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Guy I've been talking to for months revealed he has a girlfriend

Please help desperate for advice

I've been talking to the guy I've had a crush on forever since December, he messaged me first and we've been talking paragraphs everyday ever since and a big point first was that his ex moved out

Recently he's finally been inviting me to do stuff. He's very busy. We went to our local bar last week where all our mutuals are. Next day we went to a concert and I slept at his house but in the guest room which confused me. Nothing has happened ever yet sexually we didn't even kiss. Yesterday we went to that bar again, he always tells me how pretty I look. I went home with him and we walked into his bedroom. I asked if I should sleep here and he said if you want to

So we laid down, then he asked if he can talk about something with me. He told me he has a girlfriend who he's had for a while when he was going through seperating with his ex but she lives far away. He said to me if he didn't have her he would have talked to me way earlier, he'd be more "flirty" with me and he would do more and that last week he already wanted me in his bed already. He told me he'd been chasing after women all his life? And that he doesn't want to cheat on her, but he said stuff that indicated it's hard. But I know he likes me for a fact. It's really obvious and I was confused as to why he hasn't made a move so far and now I know and I'm shocked

We just talked in bed. Then he just laid there and looked into my eyes really intensely for a while smiling not saying anything but I couldn't hold eye contact because basically I was holding back tears haha

During the night we didn't cuddle or anything but we laid really close together basically, and sometimes I'd wake up and his hand would be on me but he would take it off whenever I moved a little

I'm so devastated like how could this go from here? I want him so bad. And we're so compatible I've never felt like this for anyone
Reply 1
Clearly your friend is weighing up the options - you/her you/her you/her or anyone else he might be seeing

How long you wait for this twerp to make his mind up is anyone's guess. Yes we are all very busy!!! If he is the 'injured party' and she is ditching him and a relationship is in no mans land then it can take time to come to terms with the pain of rejection. But while ever he languishes in 'I don't really know' 'Look at me' mode is anyone's guess. He has been truthful (or partly truthful) with you but how long he keeps this charade going is anyone's guess. But in the mean time he has you right where he wants you. This is a power trip, he has you in his bed.

What is he doing? Preserving you for a rainy day? You are being used by this man. He is basically saying - I'd like to hold on to you just in case she doesn't ask me back. I don't want to get too involved with you because it could get messy. I don't want to have to confess I slept with anyone else because she might ditch me if I did?

Make his mind up for him. His is a character trait that has flaws. I would walk away and find a man who adores you and treats you like a million dollars. Not like a second hand jumper that if he has no other item of clothing - well he can always wear it.

While ever he messes you around he is calling all the shots and using you for his benefit. I would get rid of this half wit and find a better man. Then you are not left second guessing all the time. If he does this once, he will do it again.
Reply 2
This is gonna sound real odd but dude just exposed to you what being in a relationship with him would be like. Imagine if you were his girlfriend that lives far away, in fact you might become that girlfriend. You may think you're compatible now and it all seems perfect but he's still the kinda guy to do this with another girl... It's gonna happen again... but to you... This is just from my perspective, unless his girlfriend is treating him horribly then I honestly feel really bad about her not knowing this is going on, the least he could do is respect her and tell her about it.. Not you, I get it's nice to feel he's trusting you over his girlfriend but like I said.. That's the kind of person he is.. It's more likely you'll just swap places with that girl till he feels like doing whatever he likes. I hope that makes sense.
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Froggers
This is gonna sound real odd but dude just exposed to you what being in a relationship with him would be like. Imagine if you were his girlfriend that lives far away, in fact you might become that girlfriend. You may think you're compatible now and it all seems perfect but he's still the kinda guy to do this with another girl... It's gonna happen again... but to you... This is just from my perspective, unless his girlfriend is treating him horribly then I honestly feel really bad about her not knowing this is going on, the least he could do is respect her and tell her about it.. Not you, I get it's nice to feel he's trusting you over his girlfriend but like I said.. That's the kind of person he is.. It's more likely you'll just swap places with that girl till he feels like doing whatever he likes. I hope that makes sense.
It does make sense and that's my fear too. Still, I may be delusional but he in fact did tell me most of the women he's been with have treated him horrible and I believe him. In my mind I'm of course hoping they'll break up which is horrible of me but maybe she can't be as great as well if he's at least somewhat willing to cheat on her
He's told me some very personal things especially when he was drunk. I have a helping complex anyway so that may play into my way of thinking as well, but I just wish it would all end how I'd like to imagine it haha
A red flag to you and playing his girlfriend you risk getting with him you already know the signs and consequences and what it can lead to even cheating perhaps 🤔

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