Dealing with a long distance relationship break up at university - soul mate lost

Hi everyone,

I'm asking for some advice and in fact mainly just people to chat to/feel better with. I don't really want the kind of advice like 'delete all his photos' etc. - I can't do that!
So I was in an LDR since I started uni 5 weeks ago (we started going out in May but we also dated last year). He broke up with me unexpectedly (for both of us) just a few days ago on Saturday when he came to stay with me for Friday and Saturday. We both loved each other very much and had an incredible night on Friday and morning on Saturday. He wasn't sure about breaking up, he didn't *want* to break up with me but felt he couldn't do the long distance any more because he is the year below and applying to universities (Cambridge as well) and doesn't feel like he can commit like I can and wants to focus on his education at the moment. I understand that. However I'm really really struggling with the break up as I loved him so very deeply. He told me about how he thought we should end it about 2 hours before his train back home on Saturday afternoon. An hour after he'd kind of introduced it he was making out with me again, telling me he loved me. I walked him to the train station and he was telling me I'm a kindred spirit and a soul mate for him and that he doesn't know if he can really be with anyone else but he can't commit right now. He said that on the other side of university things might be different and we can try and rekindle it - I don't know if that's particularly likely to happen though :frown:

We then had a conversation briefly on Sunday about whether it was a 'break' for a few weeks and then see each other and see how we feel situation or whether it was kind of 'it' for now. Originally he'd implied break kind of but he doesn't know whether he can see me in a few weeks or not - normally we'd plan but he just gave the excuse of 'I don't know, it's too far in the future'. He said he didn't expect us to talk for a few weeks, and I haven't messaged him on facebook since but he has been snap chatting me and I don't really know what I'm supposed/allowed to do now, whether I should still hold off messaging etc. I'm crying for hours every day because I feel so heartbroken about this. Would love some replies to help the pain - thank you in advance <3

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

21

Original post by erinls2

Hi everyone,

I'm asking for some advice and in fact mainly just people to chat to/feel better with. I don't really want the kind of advice like 'delete all his photos' etc. - I can't do that!
So I was in an LDR since I started uni 5 weeks ago (we started going out in May but we also dated last year). He broke up with me unexpectedly (for both of us) just a few days ago on Saturday when he came to stay with me for Friday and Saturday. We both loved each other very much and had an incredible night on Friday and morning on Saturday. He wasn't sure about breaking up, he didn't *want* to break up with me but felt he couldn't do the long distance any more because he is the year below and applying to universities (Cambridge as well) and doesn't feel like he can commit like I can and wants to focus on his education at the moment. I understand that. However I'm really really struggling with the break up as I loved him so very deeply. He told me about how he thought we should end it about 2 hours before his train back home on Saturday afternoon. An hour after he'd kind of introduced it he was making out with me again, telling me he loved me. I walked him to the train station and he was telling me I'm a kindred spirit and a soul mate for him and that he doesn't know if he can really be with anyone else but he can't commit right now. He said that on the other side of university things might be different and we can try and rekindle it - I don't know if that's particularly likely to happen though :frown:

We then had a conversation briefly on Sunday about whether it was a 'break' for a few weeks and then see each other and see how we feel situation or whether it was kind of 'it' for now. Originally he'd implied break kind of but he doesn't know whether he can see me in a few weeks or not - normally we'd plan but he just gave the excuse of 'I don't know, it's too far in the future'. He said he didn't expect us to talk for a few weeks, and I haven't messaged him on facebook since but he has been snap chatting me and I don't really know what I'm supposed/allowed to do now, whether I should still hold off messaging etc. I'm crying for hours every day because I feel so heartbroken about this. Would love some replies to help the pain - thank you in advance <3

That sucks - especially that he's messaging you on snapchat but not on Facebook - it'll kill you if he's 'half-committed' like that, so I would advise blocking him on snapchat for now - trust me when I say that even seeing photos of him will slowly kill you in this situation.

You asked not to say this, but ultimately the best thing you can do is to delete the photos. Just knowing that they exist somewhere accessible, again, will hurt you badly. If you get together again, you can always make new ones. And also block contact with him, even if it's only temporary. Again, even if you don't talk to him but the avenue is still there and you rely on your trust to not talk to him, it is not good for you.

It all seems difficult to move on, I know it is, but it gets much easier when you get the strength to delete all of your connections to him, because he's unlikely to turn around (until he goes to uni, at the very least) so there's no point in hanging on for a year. You need to be enjoying uni and meeting new people.

Call me a pessimist, but the likelihood of meeting a soulmate (and actually understanding what one is) before university is very low. You may or may not look back at this in one year and think that it was not the case at all.

I went through something similar in my first year of university and I just cringe on it when I look back - maybe you will too. I have since met many better people.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I'm in my last year of school (year 13) my ex-boyfriend, who is a year older than me, left for uni in September. I broke up with him after a month. I did this because I was so distracted, on my phone 24/7 just to speak to him. And when my grades went down a bit, and as he got busy with uni stuff, I realized that our relationship was worse for both of us. I'm telling you this cause I know what you're going through. It's hard to get over someone you love and have been with for so long. But if you think about it, you guys are in very different paths right now: he's at school working his ass off and busy with uni applications; and you're starting this new chapter of your life, and busy with your degree, new friends, etc. That's why I called it quits. But still do keep in touch, a text or a snap once in a while is okay. After all he's still your friend and I suppose you'll want to know how he's doing and vice versa. And maybe who knows? Next year you'll be together again.

Hope this helps Xx

Dealing with a long distance relationship break up at university - soul mate lost

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