The Student Room Group

Should I distance myself from him?

Hey. So I’ve currently been working in a job to get a bit of experience with employment. Our team is really small, there is only 3 of us. Me and my boss recently started to get really close as the other person in our team is just impossible to work with. She has made his life really difficult for months now.

Back in February, my boss and I started going out for drinks at a local pub after work every night, without anybody knowing. It was basically just to offload about the work/team situation, but in the process we started to open up to each other and discovered we have loads of things in common. There is an age gap of 13 years - which isn’t ideal but it didn’t stop my feelings for him growing. I ended up telling him these feelings after a few weeks, and he told me that with everything going on at work - along with his crazy ex - a relationship just wasn’t on the cards at the moment. That, combined with the fact that he’s my boss. I fully respected this.

So we continued going for drinks, and there were a lot of mixed signals going off. At one point, I asked him if there was any chance for us, ever. And he said no. The next evening, he told me that if we weren’t employee/boss then he’d ask me out for dinner. He also said he’d only have dinner or a meal out with someone he saw in a romantic sense.

To cut an even longer story short, the same thing continued for a long time. Recently, we both ended up quitting our jobs due to the fact that the work situation was impossible. He was being bullied in his position, and I couldn’t stand by and watch it happen due to my feelings for him. So, we both left.

That same week, we spent all weekend together (going to our respective homes in between), we went for lunch, he made me dinner at his house, and when we weren’t together we spoke on the phone for hours at a time. About everything that was going on, but also about life in general. Two nights, I went to his house and ended up staying until 4am just drinking, chatting and having fun. Nothing happened - the most was a hug at the end of each time.

Understandably, my feelings have developed exponentially for him. We’ve been through a lot of stuff together, and now we’re coming out the other side where he is no longer my boss and he wants to keep in contact (he told me so himself). But he also keeps saying how he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I get all of that, and it’s fine, but I just need to know: should I distance myself from him? We’ve been all eachother has through a really rough time, so we’ve gotten close. But I can physically feel myself falling hard for him and his mixed signals between what he says and what he does are really messing with my head. I don’t want to lose him, and I’m scared that distancing myself from him may make this happen.

Am I crazy to think that the signals he’s giving off are very mixed? What do other people think in terms of his feelings? Should I stop talking to him?

Thank you!
Your a student this boss is 13 years older and your feeling him 😰
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Your a student this boss is 13 years older and your feeling him 😰

I’m a mature student haha, 25 years old 😊
Oooohhhh girl, can't you see the red flags???? My advice would be don't date him, but it's only down to you.
Reply 4
Original post by leedsstudent2001
Oooohhhh girl, can't you see the red flags???? My advice would be don't date him, but it's only down to you.

I’m pretty bad at seeing the signs haha 😅 but I don’t think dating is on the table. I just don’t know whether to distance myself as a friend or not 😭
Yes, you need to distance yourself from him.
You want a relationship and he doesn't.
Time to move on unless you want to end up feeling very hurt and losing a friendship you value having with a former coworker.

Quick Reply