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Ex knocked my self esteem :(

Me and my ex bf were together 4 years, we broke up in June because we grew apart after I had been studying abroad. I was upset but got over it when I started back at uni. He was watching my snapchat story this week, and he asked 'where is that?' and started messaging me, and the conversation was fine at first. Then, he started talking about our relationship and was generally being mean to me about it. I said I still cared about him, then he started saying I was 'cold hearted' because I'm wasn't into kissing/hugging in public a lot. And then he said other quite nasty things like 'I am too good for you', as if trying to knock my self esteem. I'm quite a shy person anyway so I feel like it was uncalled for to say these things to me. I don't understand? Why did he even start a conversation with me if he wanted to be nasty?

Reply 1

threeportdrift

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Original post by Anonymous

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Why are you giving any value or credibility to a person who is just being nasty to you? Why are you continuing a conversation that is hurtful to you? I think 'ex' is the bit you should be focussing on, sounds like you made a tough but correct decision to move on, and you need to keep moving.

Reply 2

Stiff Little Fingers

He probably didn't start the conversation with the intent of being nasty, but wanted to stay on an amicable basis with you - I'd guess he's still hurt at the way the relationship ended and is lashing out partly because of that and partly to convince himself he's better off out of it.

Reply 3

Huw M Thomas

He probably feels terrible and blames you for the way he feels. He wants you to share in his bitterness and so...

Reply 4

Leslie Knope

do u have reason why u dont like showing affection in public? or is it just bcuz u arent comforatable with it? maybe u being shy is the reason why hes going all nucleuar on u, try standing up for yourself, show him that u are the bigger person x

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

I don't understand why he starts the conversations off if he thinks these things. We were talking fine for a few hours until he brought up the past, and saying how it ended

Reply 6

username2791212

My personal plan of action would be to block and delete.

Reply 7

rinofthemill

he's being bitter. he probably stills hurts about the break up and is trying to take it out on you, or he's trying to convince himself that breaking up was the best thing by telling you (and himself) that your relationship wasn't good enough for him. you broke up because you drifted apart and sometimes I think that's harder than breaking up because of cheating or a fight or something big and obvious you know? so he's probably trying to make himself feel better about it.
It's not right, it's a horrid thing for him to do and if he's going to keep doing it I would suggest you stop talking to him until he grows up, but that might be what's running through his mind.
mostly it's important to keep yourself happy. you haven't done anything wrong, but he's deliberately trying to hurt you. it would be best to not talk to him for a bit cause he'll only make you confused and doubt yourself

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

He’s clearly a ****. He’s bitter, angry and probably misses you, which is why he’s lashing out. Give him (and yourself) time to move on before you talk to him again.

Try not to take him to heart; he’s just trying to make you feel hurt.