Mum doesn&#x27;t approve of my boyfriend

OP

I'm at the age where she's introducing me to the sons of her friends hoping to make a match between us. She talks to my aunts saying things like 'oh (my name)'s future husband will be a nice man living in England, who is highly educated etc..' basically what my boyfriend isn't and she just isn't taking us seriously and it really upsets me.

Reply 2

Your mother is not being selfish, shes just being... a mother. She is trying to take care of you. She does not want you to live your life miserable and sad because of a stupid decision you made.I suggest you do not run away or any sort of similar acts, it will emotionally corrupt her and eventually you will realise that running away wasn't a good idea. Unless of course you dont give a crap about her, in that case, do whatever you want.

In the sense of equivalence, statistically graduates who work in their profession tend to live a more luxurious life style which in most cases leads to a happy life style. Now, your BF doesn't have a degree so it is expected your mother would not approve, most mothers will not.

Reply 3

Piers Morgan

2

Original post by Anonymous

I'm at the age where she's introducing me to the sons of her friends hoping to make a match between us. She talks to my aunts saying things like 'oh (my name)'s future husband will be a nice man living in England, who is highly educated etc..' basically what my boyfriend isn't and she just isn't taking us seriously and it really upsets me.

You're asian aren't you.
That's the norm with asians. Obsessed with arranged marriage SHITE

Reply 4

Original post by Piers Morgan

You're asian aren't you.
That's the norm with asians. Obsessed with arranged marriage SHITE

Why does it matter lol.... and you almost make it sound like a bad thing. Arranged marriages tend to last much longer. And its different from forced marriage.

Reply 5

Original post by Waiser

Why does it matter lol.... and you almost make it sound like a bad thing. Arranged marriages tend to last much longer. And its different from forced marriage.

arranged marriages are usually done by asians and the reason why they're so successful is because asians look down upon divorces and so people are scared to get a divorce.

Reply 6

Piers Morgan

2

Original post by Waiser

Why does it matter lol.... and you almost make it sound like a bad thing. Arranged marriages tend to last much longer. And its different from forced marriage.

mate I never said anything bad.
Calm your boner it seems your just trying to cause a problem

Reply 7

Piers Morgan

2

Original post by bubblegumcat

arranged marriages are usually done by asians and the reason why they're so successful is because asians look down upon divorces and so people are scared to get a divorce.

There you go.
Thank you

Reply 8

what would your mum do if you do go live with him? i imagine she will refuse to talk to you or let you back in the house? if that's the case then i think you should have a plan on what to do if something goes wrong in your relationship and you have nowhere else to go. I don't think you're in the wrong because you shouldn't be with someone just because of their qualifications or how much they earn, you should be with them because you truly love them which is obvious that you do. Your mum is just holding onto some old-fashioned opinions and she needs to change her ways. Show her that she can't control you anymore, and it's selfish of her to not let you go just because she would miss you. If you want to move abroad then go ahead, but like i said have a backup plan if something goes wrong in the relationship. If it all turns out to be a mistake then that's something you can learn from and you just gotta take responsibility for it, we can try all we want to make good decisions but we'll likely make mistakes on the way and it's just important to learn from it, good luck :smile:

Reply 9

OP

Original post by Piers Morgan

You're asian aren't you.
That's the norm with asians. Obsessed with arranged marriage SHITE

Indeed. She said she's okay with me finding my own husband, provided he is highly educated and is either a doctor or a judge etc. So stereotypically Asian it's unreal.

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Waiser

Your mother is not being selfish, shes just being... a mother. She is trying to take care of you. She does not want you to live your life miserable and sad because of a stupid decision you made.I suggest you do not run away or any sort of similar acts, it will emotionally corrupt her and eventually you will realise that running away wasn't a good idea. Unless of course you dont give a crap about her, in that case, do whatever you want.

In the sense of equivalence, statistically graduates who work in their profession tend to live a more luxurious life style which in most cases leads to a happy life style. Now, your BF doesn't have a degree so it is expected your mother would not approve, most mothers will not.

no I would never dream of running away, I'm just trying to work out what to do next about us. I don't have a luxurious lifestyle as it is and I've grown up very happy (bar this issue), and I don't need my boyfriend to provide me with a luxurious lifestyle either. If I want all of that luxury, I'll go out and earn it myself instead of depending on him to provide me with it.

I mean he could still go to university (he's only only 22) and keeps saying he wants to next year, but he said that this year too then didn't. I've told him that my mother will never give us her blessing to get married if he doesn't go, and I think that sealed his decision to go. I felt guilty, he should be going to university because he feels he needs to for his own goals... and not to please my family.

Reply 11

Original post by Anonymous

no I would never dream of running away, I'm just trying to work out what to do next about us. I don't have a luxurious lifestyle as it is and I've grown up very happy (bar this issue), and I don't need my boyfriend to provide me with a luxurious lifestyle either. If I want all of that luxury, I'll go out and earn it myself instead of depending on him to provide me with it.

I mean he could still go to university (he's only only 22) and keeps saying he wants to next year, but he said that this year too then didn't. I've told him that my mother will never give us her blessing to get married if he doesn't go, and I think that sealed his decision to go. I felt guilty, he should be going to university because he feels he needs to for his own goals... and not to please my family.

Yeah i can see the issue here, I guess you got to introduce him to your family and speak with them, everything goes on with several hurdles if there isnt family support.

Also, about the luxurious lifestyle, i didnt mean you should depend on them, my guess is you want to spend a life time with this guy, two good income is better than one. Thats what i was referring to.

Reply 12

Original post by bubblegumcat

arranged marriages are usually done by asians and the reason why they're so successful is because asians look down upon divorces and so people are scared to get a divorce.

I guess thats a good thing.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Waiser

Yeah i can see the issue here, I guess you got to introduce him to your family and speak with them, everything goes on with several hurdles if there isnt family support.

Also, about the luxurious lifestyle, i didnt mean you should depend on them, my guess is you want to spend a life time with this guy, two good income is better than one. Thats what i was referring to.

ah yes I understand what you mean. Ironically, I had the same view as my mother before, as in I wanted someone who also had a degree, I wanted him to have a good, stable income, a house etc so I do understand her. However, if I had to choose between marrying a man who I'm not really attracted to, and have no spark with but he has a uni degree, or marrying a man who I love everything about and have amazing chemistry with.. but he doesn't have a degree, I'd choose the man I love each time.

I've been in a relationship in the past, where I was so incompatible with the guy, I wasn't even attracted to him, I was so miserable, I felt trapped until I finally left, then I found the guy I'm with now and he just happened to be everything I was looking for (minus the academia) and the thought of leaving him now, just scares me. In my head, it's like I have to accept my boyfriend for who he is, or leave him and break his heart, and pray that I'll be fortunate enough to find someone nearly identical to him one day.

Reply 14

Original post by Anonymous

ah yes I understand what you mean. Ironically, I had the same view as my mother before, as in I wanted someone who also had a degree, I wanted him to have a good, stable income, a house etc so I do understand her. However, if I had to choose between marrying a man who I'm not really attracted to, and have no spark with but he has a uni degree, or marrying a man who I love everything about and have amazing chemistry with.. but he doesn't have a degree, I'd choose the man I love each time.

I've been in a relationship in the past, where I was so incompatible with the guy, I wasn't even attracted to him, I was so miserable, I felt trapped until I finally left, then I found the guy I'm with now and he just happened to be everything I was looking for (minus the academia) and the thought of leaving him now, just scares me. In my head, it's like I have to accept my boyfriend for who he is, or leave him and break his heart, and pray that I'll be fortunate enough to find someone nearly identical to him one day.

I can see this is a mind boggling situation, but honestly, you have to choose who is more important, you mother or your boyfriend. I mean the question seems like a lot of pressure but I am certain there are many guys out there that would suit your standards and your mothers. But honestly, I know it seems like a hard situation but parents usually see what possible issues there are prior to the actual occurrence of the issue. Unless you are like 28+ and you really need a getaway, then I think making your mother happy would seem like a better option.

Reply 15

Original post by Waiser

I guess thats a good thing.

it's never a good thing to stay in a marriage despite all the horrible things a person is facing in it just because it's embarrassing to get a divorce, lol you're dumb as hell if you think arranged marriages last longer just because the couple are actually in love with each other

Reply 16

Original post by bubblegumcat

it's never a good thing to stay in a marriage despite all the horrible things a person is facing in it just because it's embarrassing to get a divorce, lol you're dumb as hell if you think arranged marriages last longer just because the couple are actually in love with each other

i am speaking facts, you are assuming arranged marriages only work coz of possible exclusion from people arround you.. all i am saying is, they last longer and tend to be more successful. no need to attack bro, chill😂😂

Reply 17

Original post by Waiser

i am speaking facts, you are assuming arranged marriages only work coz of possible exclusion from people arround you.. all i am saying is, they last longer and tend to be more successful. no need to attack bro, chill😂😂

and i was saying why they last longer, and you seem to think it's a good thing, sorry but looking at your posts it's obvious you're a typical close minded asian😂😂😂

Reply 18