Is my coworker gaslighting me?

This has been building up over several months, and if I’m honest I only noticed the signs very recently. To provide some context, I am not from this country, and his line manager behaves in a very similar way to me. His line manager was also my line manager until recently, when the team was restructured. I joined this company as a graduate last year.

Whenever I say x in a conversation he will immediately contradict and say y, e.g. the other day I said in a light hearted way ‘it’s getting very busy at the moment!’ due to a lot of project work coming in, to which he responded ‘yes and it’s a good thing so I’m not sure why you’re complaining’. There are multiple other examples like this that happen every week, which i brushed off as harmless. However, a couple of weeks ago when we went for work drinks, he said several remarks that made me raise an eyebrow. First, he asked if i got out drinking regularly, to which i responded that I only have a couple of drinks a week if I go out socially, he then said ‘so you only binge drink then’. Earlier that evening he had also said that I probably retain alcohol better because i’m ‘chunkier’, again putting me in a defensive position (I am a healthy weight).

I don’t really know what to do or think about this, he’s now quite passive aggressive at work (only to me I’ve noticed). I don’t think about it too much but it has made me more reclusive at work and now I just tend to do my job and go home again, and avoid these work socials. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Reply 1

ThatOldGuy

Where do you work?

My response will be very different if you work at McDonald's compared to if you work at PwC.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by ThatOldGuy

Where do you work?

My response will be very different if you work at McDonald's compared to if you work at PwC.

I’m a graduate at a similar company to PwC.

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

It’s sounds like they’re being contrary and trying (and failing) to be funny.

Nothing you’ve written makes me think this is related to gaslighting.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Admit-One

It’s sounds like they’re being contrary and trying (and failing) to be funny.

Nothing you’ve written makes me think this is related to gaslighting.

Ok, some of these ‘contrary’ remarks have also been about my work. Maybe it isn’t gaslighting, but I would like this to stop and i’m not sure what to do about it.

Reply 5

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Ok, some of these ‘contrary’ remarks have also been about my work. Maybe it isn’t gaslighting, but I would like this to stop and i’m not sure what to do about it.

Unless they’ve overstepped the mark at work then there’s not much you can do. You’ll work with a few unpleasant people over the course of your career, and many more with a bad sense of humour. If they’re unprofessional then you can raise it with your line manager, but bear in mind you’ve got to have a working relationship with them.