember my sister once had a friend over for a sleepover, and he said to my sister "you think you're so f8cking clever" right in front of her. This all happened when we were age 10 or younger. He also used to drive us to places while under the influence of alcohol.

MY mom also had issues with depression and prescription drugs. She attempted suicide twice and we once spent Christmas eve cleaning up her blood after she'd attempted to slash her wrists. She crashed her car car several times as she would also drive zonked on anti-depressants. She is a nurse and she also stole drugs from work. She also hit us on a few occasions.

I'm not making out I was an angel. I've always been a difficult kid. And I never thought about these issues because as I've got older, I've realized that everyone has issues and everyone has things that they are ashamed of doing. And I do feel that my family is fundamentally stable and loving; we are still together and we still support each other. But I want to know if what I experienced could have affected me in a strong way or not. I've never spoken about this to anyone outside of the family, so any insight would be helpful.

Reply 1

Coke Or Pepsi

I certainly think that people are products of their pasts. But why is that a bad thing? Even if your past has affected you, what could you possibly do about that now? Everyone goes through things during their life, and sure it shapes them - but not necessarily for the worst. I know plenty of people with sort of... 'mental stability' problems (myself included) who perhaps haven't had such a traumatic child-hood experience. Similarly, I know plenty of people who have suffered trauma as children, but are now well-shaped, young adults.

It seems like you went through a lot as a child, but don't let that define who you are :smile:

Best of luck.

Original post by andragonous

IX.

Reply 2

1219269

Don't take this is the wrong way, but sounds like you've had not such a good start? Yeah that's bad alright, swearing I front of people under 10... Says it all really tbh but yeah that's not normal. Wish I could help more but there's not much else to say, are they as bad now?

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Reply 3

civilstudent

I think the way we are brought up by parents does influence what we are like to an extent but at the end of the day I think we can choose what we wish to be like so I wouldnt worry too much. I wouldnt say I had an easy time growing up. I wasnt abused but was treated by my parents the same way which they were as children had to expose my behind bend over to get my ass beat and all that they were just not with the times. Then again I did steal from a shop once and smashed a car window but that was when I used to hang out with idiots. I dont think I have confidence to do things like most people seem to like Im too scared to drive in places I dont know and I think its because my parents didnt push me and told me everything was unsafe. At least Im aware of that though and can try to change myself.

I think it really depends on you as to whether those things affected you and how long those things went on. Some children are more sensitive than others but its suprising how many others have similar bad things happen. If you cant forget these things and feel they are affecting you why not speak to someone about it?

Reply 4

pandabird

I remember my lecturer once saying we tend to overemphasise the effects our parents have on our development, we tend to use them as an excuse. But I don't think that applies to you, you sound like you have had a very tough upbringing, even though you didn't really see it at the time. My Dad is an alcoholic, and my mother has suffered with depression (though both not as bad as your parents by the sounds) and so I have an idea about how difficult it can be.
I think you should get some counselling, the best thing to do is to realise your troubles and try and find the cause. I think then you can move on from them and live your life without having so many underlying issues. Although you sound like you're doing well for yourself, what exactly gives you the impression that you aren't so stable as you thought?