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Jokes

What did the constipated mathematician do?

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There are two cats on a roof. Which one will fall off first?

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Einstein, Pascal and Newton were playing hide and seek. Einstein counted to ten while Pascal went off and hid. Newton, however, drew a medium sized square on the floor and stood in it. Einstein reached ten, turned around and saw Newton. 'I found you, Newton' he said. Newton replied:

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Argon walks into a bar. The barman says: 'get out! we don't serve noble gasses in here!'

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The barman says:

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These Christians and particle physicists were having an argument. The Christians said: 'why is the higgs boson nicknamed the god particle? it isn't god!'. The physicists replied:

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Wanna see a joke about Potassium?

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Wanna see a joke about Sodium hypobromite?

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I would tell more chemistry jokes but I don't think I'd get a reaction. Plus, all the good ones argon.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

Kyx

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity

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I have a new theory on inertia

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Why can't atheist solve exponential equations?

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Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar

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Do you know the name Pavlov?

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Reply 2

Hamoody

None for chemistry, but I got this from Facebook. Someone uploaded it xD
the-story-off-mr-bean-vs-einstein-what-animal-is-that.jpg

Reply 3

Kyx

It is reported that Copernicus' parents said the following to him at the age of twelve:

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I was up all night wondering where the Sun had gone;

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Reply 4

Kyx

Original post by Hamoody96

None for chemistry, but I got this from Facebook. Someone uploaded it xD
the-story-off-mr-bean-vs-einstein-what-animal-is-that.jpg

Reply 5

anosmianAcrimony

Original post by Kyx

What did the constipated mathematician do?

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There are two cats on a roof. Which one will fall off first?

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Argon walks into a bar. The barman says: 'get out! we don't serve noble gasses in here!'

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The barman says:

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These Christians and particle physicists were having an argument. The Christians said: 'why is the higgs boson nicknamed the god particle? it isn't god!'. The physicists replied:

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Wanna see a joke about Potassium?

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Wanna see a joke about Sodium Bromide?

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I would tell more chemistry jokes but I don't think I'd get a reaction. Plus, all the good ones argon.

Sodium bromide is NaBr, not NaBrO. That's sodium hypobromite.

Reply 6

Kyx

This is no joke but a call to *BAN* dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the "greenhouse effect", leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its "economic importance." The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act *NOW* to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don't know *CAN* hurt you and every individual throughout the world.

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Reply 7