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I've come to the conclusion I'm insecure and need help....

Basically I'm in a very emotional place right now...

I get insecure and envious of people. I always put myself down and compare and contrast. I don't find myself attractive, handsome or in any way a 'catch' I wonder often why I have a girlfriend. I always dwell on the past....on failures, on the things I've done wrong and also on my rivals achievements.

I have had a long history of depression and anxiety so this isn't all new to me, but I'm just so fed up and sick and tired of my life. To the point where I feel I'd rather just curl up and die.

I am finding it hard to break out of this cycle of putting myself down, trusting people (especially in relationships). My girlfriend is everything I'm not she is confident, outgoing, bubbly, and had many friends. She is a socialite and has connections all over. She is very chatty and goes out a lot. She studies a drama based subject at university, and so is naturally bubbly and loves meeting new people. She is dynamic, can adapt to change well...is so relaxed and care-free, and is very flirty and expressive.

I am the opposite, I'm socially awkward, anxious, depressed/dark, sad and generally stuck in a rut.

I often get annoyed because whenever I text my girlfriend she takes ages to respond, although I know she is busy with her job, as she has told me, but she takes considerably longer than me.

Because of this I often feel annoyed and unhappy, like she doesn't care. I often get irritated because she doesn't take the same amount of time to reply to me. Of course this sounds possessive and nasty but I just feel like I'm here thinking of her 24/7 waiting by my phone (like a sad person) texting her immediately. Yet she has friends goes out and about and has mates to see and is much happier as a person, and replies when she wants., usually a while later. I think maybe I invest a lot more into the relationship than she does out of my own insecurity. I feel pathetic and sad and so low.

Can anybody relate to my low self esteem or offer advice?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Perhaps I'm just not happy in myself....I don't think it's fair to project my feelings onto others....I just feel stuck in the same old boring monotony of life. The same life, the same place, people and my job is getting me down too...

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I'll be honest here; I didn't have anything like you sound, I had low self esteem and I was always conscious about how other people would judge me and how I look. I didn't think this was the case until one of my best mates told me that I have a low self esteem. The first time he said it I ignored it. The second time he said it, it went in one ear and out the other. Then I dwelled on what he said and he said it the 3rd time.

After that I started to think maybe I'm not as bad as I think I am. I was right, no-one said anything about my looks when I was negative about myself. But since then, I have heard girls say (not to my face but to my friends and it's got back to me):

"(my name) is good looking"

"(my name) is cute"

"my name) is a dark horse"

I don't know whether it's because I am more positive about myself now that I start to hear compliments or if it's just a coincidence. However, I don't believe in coincidences; there's always a reason :wink:

Reply 3

biofrance

Hi!

I don't really know if I can help, but I have a comment on this.

A very good thing is that you can spot where you're going wrong. The help you need is with *how* to get back on track.

I hope you find someone who can help you better than I can. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here!

:hello:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

mrandmr.crane

Original post by Anonymous

Don't know how much this will help, but maybe write like a bucket list? List some random stuff to do that will be fun to try, get you out of your routine and help you meet some new people? It could be something random like a circus society, something less out there (work on fitness, learn a new language/instrument/skill etc...?) but still fun for you. Something that allows you to work towards a goal but isn't too stressful/high-pressured, or maybe something you've always wanted to do but haven't found time for.

I can't say much about your feelings in relation to your girlfriend (know nothing about relationships!), but I feel really insecure at times, and I think it's one of those things you've got come to overcome internally. I don't know if things change when you're with someone, but try to see happiness as something you've got to find for yourself. Not saying that you shouldn't ever discuss how you feel or communicate with people close to you or anything like that (you should), but just try changing your personal mindset. Recognise that you have weaknesses, but be positive that you can work on some of these and aware of your strengths and good sides; admire others and be inspired by them but try not to compare yourself to them to the point where you end up being too hard on yourself, etc. Maybe just force yourself to let things go sometimes. You can't be happy all the time so don't berate yourself for feeling like total crap some days, but at the same time try to be positive. It's hard but worth giving a go.

Sorry if this hasn't been of much help (or is filled with typos!). I wish you all the best though, and hope you feel better soon :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)