The Student Room Group

Family and mental health

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(edited 1 month ago)
Reply 1
Original post by autonomous-armam
So I’m currently 21, not at university and left my part time job a few months ago due to it being a toxic workplace and for mental health reasons. I live with my parents and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is so supportive of me knowing I’m unemployed and trying to find out what I want to do in life. My mother on the other hand does not understand my mental health issues and is right now the main reasons why these issues are getting worse. I’ve never got on with her as she’s not a nice person and I feel like she’s ruining my life. Me and my boyfriend both hate living with her and it’s affecting our relationship. We have no other option than to live here for at least the next couple years and I don’t see how I can improve my life with the way she makes me feel. Any advice?

I have tried explaining to her but she never understands. Even my best friend has tried talking with her and nothing has changed. She gives me no privacy and still treats me like a 12 year old. She gets mad when I don’t share my location and walks in my room without knocking (bare in mind it’s also my boyfriends room).

I hear so many stories like this and don't really understand this term "mental health issue". If I were in the situation you describe, I would feel pretty down in the dumps and lack motivation and feel very out of control of my life and situation. I am not sure I would say it was a mental health issue. And then in terms of doing something about it, when I have been in these situations, it is about taking control and starting to make decisions that impact positively on my life.

So for you, you need to get a job. Lots of jobs out there. Any job will do. It will give you a reason to get up and give you purpose in your week. It will also give you an income which will allow you to contribute to the household which in turn will probably appease your mum who I imagine is fed up with supporting you financially. Finally, I would be looking to move out of your mums house which means working hard with your boyfriend to save for a deposit.

You mum doesn't make you feel bad. Her you choose to feel bad as a result of her behaviour. Our emotions belong to us and we can choose to use different emotions. This is why some laugh and some cry at the same trigger.

Good luck!
Original post by autonomous-armam
So I’m currently 21, not at university and left my part time job a few months ago due to it being a toxic workplace and for mental health reasons. I live with my parents and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is so supportive of me knowing I’m unemployed and trying to find out what I want to do in life. My mother on the other hand does not understand my mental health issues and is right now the main reasons why these issues are getting worse. I’ve never got on with her as she’s not a nice person and I feel like she’s ruining my life. Me and my boyfriend both hate living with her and it’s affecting our relationship. We have no other option than to live here for at least the next couple years and I don’t see how I can improve my life with the way she makes me feel. Any advice?

I have tried explaining to her but she never understands. Even my best friend has tried talking with her and nothing has changed. She gives me no privacy and still treats me like a 12 year old. She gets mad when I don’t share my location and walks in my room without knocking (bare in mind it’s also my boyfriends room).


Get a lock on the door. Maybe pay rent or something
Perhaps your mother is worried that you couldn't hold down a part time job, quit it before finding another, and that you are not moving towards independence.

When you and your boyfriend are both in full-time employment, you will be able to afford to move out. This will resolve the nagging and lack of privacy issues.

Why do you feel that you have to stay there for at least a couple of years? Your mum could turf you out tomorrow, you have no housing rights.

Are you getting support with your health? Support with your job searches? Are you on Universal Credit?

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