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Really in need of some advice... Feeling so down watch

    • Thread Starter

    I am currently a First year at college and I originally chose three a-levels consisting of English Lit&Lang, History and Drama and Theatre Studies. However, I never wanted to do Drama A-Level and always wanted to do BTEC Acting instead. I wasn't allowed due to it not fitting around my other courses. Eventually I gave in and found a way I could take acting but it meant I had to drop English Lit&Lang for just English Language.

    Finally getting to do BTEC Acting - I was happy. However, due to having to drop Lit&Lang for just Language, it really wasn't for me. I used to always want to be a writer, but English Language at a-level was nothing like GCSE and no where near creative writing which I love. I felt as though I did amazingly at GCSE English and so I took it in college but it was as though I was just relearning things but in more depth which brought me no interest whatsoever ... so I opted to swap as it was making me unhappy. Due to the timing of changing being the last day of swapping courses, I was put under pressure of what to swap English for and regrettingly chose Photography thinking I needed a more creative subject to replace it for.

    Now, I do BTEC Acting, A-Level Photography and A-Level History. I really thought changing would make me feel better but it has made me feel ten times worse. I am experiencing upsets everyday, I've been breaking down, getting easily annoyed and my head is full of regret as I really wish I had chosen Sociology now, what if's and the thought of knowing I can no longer swap subjects as its too late makes me feel sick.

    It's gotten to the point now where I'm becoming unfocused and extremely unmotivated for college a so whole a and in History and Acting, physically, mentally and emotionally frightened of going to lessons and every time I go to do work, I experience break downs or panic attacks. I really don't know what to do. I've spoken to my parents and friends about it all and I'm supposed to see someone in college but not for a few weeks yet. I feel like I've made one mistake after another and really don't see myself being able to cope much longer feeling this down. During GCSE's - I would just get on with something I didn't like such as Science or Maths .. But this time I know I should be doing what I get to choose to study .. And that's what is making me feel even worse due to this finally being my time.

    I don't know if it's specifically the subjects, or its college life itself, the environment, the teachers,the people. I'm seeing it more now as it's not about the facts, it's about the way it's making me feel and I don't know what to do. I have all these options flooding my mind such as dropping out and getting an apprenticeship, scrapping this year and starting again next year with Sociology instead, suck it up and suffer through these two years or whatever else there is.

    I feel like I keep comparing myself to others as lots of people I ask are loving college and really enjoying their chosen options .. However, I am the complete opposite and hearing other people's views makes me feel even worse. I feel like I did amazingly in my GCSE's and I definitely have more potential than taking Photography - and Sociology seems really interesting and more up my street. I just feel as though I'm trapped and nothing can be done about it. The way I'm feeling at the moment is draining and it won't go away.

    To begin with, don't have any regrets. We all make decisions in life that we realise aren't the right choices for us, you will probably make a few more in future life, unfortunately we don't realise they aren't right for us until we've made that choice.

    I personally have had three experiences with college life until I found a course that I knew was right for me; I still don't enjoy the whole college environment, but I've worked to realise it's a stepping stone to my future career goals. When you focus on the future you spend less time worrying about the present, and you'll see the time to pass quickly.

    It's good that you're talking to your friends, family and the college about your experiences. Hopefully when you've spoken more to your college they will open up a few options for you to go forward with your chosen choices. Don't see this all as a mistake, but as a stepping stone and a reminder that you have real passion and fire to make the best of your future rather then just "going with the flow".
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