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Partner out of work and contributes little to the household Watch

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    in all seriousness, a month is not that long to be out of work. I think you should be straight with her and tell her she needs to get her head out of the sand. Having depression might mean you can't go to work or be sociable but it does NOT mean you can't do your washing. Maybe you are being too soft on her- as in, yes she is taking you for a ride but you are letting her do so.

    You need to be forceful with women. Tell her to snap out of it and that you won't put up with her laziness. Tell her you empathise with her but she still needs to do her part in order for your relationship to continue.
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    I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable at all, she's stuck in the house all week while you're out working 5 days a week (presumably, that's at least 40 hours). If anything, it's unreasonable of her to give you grief for not doing stuff around the house, you've got a job and you're bringing money in, she has untold amounts of free time on her hands in which household tasks can be done and isn't bringing in any money at all.

    Talk to her about it, if she doesn't change her ways after that then frankly, I can only recommend that you break it off. Though in all honesty, I'd probably be inclined to say break it off now if you don't want to be carrying that weight. Sounds like she can't hold down a job, and this will only make job hunting in the future harder for her, which means that you'll be forced to provide for both yourself, and her (and any extra potential beings).
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    (Original post by Ciel.)
    Guys, she's only been out of work for a month and a half! He's acting as if it's been YEARS.
    she's done this repeatedly in the past and dropped out of work havign accrued thousands and thousands of debts
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Mental illness is not a get out of jail free card for all situations. Treat people like crap, blame depression. Contribute nothing to the house, blame depression. Money isn't everything, but it becomes everything if you don't have enough of it.

    The OP is depressed as well. If his girlfriend doesn't want to be helped, then there's nothing he can do. He doesn't deserve to be treated like a doormat.

    I have had depression and social anxiety. It has made me treat people in less than stellar ways and I feel bad about that. My behaviour wasn't as consistent and intense as the OP's girlfriend though. Nobody should use another person as an emotional punching bag.

    OP, talk honestly and openly to your girlfriend. If she won't listen, then it may be time to end the relationship and move in with your parents until you can sort out a new place. Life is too short to be used and abused.
    100% agree with this. I have also suffered from depression and social anxiety so understand how hard it is to motivate/have the energy to do anything but moaning at OP for not cooking and cleaning is completely out of order.
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    (Original post by Treeroy)
    in all seriousness, a month is not that long to be out of work. I think you should be straight with her and tell her she needs to get her head out of the sand. Having depression might mean you can't go to work or be sociable but it does NOT mean you can't do your washing. Maybe you are being too soft on her- as in, yes she is taking you for a ride but you are letting her do so.

    You need to be forceful with women. Tell her to snap out of it and that you won't put up with her laziness. Tell her you empathise with her but she still needs to do her part in order for your relationship to continue.
    Sometimes it can.

    I'm also at a loss as to how her being a women makes a difference? Telling someone with depression to "snap out of it" isn't going to do anyone any favours either.
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    (Original post by Treeroy)
    Give her an ultimatum, she doesn't do the chores and she won't get laid she will change her mind about her (((depression)))
    ....what


    (Original post by doodle_333)
    Yeah I mean she's clearly not being a supportive or equal partner here. I'm not in a position to contribute as much financially as my partner right now (as I moved for his career and only work part time mostly) but I try and counter that by making sure there's always food in when he gets home, making him a drink or sandwich, keeping the flat clean and washing done etc. It seems ridiculous to me that he would be out at work every day while I'm sat around the house and he comes home and still had to cook and clean. If I have a heavy week at work then he has to pull a bit more weight but while I'm at home I try and keep on top of stuff.

    Likewise having money trouble is one thing but if you're having an issue which will affect your partner .e.g significant debts then you HAVE to share that. It really isn't fair that you are in the position you are with stuff so hard financially just because your partner lied to you (I'm assuming you could have paid the stuff she couldn't if you knew at the time).

    The last thing is her attitude to her illness. It is hard struggling with depression, you're struggling, I've been there too. I know it can feel impossible to go to work but I'm sure it often feels impossible to you too but you get up and go because otherwise you'll both be homeless and starving. She didn't do that and has repeatedly dropped out of jobs making herself less and less employable. It takes action to recover from depression. You have to work at it and work will never get easier unless you force yourself through the *****y times. Everyone hates their job at times and many people struggle to find something they enjoy and have to get on with it. So I can really understand why you're frustrated with her. I'm sure she genuinely feels she's doing her best but either way it's causing you huge amounts of stress and pressure and making your illness worse...

    I think it can't work with the two of you long term unless she dramatically changes her behaviour and outlook on life as a whole because you will just have the same problems over and over - it's just easier to ignore the money problems, spend what you want and quit when your job gets boring - if you don't give her a reason (i.e. you leaving) to change.
    I'm in this position too. My partner works full time on a salary whereas I'm only part time on minimum wage - I can't contribute as much financially (although I do pay for all food shopping/days out etc) so I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing on my days off. The thought of contributing nothing to the household whilst he works so hard makes me feel horrible.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Sometimes it can.

    I'm also at a loss as to how her being a women makes a difference? Telling someone with depression to "snap out of it" isn't going to do anyone any favours either.
    Well women need to be put in their place sometimes, otherwise they will see themselves having too much strength/power in the relationship and they will abuse it and manipulate the relationship and screw over the man.
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    (Original post by Treeroy)
    Well women need to be put in their place sometimes, otherwise they will see themselves having too much strength/power in the relationship and they will abuse it and manipulate the relationship and screw over the man.
    What century are you living in? A relationship should be about equality, any man who thinks they should have power or strength over a woman doesn't deserve to be in a loving relationship
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    What century are you living in? A relationship should be about equality, any man who thinks they should have power or strength over a woman doesn't deserve to be in a loving relationship
    well that's just from what I've seen in my friends relationships, if the guy gives in to the girl then he'll end up whipped and then the girl can do whatever they want. I've had plenty of mates end up getting abused by women and I believe if they'd been stricter and less forgiving with them then it wouldn't have gotten to that point.

    But yeah I believ ein traditional gender roles, they have served us well for many many ages and I see no reason to get rid of them. Men and women are different, and we are better at different things. Men should earn, women should look after the children. It is what we were built to do.

    I would not want to be "equal" to my partner, to be honest. she should not be as strong as me and she should not have power over me
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    I'm in this position too. My partner works full time on a salary whereas I'm only part time on minimum wage - I can't contribute as much financially (although I do pay for all food shopping/days out etc) so I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing on my days off. The thought of contributing nothing to the household whilst he works so hard makes me feel horrible.
    yeah, it's not easy being the 'poor' one in the relationship, we have to move apartments so everything we look at we have to discuss what I can pay and it sucks not to be able to pay for half...
 
 
 
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Updated: July 19, 2017
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