I think I'm genuinely scared of intimacy 😬

so some fun facts:
I'm a 19 year old cis woman
I have hyperhidrosis in my hands, feet and armpits
I'm omnisexual )
I'm Indian

so I've never been 'allowed' a bf/gf by my parents because of my culture (but I have had a few anyway)
this along with my hyperhidrosis, lack of freedom growing up, and my bad first kiss experience (he stuck his tongue out straight away, it was slimy) has all made me super anxious about intimacy with an s/o-

because of my bad first kiss experience, my ex and I only ever kissed closed mouth after that (tbf I didn't even tell him I didn't like it, I think he just caught on bless). SO I don't even know how to kiss. at my big age 💀

and I'm actually a very touchy person- I show affection to my friends all the time by hugging them, pecking them, holding their arms, sitting on their laps, letting them lay on my laps, even biting them ffs
but when it comes to someone I'm interested in my hyperhidrosis goes MENTAL, it's literally like a flood 💀 so yeah there's that

I've only ever kissed that one ex as well, and we've never gone any further because of my lack of freedom growing up (mind I was with him for almost a year but that was back in year 10 I think?)
moral of the story is I have no sexual experiences- a complete and utter virgin

and as if my hyperhidrosis wasn't bad enough, I have body dysmorphia and I'm honestly really insecure about the way my body looks:
I have small boobs which I'm not mad about tbh but I have unproportionately big areolas??? for what???
I have a wide ribcage relatively, I'm built like an upside down triangle with relatively wide shoulders and narrow hips
the most annoying thing is I'm on the skinny side (not healthy though 🥲) but I carry weight in my lower stomach and ABSOLUTELY NO WEIGHT WHATSOEVER IN MY ASS

my body hair also grows back super quickly and it's noticeable straight away since I have black hair
and I know I know shaving is a personal choice, there's no shame in having body hair, etc etc but I'm still insecure okay?

so yeah
all in all I'm insecure as hell
sweaty as hell
inexperienced as hell
and thus scared of intimacy

I'm comfortable in the way my face looks, I know face wise I more or less fit into the beauty standard (as much as an ethnic girl can fit into the beauty standard anyway)
but because of the way my face looks, how I act around my friends, how I dress, etc people think I'm a lot more experienced than I am? I've had quite a lot of people approach me simply for a one night stand or fwb situation

because of *all of the above* I feel like unless someone completely sweeps me off my feet, I can't be intimate with someone I don't 100% trust or have a deep connection with

but then again, I can't form this trust/ deep connection with anyone because I always withdraw myself from people when I realise that the 'next step' in that relationship is sex/ something similar

thing is I know all of this is normal, feeling this way is normal so I just want to find more people like myself/ people who used to be like me but somehow found something that worked for them

I've talked to my friends about this but 2 of my best friends have been happy together for almost 5 years and my best friend has always been comfortable having sex with whoever she wants so as much as they give me advice or reassurance, they just don't get it :/

Hey there!

Before I start, I just want to let you know that all your thoughts, feelings, and concerns are valid and very normal. While I don't have specific experience in all your areas of concern, I do have experience with body hair, body dysmorphia, fear of intimacy, etc. The main piece of advice I have for you is: don't put yourself on a time limit. There are people who lose their virginities at 30, and it honestly doesn't matter all that much. I lost mine in my early 20s to someone else who was also a virgin in his early 20s; it was awkward, a little confusing, and a little nerve-wrecking. And that's all completely normal.

All that aside, I do want to tell you that your fear of intimacy is nothing to do with other people. What I mean by this is that it's not up to a partner to 'sweep you off your feet'; sex and intimacy are personal feelings, and it's a lot of pressure to put on someone (and yourself) to expect it to go perfectly. With your background, I would actually suggest therapy or counselling. This isn't a bad thing.

I struggled with intimacy due to trauma, body dysmorphia, bad experiences, and other personal issues. I reached out and ended up getting therapy to discuss these issues, and found a lot of psychological triggers for the way I feel and, in turn, how my body reacts to that. While therapy might not be for everyone, there's a potential for you to find out what your triggers are and being able to lessen their impact by speaking to someone objective. It can be scary, but it's helpful.

Overall, and although it's easier said than done, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Let things flow, let go of the little things, and understand that at 19, you're still navigating the world and your place in it.

goddd, i know how you feel.

I've never had a proper relationship, due to my trust issues and my strict parents (my relationships have all been online). So I've never been intimate, but the more I think about it, the more scared I get.
But your body sounds perfect so dw about your small boobs with large areolas (they sound perfect ) and your ass is perfect. Also you could look into treatment for your condition if you wanted it.

if you wanna talk, please don't feel afraid to hmu

thank you so much stranger )

yeah I think the way I've been dragging things out because of my family and my insecurities has just made intimacy seem more and more scary to me when it shouldn't have to be

you sound like an amazing person, I might just have to take you up on that offer some time

hey!

yeah I know it's selfish of me to put these expectations on other people at the end of the day both of us will be disappointed if things don't go how I expected them to in my head

therapy is something I've always considered, I just don't really know how to access it? any advice?

so some fun facts:
I'm a 19 year old cis woman
I have hyperhidrosis in my hands, feet and armpits
I'm omnisexual )
I'm Indian

so I've never been 'allowed' a bf/gf by my parents because of my culture (but I have had a few anyway)
this along with my hyperhidrosis, lack of freedom growing up, and my bad first kiss experience (he stuck his tongue out straight away, it was slimy) has all made me super anxious about intimacy with an s/o-

because of my bad first kiss experience, my ex and I only ever kissed closed mouth after that (tbf I didn't even tell him I didn't like it, I think he just caught on bless). SO I don't even know how to kiss. at my big age 💀

and I'm actually a very touchy person- I show affection to my friends all the time by hugging them, pecking them, holding their arms, sitting on their laps, letting them lay on my laps, even biting them ffs
but when it comes to someone I'm interested in my hyperhidrosis goes MENTAL, it's literally like a flood 💀 so yeah there's that

I've only ever kissed that one ex as well, and we've never gone any further because of my lack of freedom growing up (mind I was with him for almost a year but that was back in year 10 I think?)
moral of the story is I have no sexual experiences- a complete and utter virgin

and as if my hyperhidrosis wasn't bad enough, I have body dysmorphia and I'm honestly really insecure about the way my body looks:
I have small boobs which I'm not mad about tbh but I have unproportionately big areolas??? for what???
I have a wide ribcage relatively, I'm built like an upside down triangle with relatively wide shoulders and narrow hips
the most annoying thing is I'm on the skinny side (not healthy though 🥲) but I carry weight in my lower stomach and ABSOLUTELY NO WEIGHT WHATSOEVER IN MY ASS

my body hair also grows back super quickly and it's noticeable straight away since I have black hair
and I know I know shaving is a personal choice, there's no shame in having body hair, etc etc but I'm still insecure okay?

so yeah
all in all I'm insecure as hell
sweaty as hell
inexperienced as hell
and thus scared of intimacy

I'm comfortable in the way my face looks, I know face wise I more or less fit into the beauty standard (as much as an ethnic girl can fit into the beauty standard anyway)
but because of the way my face looks, how I act around my friends, how I dress, etc people think I'm a lot more experienced than I am? I've had quite a lot of people approach me simply for a one night stand or fwb situation

because of *all of the above* I feel like unless someone completely sweeps me off my feet, I can't be intimate with someone I don't 100% trust or have a deep connection with

but then again, I can't form this trust/ deep connection with anyone because I always withdraw myself from people when I realise that the 'next step' in that relationship is sex/ something similar

thing is I know all of this is normal, feeling this way is normal so I just want to find more people like myself/ people who used to be like me but somehow found something that worked for them

I've talked to my friends about this but 2 of my best friends have been happy together for almost 5 years and my best friend has always been comfortable having sex with whoever she wants so as much as they give me advice or reassurance, they just don't get it :/