No friends at uni, in my 4th year

I'll keep this short

so, i started uni in 2012 and ended in 2015, made no friends in that time, I failed my third year so I'm repeating it. I'm typically a very very shy and quiet guy, my family call me the quiet one, so I've stuck with this tag, my new class has a lot more people, and cos I'm a shy freak, I feel like an outcast, most of the students are girls, many of which are attractive, they say hi to me, but i just stutter and mumble 'uh uh hi', I just cant seem to start a convo or keep one going, I sit alone most of the time because I don't want to interfere and kill the mood. i have friends outside of uni, but these friends are people I have known since i was a kid, im totally comfortable around them, but at uni, I feel like outsider looking in, feel like a social reject, i mean who would want to sit next to me. There is this one girl, extremely pretty, who spoke with me on my first day, but i just couldnt look at her in the eyes even for a second.

Any advice?

Reply 1

the-quiet-one

OP

anyone with any advice?

Reply 2

trapking

20

Confidence is your problem. You need to work on putting yourself out there, just be more friendly make the effort to greet people before going in for lectures. Just be your usual self (but practise being more open to people sharing your experiences) it doesnt matter if you stutter or mumble just simply re-adjust yourself if you do :smile:

It wont happen overnight its something that will come with time the more you do it :smile:

Reply 3

the-quiet-one

OP

Original post by trapking

Confidence is your problem. You need to work on putting yourself out there, just be more friendly make the effort to greet people before going in for lectures. Just be your usual self (but practise being more open to people sharing your experiences) it doesnt matter if you stutter or mumble just simply re-adjust yourself if you do :smile:

It wont happen overnight its something that will come with time the more you do it :smile:

thanks for replying trapking, i just cant seem to talk to anyone, group work is the worst, i want to say something, but think to myself 'don't its stupid', last week everyone went to the pub, one the girls said 'you should come with us' but i declined because i thought i'd be tagging along, i think its even affecting my relationship with my tutors too.

Reply 4

Premium VitaFit

Original post by the-quiet-one

thanks for replying trapking, i just cant seem to talk to anyone, group work is the worst, i want to say something, but think to myself 'don't its stupid', last week everyone went to the pub, one the girls said 'you should come with us' but i declined because i thought i'd be tagging along, i think its even affecting my relationship with my tutors too.

you suffer the ailment that a lot of british guys do - needing to drink to be free of your inhibitions. Go to the pub have a few pints and the words will be flowing off your tongue.

Reply 5

the-quiet-one

OP

Original post by Premium VitaFit

you suffer the ailment that a lot of british guys do - needing to drink to be free of your inhibitions. Go to the pub have a few pints and the words will be flowing off your tongue.

i dont really drink much, due to the fact, that i cant handle it 😐

Reply 6

Trevormacdonald

3

O.k I have this problem too, you over think everything.
Luckily for you you've been given a second chance to make friends, so i'm gonna give you some advice that has started to work for me. Ignore the advice from people who say just go up to people and start talking, you cant do that yet, it will be awkward af, trust me i know.
1. When you have those awkward moments dont dwell on them, so what if you stumbled,the girl is not gonna remember that in about 30 secs time.
2. When you are working in a group just say it dont over think about it. Infact dont over think anything try to slow down and relax if you are nervous.
3. If some one invites you some where and says u should go they will stop asking pretty quickly otherwise, if they didnt want you to come they wouldnt ask you. You dont have to drink, make sure you talk again dont over think
4. Sit next to people in lectures that you do group work with, ask if they want to go lunch with you, man if they are aaking u to go pub with them then you' ve almost made friends.
Once you sit with them at lunch and lectures the rest is easy, maybe invite them outside of uni, and dont be intimidated by pretty girls the poo,eat ,sweat like everyone else.

(edited 8 years ago)

r/nofap

dumb move on not accepting the invite to go pub - cannot think of it as a tag along... personally never been asked by a girl out of the blue to go to pub to hang... So at least someone is noticing you.

Next time you see that person, tell them you were busy or something and say you are open to go whenever they are going to do that again or something... got yourself a friend right there to begin mate :smile:

Us shy people need to grow out of the shell because I know far too well that when we talk, we essentially explode out of the shell more so than generally outgoing individuals as we have kept so much bundled in our heads.

Reply 9

German123

21

I know how you feel.

You just have to come out of your shell and make people want to be your friends e.g be more outspoken, try and start a conversation, its actually not as hard as you think.

Reply 10

karchun

2

Original post by German123

I know how you feel.

You just have to come out of your shell and make people want to be your friends e.g be more outspoken, try and start a conversation, its actually not as hard as you think.