Finding it hard to get a girlfriend

I have never been blessed with good looks but a lot of people tell me how friendly I am and how I am a nice guy. I realise that I don't think it's my looks that's the issue but the fact that I am a very boring person to talk to.

I must have some disability because I can never string sentences properly to continue a conversation with people. When I try to talk to people, I run out of things to say and it gets awkward very easily and they get bored. This is the reason I can't get a girlfriend because my conversation skills are very bad. I bore a lot of people and it makes me upset because I don't know what to do about it.

Is this some sort of mental problem? Need advice please.

Reply 1

coldhell

10

Original post by Anonymous

I have never been blessed with good looks but a lot of people tell me how friendly I am and how I am a nice guy. I realise that I don't think it's my looks that's the issue but the fact that I am a very boring person to talk to.

I must have some disability because I can never string sentences properly to continue a conversation with people. When I try to talk to people, I run out of things to say and it gets awkward very easily and they get bored. This is the reason I can't get a girlfriend because my conversation skills are very bad. I bore a lot of people and it makes me upset because I don't know what to do about it.

Is this some sort of mental problem? Need advice please.

Conversational skills are exactly like you said "skills". Like any skill, it's something that can be improved! In other words, the more you try and have conversation with people, the better you get!

Basically, what you need to be doing is constantly be around people and attend events! I understand it would be really challenging and difficult at first! Believe me after doing it so many times, you will feel much more confident and not as nervous around people! But this doesn't happen overnight! Also, after each interaction you make, reflect what you did well and what can be improved so next time you'll know what to do! Practice makes perfect!! And after so many conversations, you'll begin to notice social cues as well and what topics to stay away from!! And you'll naturally know what to say next!

One of the most important things here is to constantly challenge yourself! So if you're not able to say hi and approach people, make it a goal to say hi to at least 5 people a day or make a conversation with one or two.

When it comes to keeping the conversation going, you'll need to listen!! For example, if someone says "I'm so excited! I'm going to see this band next month" you can then ask open ended questions such as "Cool! What band? Where are you gonna watch them?"

They'll answer and then you can talk about that band (if you know the band) or the venue itself! or If you've ever seen them live and what you thought of it! And then you can ask her questions again or go on another topic!!

Remember conversation is two way!! You have to contribute to the conversation as well and not bombard them with questions!! You have to talk about yourself from time to time but do not make it ALL about yourself!
Steps could be:
You ask question; they answer; you tell something about yourself that relates to their answer or make a comment about their answer; or you can ask them a question; after that you can talk about other topic. Rinse and repeat!

Just keep practising and be around people often your conversational skills will improve over time! :biggrin:

Reply 2

Trinculo

21

Original post by Anonymous

I have never been blessed with good looks but a lot of people tell me how friendly I am and how I am a nice guy. I realise that I don't think it's my looks that's the issue but the fact that I am a very boring person to talk to.

I must have some disability because I can never string sentences properly to continue a conversation with people. When I try to talk to people, I run out of things to say and it gets awkward very easily and they get bored. This is the reason I can't get a girlfriend because my conversation skills are very bad. I bore a lot of people and it makes me upset because I don't know what to do about it.

Is this some sort of mental problem? Need advice please.

But are you objectively a boring person? No point having superb interpersonal skills if all you are going to be able to talk about is fishing or Star Trek.

Don't be fooled by TSR, the women you "see" here that claim to be into nerd-dom aren't actually available to you in the sense of being able to meet them to talk about fishing or Star Trek. You have to know what constituency you are going to try and get into, and be able to talk to them to get anywhere.

The vast majority of university girls are just as vapid and superficial as anyone else, and into whatever popular rubbish is going on - Kardashians, french bulldogs etc etc. Being edgy and alternative is much harder, and only appeals to a much narrower group.

Don't forget, you need to know a bit, but not too much. Know too much, and you'll get friendzoned to the endzone in a second. My advice would be to hold controversial opinions like conspiracy theories on popular rubbish - but also hold the opinion that it's rubbish. I don't like the Kardashians, but I subscribe to the theory that Khloe is OJ Simpson's daughter.

Learn about the mechanics of how instagram and snapchat are monetised, and all the crap that women like. If you're not that good-looking, stay away from anything immediately overtly sexual in nature, because you *will* come off looking "creepy" - so don't go off and become an aficionado on Mooncups or anything.

Then, like anything train yourself into it properly. It's like a computer game. If you play a new game and the first opponent you fight is like a god or some thing, then you'll get beaten to a pulp and have no chance at all.

Start off with an ugly girl or a tubby, and you absolutely cannot be scared of rejection. That's like an axiom. Don't think of it as "I crashed and burned with a tubby", but rather "I gained some experience". You probably will get rejected for no good reason at all. That's just how women think. Tubbies and ugs probably moan all the time about not having boyfriends, but when someone comes up to them, they blow them away for no reason, to make themselves feel better that they could blow someone away - then go home and eat a whole Haagen Dazs and cry about being lonely.

Finding it hard to get a girlfriend

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you