PGCE and a reluctant boyfriend, what do I do? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
I want to move in with my boyfriend of 5 years, he has always said no and given his reason (some very genuine that I understood, some very vague and almost insulting). He insisted I wait until he was ready, so I did. I decided I wanted to move out anyway a year later, discussed this with him, for him to tell me to wait until the year was out and we could move together, plus it gave us more time to save. After some reluctance I agreed it was probably better that way, but I was still left feeling put out.
- At this point he is living in a student flat 2 hours away from where I live and we were both in University -
On leaving university, he says he wants to travel and can't do that if he's paying rent. Then it was student overdraft. Then he just didn't know. Then I was told to back off.
I realised I was in the wrong for forcing him into a decision that he didn't want to make (still feeling frustrated that most couples don't wait this long over said decisions) we both agreed I should look to do something else, to occupy my mind and get me off his back (I even admit I let myself get too over the top).
I decided to apply to return to university to complete a PGCE. He is now earning a decent wage and we discussed living together and even started planning, patience has paid off. Unfortunately/fortunately I was accepted onto the PGCE course, only it involved me moving to north wales (we are both from south wales) it's a 4 hour drive at least. I did not expect him to follow me as he is working a job he loves and I wouldn't dream of taking him away from it. I said it would be a fast flying year and when I got back we would live together. He agreed.
Enter childhood friend moving back home to study his PGCE and looking for a flat mate. I told him I wasn't comfortable with him moving out and getting his first place without me, but if he could wait I would try and get a placement closer to home so we could live together this time next year. He has since laid it on thick (I probably deserve that) but won't budge and is adamant to move out without me. He actually got upset, which is very out of character because of how unhappy he is at home at the moment and couldn't face another year in that house (funny, I remember saying the same thing two years in a row), I gave in where he wouldn't. I can't face seeing someone I love unhappy, told him as long as it made him happy then fine. Only he doesn't seem to understand why I still feel hurt. If I'm honest not sure I know why I still feel hurt. I just knew it was an important step I was promised for a long time, only to be replaced by someone else.
I am at a loss, I don't understand why I was expected to wait despite tears and why he wasn't. It's left me with serious doubts. Not so much about him (I have no doubt he loves me), but about where our relationship is heading, I keep telling myself it will all happen when it happens, only it seems to happen for him whenever he wants it to and I'm left waiting in the wings. I feel he isn't ready to grow up but he's the one holding all the cards and I'm forced into a compromise I am not happy about.
I don't know what to do, I'm facing a stressful year and I at least hoped he would be waiting for me (for a change) I realise that sounds selfish, but at least I can be honest about my failings. I'm not ready to see him move out without me, but I won't make him unhappy like I was.
Any advice?
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claireestelle
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#2
Report 4 years ago
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It seems like he isnt willing to compromise for you whatsoever, a relationship is supposed to be joint decisions not doing what one person wants all the time. He asked you to wait to move out and wouldnt do the same for you, doesnt sound very equal to me.

I think you should tell him honestly how you feel and how you are unhappy that decisions appear to be made on his say and never yours
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