I'm 25 and he is 37- would it be frowned upon?
Hey all,
I've met a guy and we both seem to really like each other, things are going pretty good right now (much to my surprise) and we just love each other's company. We met online and initially I never even had a second thought about his age, nor did it really bother me. He said it didn't bother him either. I don't know, maybe if it was the other way round, it might not be so frowned upon if it was the male who was younger, however I am just concerned if things do progress more that I will have to tell my family. I've never really had a proper relationship before so my mother doesn't expect these kind of things, so I am worried that after primarily getting over the shock of me being involved with someone, she might be shocked by the age difference given that she is quite conservative and old fashioned. I have been seeing this guy quite often, without my mum knowing, and it's getting to the stage where (especially if we progress further) I need to tell her, even if I say he is a friend for the time being. The problem is, I don't know if she will be more shocked by how old he is, or the fact that he is Polish (she can selectively be xenophobic, on one hand she says how she was randomly talking to two Polish girls in town and they were very nice, to making sweeping generalisations about a few cases she reads about in the newspapers).
With there being a 12 year age difference, how would your parents react? My mother isn't strict, and she is pretty laid back - I believe that at the end of the day she will say the old 'as long as you're happy' kind of thing, but I'm still really wary given this age difference.
Thanks.
I've met a guy and we both seem to really like each other, things are going pretty good right now (much to my surprise) and we just love each other's company. We met online and initially I never even had a second thought about his age, nor did it really bother me. He said it didn't bother him either. I don't know, maybe if it was the other way round, it might not be so frowned upon if it was the male who was younger, however I am just concerned if things do progress more that I will have to tell my family. I've never really had a proper relationship before so my mother doesn't expect these kind of things, so I am worried that after primarily getting over the shock of me being involved with someone, she might be shocked by the age difference given that she is quite conservative and old fashioned. I have been seeing this guy quite often, without my mum knowing, and it's getting to the stage where (especially if we progress further) I need to tell her, even if I say he is a friend for the time being. The problem is, I don't know if she will be more shocked by how old he is, or the fact that he is Polish (she can selectively be xenophobic, on one hand she says how she was randomly talking to two Polish girls in town and they were very nice, to making sweeping generalisations about a few cases she reads about in the newspapers).
With there being a 12 year age difference, how would your parents react? My mother isn't strict, and she is pretty laid back - I believe that at the end of the day she will say the old 'as long as you're happy' kind of thing, but I'm still really wary given this age difference.
Thanks.
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I was briefly involved with a guy who was 31 when I was 20 and my folks didn't seem to mind. One of the few men my mother didn't get snarky about actually haha.
Once you hit your mid-twenties, age gap issues tend to get smaller and smaller, I don't think your age gap is too extreme at all. Unless your mother had you super young, and he's only a couple of years younger, in which case she might find a bit weird.
I'm in a similar-ish position. I'm 23 and I've met someone in their late 30s through work, the age gap doesn't bother me nor my workmates. If you're both happy, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. If someone can't just accept your relationship, it's their problem not yours. We need a lot more love in the world.
Original post by Ishax
The age gap isn't that bad, but my preference is only few years max but that's up to you. The only thing that would bother me is if he's been married before and doesn't have kids then I'd perhaps be more open to it.
The guy I'm seeing is divorced and has a daughter, but each to their own! I've known him for almost 2 years though and he doesn't look or act his age.
I think she will be concerned she might regard you as being a bit naive or inexperienced. 12 year age gape puts him in a different bracket in maturity and life stage terms. That's a risk tiy sgiykd be aware of, he might be fine, he might use his greater experience for the benefit of both or he might use it against you and you would be too inexperienced to notice. If you get on great just go for that, but trust yiur instincts and dont believe everything someone tells you.
There isn't an issue with it per se, but the problem comes in shared memories - not important at the very beginning of a relationship, but they start to show later. If you are 25 and he is 37, then when he was 16 and going out being a typical teenager you were 4... I'm not trying to put you off or anything, but it is a valid consideration for the long term.
Original post by bones-mccoy
The guy I'm seeing is divorced and has a daughter, but each to their own! I've known him for almost 2 years though and he doesn't look or act his age.
That's your choice to make
personally I wouldn't be with someone who's been married before or had children lol!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=half-your-age-plus-seven
37/2 + 7 = 25.5.
You're good!
37/2 + 7 = 25.5.
You're good!
Original post by chazwomaq
That calculation is such a load of crap hahaha
It's not that big of an age gap, I think your mum would be a bit weirded out if he was 50+.
Original post by bones-mccoy
That calculation is such a load of crap hahaha
Original post by bones-mccoy
I'm in a similar-ish position. I'm 23 and I've met someone in their late 30s through work
38/2 + 7 = 26.
The age gap police will be knocking at your door...
Original post by Reality Check
There isn't an issue with it per se, but the problem comes in shared memories - not important at the very beginning of a relationship, but they start to show later. If you are 25 and he is 37, then when he was 16 and going out being a typical teenager you were 4... I'm not trying to put you off or anything, but it is a valid consideration for the long term.
I second this. I know quite a few women who have dated older men and have regretted wasting time. The most common issue I've heard is having a conflict of interests. Most of the time the man gets to the stage where he's done it all and all he wants to do is stay indoors. My cousin is currently in this situation right now, she has spoken to her partner and he had no urge to go out anywhere. Anyway just giving you some food for thought. All the best op!
Original post by phunky_fresh
I second this. I know quite a few women who have dated older men and have regretted wasting time. The most common issue I've heard is having a conflict of interests. Most of the time the man gets to the stage where he's done it all and all he wants to do is stay indoors. My cousin is currently in this situation right now, she has spoken to her partner and he had no urge to go out anywhere. Anyway just giving you some food for thought. All the best op!
Dating 70 year old pensioners?
Original post by TSR Mustafa
Dating 70 year old pensioners?
Not me lmao but I know women that have dated men that are 12-25 years older than them.
Original post by Viva Emptiness
Once you hit your mid-twenties, age gap issues tend to get smaller and smaller, I don't think your age gap is too extreme at all. Unless your mother had you super young, and he's only a couple of years younger, in which case she might find a bit weird.
exactly
age - gaps is only a significant issue at school / college age - not helped by Paedo panic of course
Original post by bones-mccoy
That calculation is such a load of crap hahaha
it;s completely made up , with no basis in anything other than people wanting to impose some sort of weird 'rule' to justify their made up slurs towards people
traditionally it was boys who used to push the rule as reason why girls/ young women shouldn't be dating men ....
but now it's more paedogeddon / paedo panic based - even though the slightly dodgy age / legality wise relationships that paedo panic strikes are nothign to do with paedophilia as defined clinically or in the law.
(edited 7 years ago)
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