Best friend accused me of rape
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Original post by Coxy124
http://www.rapeandabuse.co.nz/what-is-rape/
"
What if you were drunk?
Perpetrators often use alcohol or drugs to make someone vulnerable or to excuse their own behaviour. If you are too drunk to decide or unaware of what is going on you cannot give true consent. It is never your fault: Being drunk does not mean you give up your human rights.
Definitions
Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without consent. Consenting to sex means that you know what you are doing, you want to do it and you can stop at any time.
If a person is too drunk to decide or unaware of what’s happening to them, they can not give true consent. This is rape. Even if the rapist was drunk too, even if the victim doesn’t remember everything: taking advantage of someone who is drunk or on drugs is rape. Rape is a common form of sexual assault. It is committed in many situations — on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone."
"
What if you were drunk?
Perpetrators often use alcohol or drugs to make someone vulnerable or to excuse their own behaviour. If you are too drunk to decide or unaware of what is going on you cannot give true consent. It is never your fault: Being drunk does not mean you give up your human rights.
Definitions
Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without consent. Consenting to sex means that you know what you are doing, you want to do it and you can stop at any time.
If a person is too drunk to decide or unaware of what’s happening to them, they can not give true consent. This is rape. Even if the rapist was drunk too, even if the victim doesn’t remember everything: taking advantage of someone who is drunk or on drugs is rape. Rape is a common form of sexual assault. It is committed in many situations — on a date, by a friend or an acquaintance, or when you think you are alone."
Therefore if he is claiming he doesnt remember it then he is unaware of whats happening and its rape.
Original post by Coxy124
Mate, if he isn't lying and he cant remember it due to being so drunk... then thats rape. If he's lying then he's made his decision to not be your friend. You have to just accept that, I don't think there is any fix to this friendship.
Just because he can't remember doesn't mean it's rape, at all. If OP's account is correct, and he initiated and was indeed awake, it isn't rape.
Original post by joker12345
Just because he can't remember doesn't mean it's rape, at all. If OP's account is correct, and he initiated and was indeed awake, it isn't rape.
Read my post at the top of this page.
Original post by Coxy124
Therefore if he is claiming he doesnt remember it then he is unaware of whats happening and its rape.
Look at the case law R v Bree.
OP weren't you drunk too?
Text him back saying that you were also drunk and therefore you were also raped.
Text him back saying that you were also drunk and therefore you were also raped.
I think some of the people who think you can afford to be careless about consent with a drunken partner should read this: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/wales-footballer-is-jailed-for-raping-teenager-too-drunk-to-consent-7665932.html
It definitely wasn't rape if he initiated it. But why did you feel the need to go around telling everyone?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Treeroy
Sorry for continuing on my original thread but there were a lot of rude people/trolls, and it got deleted. Maybe this thread can be friendlier?
Basically, me and my best guy friend are 18, I'm openly gay and he's straight (so he says). We got really drunk on Tuesday night and had sex. He initiated it and although he was very drunk, he could still get it up.
Since then he has acted completely normal, so I suspected he might not remember, or maybe he's just fine since we're good friends.
But this afternoon he texted me telling me that someone told him about it, and he doesn't remember. He claims he remembers passing out in the bed (which he never did, apart from going to sleep after we had sex), and that if anything I've said is true then I raped him. He said if he was so drunk that he wasn't unconscious but was doing it, then that was still rape. And he said the only other alternative is that I'm making this up, in which case he still has no respect for me.
Basically, he has told me that we are no longer friends and that I shouldn't ever talk to him again. I've talked to my bff and she thinks he just regrets sleeping with me because he will be known as having unprotected sex with a gay guy, which may put girls off him (he has a big reputation as a bit of a player) since us gays aren't exactly known for being clean and STD-free.
To make matters worse, it turns out that he has got back together with his ex, so I've had her yelling at me the whole afternoon for sleeping with her boyfriend (because obviously he can't take the blame for cheating, right). She was a good friend but I fear I've lost her too.
Essentially I've really screwed up my friendship with my best friend and he says he believes I am either a liar or a rapist, and I have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome
Basically, me and my best guy friend are 18, I'm openly gay and he's straight (so he says). We got really drunk on Tuesday night and had sex. He initiated it and although he was very drunk, he could still get it up.
Since then he has acted completely normal, so I suspected he might not remember, or maybe he's just fine since we're good friends.
But this afternoon he texted me telling me that someone told him about it, and he doesn't remember. He claims he remembers passing out in the bed (which he never did, apart from going to sleep after we had sex), and that if anything I've said is true then I raped him. He said if he was so drunk that he wasn't unconscious but was doing it, then that was still rape. And he said the only other alternative is that I'm making this up, in which case he still has no respect for me.
Basically, he has told me that we are no longer friends and that I shouldn't ever talk to him again. I've talked to my bff and she thinks he just regrets sleeping with me because he will be known as having unprotected sex with a gay guy, which may put girls off him (he has a big reputation as a bit of a player) since us gays aren't exactly known for being clean and STD-free.
To make matters worse, it turns out that he has got back together with his ex, so I've had her yelling at me the whole afternoon for sleeping with her boyfriend (because obviously he can't take the blame for cheating, right). She was a good friend but I fear I've lost her too.
Essentially I've really screwed up my friendship with my best friend and he says he believes I am either a liar or a rapist, and I have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome
This is exactly what I said to you in your other thread. You are a rapist. You took advantage of him. Straight people would never want to have a sexual experience with a member of the same sex. You violated him. You took advantage of him. The justice system needs reforming so rapists like you are treated the same as normal rapists. Do not make yourself to be the victim. You "people" make me sick
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Good bloke
I think some of the people who think you can afford to be careless about consent with a drunken partner should read this: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/wales-footballer-is-jailed-for-raping-teenager-too-drunk-to-consent-7665932.html
The evidence paved the way for the conviction.
Original post by The Right
This is exactly what I said to you in your other thread. You are a rapist. You took advantage of him. Straight people would never want to have a sexual experience with a member of the same sex. You violated him. You took advantage of him. The justice system needs reforming so rapists like you are treated the same as normal rapists. Do not make yourself to be the victim. You "people" make me sick
He isn't a rapist.
Original post by tehforum
The evidence paved the way for the conviction.
As one would expect.
Original post by The Right
This is exactly what I said to you in your other thread. You are a rapist. You took advantage of him. Straight people would never want to have a sexual experience with a member of the same sex. You violated him. You took advantage of him. The justice system needs reforming so rapists like you are treated the same as normal rapists. Do not make yourself to be the victim. You "people" make me sick
Unless his friend isnt straight...
It sounds much more like his friend is insecure about having homosexual feelings. Having a "player" reputation could support this idea in the sense of him trying to convince himself he isnt gay.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by The Right
This is exactly what I said to you in your other thread. You are a rapist. You took advantage of him. Straight people would never want to have a sexual experience with a member of the same sex. You violated him. You took advantage of him. The justice system needs reforming so rapists like you are treated the same as normal rapists. Do not make yourself to be the victim. You "people" make me sick
The OP's friend was the one who initiated it... If you get drunk and do something you regret, it's your own fault. People are responsible for their own behaviour: if the OP's friend didn't want to have sex with another man, then he shouldn't have got drunk and initiated sex with another man.
(This is assuming that the OP's account is accurate.)
Original post by Good bloke
As one would expect.
And there's no such evidence here. Just one tale versus another.
The general rule is: drunken consent is still consent.
But only up to a point where the complainant has the capacity to do so. Whether one has the capacity to consent is decided by the steps taken by the defendant to ascertain whether the complainant had in fact consented.
From everything in the OP, it'll basically come down to your word against his as to exactly how drunk he was and exactly how forthcoming his consent was. Being too drunk to remember it doesn't necessarily mean he was too drunk to consent, and obviously if he initiated it then it's a non-starter.
To me it sounds like he's embarrassed by what he might have done while he was drunk and is trying to hide his regrets (can't be certain without having been there though). Not sure what you can do to get your friendship back on track, but not making a big deal out of it would be a good idea if at all possible.
To me it sounds like he's embarrassed by what he might have done while he was drunk and is trying to hide his regrets (can't be certain without having been there though). Not sure what you can do to get your friendship back on track, but not making a big deal out of it would be a good idea if at all possible.
Oh God, another thread about drunk sex/rape turns into a debate about 'Bree'...
My gf's Dad is a criminal DJ specialising in sexual offences, he sees these a lot and has the following view. Bree is awful law, the test is so vague as to be useless in many cases, it will come down to judicial discretion. We are not judges, we cannot say, if there is significant proof OP's best friend was very drunk he could be reasonably prosected, the outcome is about as certain as the Scottish referendum.
OP. Either he's lying and doesn't want to be your friend, or telling the truth, in which case you have a bigger problem.
If you think it's the former tell him to put up or shut up, you've lost him as a friend any way. If it's the latter you need to talk to him and try sort it out, because it's obviously a serious, serious matter.
My gf's Dad is a criminal DJ specialising in sexual offences, he sees these a lot and has the following view. Bree is awful law, the test is so vague as to be useless in many cases, it will come down to judicial discretion. We are not judges, we cannot say, if there is significant proof OP's best friend was very drunk he could be reasonably prosected, the outcome is about as certain as the Scottish referendum.
OP. Either he's lying and doesn't want to be your friend, or telling the truth, in which case you have a bigger problem.
If you think it's the former tell him to put up or shut up, you've lost him as a friend any way. If it's the latter you need to talk to him and try sort it out, because it's obviously a serious, serious matter.
Original post by Treeroy
Sorry for continuing on my original thread but there were a lot of rude people/trolls, and it got deleted. Maybe this thread can be friendlier?
Basically, me and my best guy friend are 18, I'm openly gay and he's straight (so he says). We got really drunk on Tuesday night and had sex. He initiated it and although he was very drunk, he could still get it up.
Since then he has acted completely normal, so I suspected he might not remember, or maybe he's just fine since we're good friends.
But this afternoon he texted me telling me that someone told him about it, and he doesn't remember. He claims he remembers passing out in the bed (which he never did, apart from going to sleep after we had sex), and that if anything I've said is true then I raped him. He said if he was so drunk that he wasn't unconscious but was doing it, then that was still rape. And he said the only other alternative is that I'm making this up, in which case he still has no respect for me.
Basically, he has told me that we are no longer friends and that I shouldn't ever talk to him again. I've talked to my bff and she thinks he just regrets sleeping with me because he will be known as having unprotected sex with a gay guy, which may put girls off him (he has a big reputation as a bit of a player) since us gays aren't exactly known for being clean and STD-free.
To make matters worse, it turns out that he has got back together with his ex, so I've had her yelling at me the whole afternoon for sleeping with her boyfriend (because obviously he can't take the blame for cheating, right). She was a good friend but I fear I've lost her too.
Essentially I've really screwed up my friendship with my best friend and he says he believes I am either a liar or a rapist, and I have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome
Basically, me and my best guy friend are 18, I'm openly gay and he's straight (so he says). We got really drunk on Tuesday night and had sex. He initiated it and although he was very drunk, he could still get it up.
Since then he has acted completely normal, so I suspected he might not remember, or maybe he's just fine since we're good friends.
But this afternoon he texted me telling me that someone told him about it, and he doesn't remember. He claims he remembers passing out in the bed (which he never did, apart from going to sleep after we had sex), and that if anything I've said is true then I raped him. He said if he was so drunk that he wasn't unconscious but was doing it, then that was still rape. And he said the only other alternative is that I'm making this up, in which case he still has no respect for me.
Basically, he has told me that we are no longer friends and that I shouldn't ever talk to him again. I've talked to my bff and she thinks he just regrets sleeping with me because he will be known as having unprotected sex with a gay guy, which may put girls off him (he has a big reputation as a bit of a player) since us gays aren't exactly known for being clean and STD-free.
To make matters worse, it turns out that he has got back together with his ex, so I've had her yelling at me the whole afternoon for sleeping with her boyfriend (because obviously he can't take the blame for cheating, right). She was a good friend but I fear I've lost her too.
Essentially I've really screwed up my friendship with my best friend and he says he believes I am either a liar or a rapist, and I have no idea what to do. Any advice is welcome
I genuinely don't understand why you told all your girlfriends that you slept with him. I mean, why would you do that? If he's saying he's straight and slept with you, then clearly he's insecure or not sure or experimenting or something. What did you expect would happen after you telling everyone and their grandmas that you had sex with your best friend who is straight and a total player?
What he's saying isn't right (assuming he did initiate etc), but at the same time, his reaction is to be expected after you told everyone what he got up to. I don't think it's your girlfriends' business what your friend got up to behind closed doors. It concerns both of you so you should have thought about him and consulted him or something instead of talking about things behind his back and not confronting him.
Original post by tim_123
Unless his friend isnt straight...
It sounds much more like his friend is insecure about having homosexual feelings. Having a "player" reputation could support this idea in the sense of him trying to convince himself he isnt gay.
You sir, are a narrow minded fool
It sounds much more like his friend is insecure about having homosexual feelings. Having a "player" reputation could support this idea in the sense of him trying to convince himself he isnt gay.
You sir, are a narrow minded fool
Original post by Chief Wiggum
The OP's friend was the one who initiated it... If you get drunk and do something you regret, it's your own fault. People are responsible for their own behaviour: if the OP's friend didn't want to have sex with another man, then he shouldn't have got drunk and initiated sex with another man.
(This is assuming that the OP's account is accurate.)
(This is assuming that the OP's account is accurate.)
Original post by DiddyDec
He isn't a rapist.
You are quick to assume OP is the victim here. Yeh believe everything OP says because he has done nothing wrong has he
Original post by The Right
You are quick to assume OP is the victim here. Yeh believe everything OP says because he has done nothing wrong has he
And your just as quick to assume hes a rapist.....
I wasnt suggesting either, my opinion is that his friend is massively embarrassed
Original post by tim_123
And your just as quick to assume hes a rapist.....
I wasnt suggesting either, my opinion is that his friend is massively embarrassed
I wasnt suggesting either, my opinion is that his friend is massively embarrassed
I was intent on looking into OP more and his general character. Look at his post history and you will see he is not so much a victim after all. Look into him and you will see what he is really about
(edited 9 years ago)
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