Would you rather be wanted or needed in a relationship?

My friend was telling me about her boyfriend the other day. They were just having a conversation and talking about their relationship and he said something along the lines of "I don't just want you, I need you". I'm not sure I'd like to be needed, it would make me feel like a mother or something and the reason they are with you is selfish, because they think they can't survive without you and need to depend on you, not because they want to be with you.

Would you rather be wanted or needed or both?

Reply 1

User1333171

12

Original post by Moura

My friend was telling me about her boyfriend the other day. They were just having a conversation and talking about their relationship and he said something along the lines of "I don't just want you, I need you". I'm not sure I'd like to be needed, it would make me feel like a mother or something and the reason they are with you is selfish, because they think they can't survive without you and need to depend on you, not because they want to be with you.

Would you rather be wanted or needed or both?

I'd rather be wanted. I wouldn't like a relationship where I felt as though if I left my partner they'd be a danger to me/themselves.

Wanted

Wanted obviously. I'd also want a partner that didn't "need" me, as that's a trait of being dependant and usually "clngy".

Reply 4

Rum Ham

20

Both. I would like them to need me in a healthy amount say like they need me for their ultimate happiness but if worst comes to worst and they couldn't have me, they would still be able to function and in time move on if that makes sense?

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Reply 5

muslimboi

Wanted. Needed is too clingy

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Reply 6

Kaiju

16

needed because i hunger for power and control

lol jk
easy answer, wanted.
it means more if the other person 100% knows they'd be fine without you but wants you around anyway.

Reply 7

Emily.97

21

Original post by Moura

My friend was telling me about her boyfriend the other day. They were just having a conversation and talking about their relationship and he said something along the lines of "I don't just want you, I need you". I'm not sure I'd like to be needed, it would make me feel like a mother or something and the reason they are with you is selfish, because they think they can't survive without you and need to depend on you, not because they want to be with you.

Would you rather be wanted or needed or both?

Want. Need just seems unhealthy.

Reply 8

Kaiju

16

if a girl told me they needed me i'd probably outright call them helpless

i'm looking for a mutually beneficial relationship, not to babysit someone

Reply 9

CatnipGlows

20

Original post by Moura

My friend was telling me about her boyfriend the other day. They were just having a conversation and talking about their relationship and he said something along the lines of "I don't just want you, I need you". I'm not sure I'd like to be needed, it would make me feel like a mother or something and the reason they are with you is selfish, because they think they can't survive without you and need to depend on you, not because they want to be with you.

Would you rather be wanted or needed or both?

I hate the 'I need you thing'.. I want a mature adult relationship, and to quote the person above me, I'm not looking to babysit someone. What's so difficult with people having a life on their own these days? D: If you're wanted however, that's a totally different ball game.

The person is saying 'I choose to be with you because I love who you are and want to spend my time with you.'

With the 'I need you', it's 'I don't care about who you are really or anything, but I need you because without you I'm nothing.' Which seems a bit pathetic really..

Reply 10

Musie Suzie

14

Wanted. It puts pressure on you to be needed, as romantic as it sounds if you're not in that position.

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Reply 11

PrittyVacant

14

I always say things to my partner such as 'what would I do without you' - I guess that could be construed as 'need'.

Do I want him? Hell yes. Do I need him? Quite simply, yes.

How is that unhealthy? I am aware I could quite easily function without, I know I could lead a fulfilling life without him - I just don't want to. I want him and I need him, specifically.

There is an 'unhealthy' kind of need, but it's still fine to express a need for your significant other without being indicative of bad health in your relationship.

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Reply 12

Emily.97

21

Original post by PrittyVacant

I always say things to my partner such as 'what would I do without you' - I guess that could be construed as 'need'.

Do I want him? Hell yes. Do I need him? Quite simply, yes.

How is that unhealthy? I am aware I could quite easily function without, I know I could lead a fulfilling life without him - I just don't want to. I want him and I need him, specifically.

There is an 'unhealthy' kind of need, but it's still fine to express a need for your significant other without being indicative of bad health in your relationship.

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Hmm.. Good point.

Reply 13

Eva.Gregoria

21

I like my space so I wouldn't want to be needed. But then I would like to be needed more than I need them.

Reply 14

Andy98

20

Original post by PrittyVacant

I always say things to my partner such as 'what would I do without you' - I guess that could be construed as 'need'.

Do I want him? Hell yes. Do I need him? Quite simply, yes.

How is that unhealthy? I am aware I could quite easily function without, I know I could lead a fulfilling life without him - I just don't want to. I want him and I need him, specifically.

There is an 'unhealthy' kind of need, but it's still fine to express a need for your significant other without being indicative of bad health in your relationship.

Posted from TSR Mobile

This. But from a guy talking about his girlfriend

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Reply 15

thevegman

8

I feel need is better than want, for both to not just want but need each other, their hearts depending on each other. Otherwise, it is like going to bed with socks on! Wanting but not needing is like holding something back emotionally out of fear of being vulnerable, which prevents total intimacy happening. The downside is that if you grow to need someone and then either of you has to call it off, then it is going to hurt for both of you. But if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen!

The baby needs the mother for food and protection. Hopefully an adult is not going to need their partner like that, but still their hearts grow to depend on each other. I've had experience of needing different partner in different ways, physically, emotionally, or for the way she opens up social opportunities or perhaps I need her house, car, whatever. A couple of times, I've fallen apart a bit when relationships broke up and other times had my life opportunities grind to a halt as I had to see out new social circles. Thankfully, in the longer term, I've healed and life has gone on. But in the short term, each break-up felt as if my water supply had been cut off, something I needed was not available.

Having said that, there is neediness, which is something else again and not healthy or attractive. A feeling of wet cement pulling you down, unrealistic expectations and demands being piled on one partner by another.

One thing I feel about threads like this sometimes disagreements are semantic rather than actually disagreeing. Like using the same word in different ways...

(edited 9 years ago)

Would you rather be wanted or needed in a relationship?

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