How do I believe my boyfriend’s compliments?

I’ve been dating my long distance boyfriend for over 7 months, he always compliments me when we’re on video call but I’ve been self conscious and insecure about my appearance. He tells me so many times Im pretty but I can never believe him. I do love when he compliments me but still get a little uncomfortable when he does cause i don’t know how to react due to my low self esteem. I’m also not quite his type so I sometimes ask myself why he’s even dating me. I can hardly take his words seriously cause I’ve never been complimented much before and my family makes little comments about my appearance making me always self aware..how can I believe him and start loving myself more?

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous #1

I’ve been dating my long distance boyfriend for over 7 months, he always compliments me when we’re on video call but I’ve been self conscious and insecure about my appearance. He tells me so many times Im pretty but I can never believe him. I do love when he compliments me but still get a little uncomfortable when he does cause i don’t know how to react due to my low self esteem. I’m also not quite his type so I sometimes ask myself why he’s even dating me. I can hardly take his words seriously cause I’ve never been complimented much before and my family makes little comments about my appearance making me always self aware..how can I believe him and start loving myself more?

You're always your own worst critic... it's worth remembering that (I think it's true for just about anyone TBF).

It may help you to know that you've almost certainly got a subjective view of yourself. You're always acutely aware of your own personal hang-ups (e.g. that tiny bit of flab on your stomach that just won't go away... the way you slightly squint when you smile;... or the fact that you've missed your target weight loss by less than 1/2 a kilo etc). Yeah, I know how it works, believe me, I've got plenty of my own issues, trust!

However, when the world sees you... they have an objective view of you. They see the bigger picture; where the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. They barely notice or care about any of the sort of things described above They'll look at the whole "you" and decide for themselves how universally attractive you are.

As a matter of fact, even your personal quirks etc. that you hate about yourself can become really endearing to the right person. If he's complimenting all those little weird things you do, then it's a sure sign. Ditto, if he's commenting on specific aspects of you (and not just a generic, "you look great") then he means it.

For an ex's 21st birthday I paid for a professional photo-shoot, where she spent the day having her make-up done and photos taken of her in various scenes. She, like you, had issues with her appearance and struggled to accept compliments... I did that, so even when she's elderly, she'll have a permanent reminder of how great she looked in her prime (plus it gave me bragging rights, when I showed people her photos 😛 ). Obviously, I can't suggest it to your boyfriend... but could you treat yourself maybe? If you're at college or Uni, you may be able to get some art / photography students to do a shoot at a discount or as part of one of their own projects?

Talking of the above, you'll be surprised how many models, movie-stars etc. don't look that great IRL. make-up, the specific angles the camera is taken from, the background and even the lighting or camera filters all contribute to that perfect image you see on magazine covers like Vogue Cosmopolitan etc.

Hope that helps. 🙂

(edited 5 months ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

I honestly rarely take pictures of myself or when I do feel pretty and take some, I’d often later on look at them and find them ugly so I delete them. I don’t think I could do a photoshoot even if I was able to, I’d never build up the courage to do it. I don’t have anyone to ask either. Thankyou for answering :smile:

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How do I believe my boyfriend’s compliments?

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