Fixation on revenge on former bullies has made me very unpleasant

Basically to cut a long story short, throughout school till the second year of sixth form I was always a geek boy. I was very thin, short, had bad skin and terrible sense of style. Then from 18-19 years old onwards my features drastically changed and I also hit the gym. My skin cleared up, my cheekbones developed, i looked more mature and my jaw grew.
To cut a long story short, but 21 I became model standard (not being conceited, but just very truthful, it would not be arrogant to make a truthful claim) and in general life with the opposite sex is very easy. Men either hate me or they are very nice to me.

Problem is, I am very bitter against my former bullies in school and college and have made it my business to intimidate them in the off chance i see them. I have done this to quite a few of them now and there are not many left. And they look terrified, but i am still unhappy, because i have not taken my revenge on all of them. I know this is unhealthy. But, yet, i am unsure if i will even be happy if i did manage to get my revenge on every single one. I have just been obsessed at times with being seen in my new state and just being seen as not being that geeky awkward little kid anymore. But it just hurts sometimes still you know? I know I am consumed with hatred and want to make them suffer, but, even in their obvious fear... I am not satisfied. And that worries me somewhat because revenge was not enough and i am still not happy.

Reply 1

LightBlueSoldier

14

You're screwed up. Seek help immediately.

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Reply 2

TimesChange

I admit, I'm similar, I've been thinking of ways of getting revenge on the people who bullied me. So you're not the only one.

Reply 3

LightBlueSoldier

14

Original post by TimesChange

I admit, I'm similar, I've been thinking of ways of getting revenge on the people who bullied me. So you're not the only one.

I thought you were leaving?

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Reply 4

TimesChange

Original post by LightBlueSoldier

I thought you were leaving?

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I am, just thinking of a 'great last speech' to say goodbye in,.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by LightBlueSoldier

You're screwed up. Seek help immediately.

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Really? I guess you have never been bullied then or made a fool out of. Trust me, the revenge is VERY satisfying. But it is never quite enough, I am always wanting more and that is the problem. They are fearful yes, but you know, I want an apology and I guess I am not going to get that. So, it is more that i enjoy seeing them suffer. E.g. If i found out they or their family had cancer, if their kids are ill eventually etc, i would get high from that ****. It makes me a bad person yes, but I had so many years of misery.

Reply 6

The_Dragonborn

Eh, you're not the only one. It's not screwed up.

Reply 7

Stinkum

3

Wow...I feel you man. I can certainly relate to that. Like you, I'm also consumed with guilt. Even at the age of 22, I've never forgotten all the terrible experiences I suffered at the hands of countless bullies, all of which have been gangs of chavs. Unfortunately, I have been completely unable to get any kind of payback. As much as I would love to, I know I would never be able to confront them or achieve any sort of retribution, I'm a completely non violent person and I never get into any arguments or confrontations with anyone. I can't be like them, can never do to others what bullies did to me.

So I gotta hand it to you man, good on you for doing what you can. But just be careful how far you go. Believe me, these scum are not worth getting in trouble over. You don't want to get chucked out of an institution, lose your job or get arrested by the police because you decided to get payback on a bully.

Just reading your opening post brought back lots of memories from secondary school, and I feel exactly the same way as you feel. Sadly, I know it's something I'll never achieve. But I'm fine with that. The real payback is that all those chavs that bullied me are all just a bunch of losers now, while I've gone on to achieve big things.

Reply 8

redferry

19

Sounds pretty normal to me. If I saw my bullies today I'd probably stab them in the eye.

Reply 9

scotttb

15

Original post by Anonymous

and my jaw grew.

Hello there ladies.

Reply 10

consumed by stuff

9

There was too many cringe things in there seriously. Your physical appearence cn cange all it wants, you need to change this mentality of the victim.

Reply 11

Profesh

20

Original post by TimesChange

I am, just thinking of a 'great last speech' to say goodbye in,.

No you're not.

Reply 12

username1258398

19

Original post by Anonymous

i am still unhappy, because i have not taken my revenge on all of them.

You're not unhappy because you haven't got every last drop of sweet revenge, you're unhappy because you were bullied. It's really not healthy to be so resentful to people, even if they are complete nob-lickers (I know the type, I live in a pretty rough area). I was picked on a fair bit in the lower years of secondary school, but I'm not bitter any more about it. Honestly, when I look at the guys today all I can feel is pity. They're pretty screwed up people.

Reply 13

TimesChange

Original post by Profesh

No you're not.

Yes, I am, I do the things I say I'll do, I don't drop out or give up or anything, like some people do. I'm true to my word.

Reply 14

username1258398

19

Original post by TimesChange

Yes, I am, I do the things I say I'll do, I don't drop out or give up or anything, like some people do. I'm true to my word.

okm8

Reply 15

LightBlueSoldier

14

Original post by Anonymous

Really? I guess you have never been bullied then or made a fool out of. Trust me, the revenge is VERY satisfying. But it is never quite enough, I am always wanting more and that is the problem. They are fearful yes, but you know, I want an apology and I guess I am not going to get that. So, it is more that i enjoy seeing them suffer. E.g. If i found out they or their family had cancer, if their kids are ill eventually etc, i would get high from that ****. It makes me a bad person yes, but I had so many years of misery.

People have screwed me over in the past. I don't go looking for revenge though

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Reply 16

Riku

2

The best revenge is living a happy life :smile:

Reply 17

Ranagazoo

4

Let Karma takes it's course, there is no need for you to give up as much of your time in being bitter. It makes you out to be just as bad.

You may get you one or two sore faces if you let your bitterness consume you. Be careful.

Reply 18

anosmianAcrimony

20

Original post by Anonymous

Really? I guess you have never been bullied then or made a fool out of. Trust me, the revenge is VERY satisfying. But it is never quite enough, I am always wanting more and that is the problem. They are fearful yes, but you know, I want an apology and I guess I am not going to get that. So, it is more that i enjoy seeing them suffer. E.g. If i found out they or their family had cancer, if their kids are ill eventually etc, i would get high from that ****. It makes me a bad person yes, but I had so many years of misery.

I'm sorry to have to say this, but I was bullied for four or five years and never tried to seek any kind of revenge. I fantasised about it, to a certain extent, and then realised that was wrong and stopped doing it.

There is no excuse for wishing cancer on someone or their family.