I strongly dislike my mum Watch

anonymous_117
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So basically me and my mum have had a bad relationship for about 5 years and I’m 17 (Asian Muslim female) .I can’t really remember when and how it started but I guess it was just small things building up that makes me not like her and therefore avoid her as much as possible. She has always been really rude and mean to my older sister who didn’t want to get into medicine like my parents wanted her to and she’s now in college doing a 2 year course (not medicine related) that takes her straight into university if she’s successful. Anyways my mum basically only cares about her and my dads reputation and she’s a very self centred person. I feel horrible saying this but honestly it hurts that I have a view of her like this and I try to change it or start fresh but she always does or says something that breaks my heart and I would rather stay away from people like her. Another thing is that she’s verbally abusive towards us but mostly me and my sister (I also have brothers) and in the past she has raised her hands on us so I guess that plays a part in my hate towards her. Unfortunately I feel like being around her has made me the worst person possible. I get very aggressive easily and don’t get along with anyone in my house due to this. I don’t know if I’m just over reacting or if my feeling are justified. They have tried to get me to do medicine aswell but I refused because I am more interested in Law (got offers from gd universities) and most of the universities I choose were outside of the city I live in. I told her once in the past that I applied outside for university but didn’t tell her that it was 4 and 1 in my city and she was like ok but I feel like if I was to tell her now she would go mad. I just didn’t want to be near her during university because I wanted to start new and stay away from toxic people as much as possible . Wow this is really long. So basically are my feelings towards her justified or stupid and over reacted?
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Deku7
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Hey,

As someone who's not really talking to her parents either, I can understand how your feelings towards your Mum have turned. For me it's my Dad, we'd have arguments over small things and then it blows into something huge. But I've come to realise it's usually because of other problems in the house (I.e financial).

It sounds like the typical Asian parents that want their kids to be a better version of themselves. So in that you should see your Mum wants what's best for you and for you to be successful. However, she's going about it pretty badly. She shouldn't be forcing you or you sister. Tbh, it's the toxic "what are people gonna say" mentality in our culture. So simply, no, I don't blame you for feeling like that but try to go about relationship with your Mum a bit better. Don't just leave home for uni and completely cut her out. Try and at least be civil with her. And get closer with your siblings before it's too late.

Hope this helps you and in Shaa Allah you and your family's relationship improves.

Sayonara
-Deku7
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law001x0
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(Original post by anonymous_117)
So basically me and my mum have had a bad relationship for about 5 years and I’m 17 (Asian Muslim female) .I can’t really remember when and how it started but I guess it was just small things building up that makes me not like her and therefore avoid her as much as possible. She has always been really rude and mean to my older sister who didn’t want to get into medicine like my parents wanted her to and she’s now in college doing a 2 year course (not medicine related) that takes her straight into university if she’s successful. Anyways my mum basically only cares about her and my dads reputation and she’s a very self centred person. I feel horrible saying this but honestly it hurts that I have a view of her like this and I try to change it or start fresh but she always does or says something that breaks my heart and I would rather stay away from people like her. Another thing is that she’s verbally abusive towards us but mostly me and my sister (I also have brothers) and in the past she has raised her hands on us so I guess that plays a part in my hate towards her. Unfortunately I feel like being around her has made me the worst person possible. I get very aggressive easily and don’t get along with anyone in my house due to this. I don’t know if I’m just over reacting or if my feeling are justified. They have tried to get me to do medicine aswell but I refused because I am more interested in Law (got offers from gd universities) and most of the universities I choose were outside of the city I live in. I told her once in the past that I applied outside for university but didn’t tell her that it was 4 and 1 in my city and she was like ok but I feel like if I was to tell her now she would go mad. I just didn’t want to be near her during university because I wanted to start new and stay away from toxic people as much as possible . Wow this is really long. So basically are my feelings towards her justified or stupid and over reacted?
I come from a similar background, and I can tell you that moving out of the family home was the best thing I've ever done, so don't let your mother persuade you otherwise.

Your feelings seem very much justified, and unfortunately we don't choose our family and sometimes we cannot find it within ourselves to love the family we were given. Your mother is an adult, who is fully responsible for her actions and should be aware of the impact that her words and actions will have. She is continuing to treat you that way, and as such you are under no obligation to lover her.

Go to University, start building another life for yourself and get out of that home.
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Last edited by law001x0; 4 weeks ago
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anonymous_117
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(Original post by law001x0)
I come from a similar background, and I can tell you that moving out of the family home was the best thing I've ever done, so don't let your mother persuade you otherwise.

Your feelings seem very much justified, and unfortunately we don't choose our family and sometimes we cannot find it within ourselves to love the family we were given. Your mother is an adult, who is fully responsible for her actions and should be aware of the impact that her words and actions will have. She is continuing to treat you that way, and as such you are under no obligation to lover her.

Go to University, start building another life for yourself and get out of that home.
Hey, thank you honestly this was something I’ve been waiting to hear for ages. I don’t get easily persuaded but I just have this gut feeling that she might try to emotionally black mail me and my dad obviously supports her so he would most likely in that situation go against me and it just hurts me to think that. Damn I wish I had understanding people like you in my life instead their all like your wrong for thinking that😂 Thank you again.
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anonymous_117
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(Original post by Deku7)
Hey,

As someone who's not really talking to her parents either, I can understand how your feelings towards your Mum have turned. For me it's my Dad, we'd have arguments over small things and then it blows into something huge. But I've come to realise it's usually because of other problems in the house (I.e financial).

It sounds like the typical Asian parents that want their kids to be a better version of themselves. So in that you should see your Mum wants what's best for you and for you to be successful. However, she's going about it pretty badly. She shouldn't be forcing you or you sister. Tbh, it's the toxic "what are people gonna say" mentality in our culture. So simply, no, I don't blame you for feeling like that but try to go about relationship with your Mum a bit better. Don't just leave home for uni and completely cut her out. Try and at least be civil with her. And get closer with your siblings before it's too late.

Hope this helps you and in Shaa Allah you and your family's relationship improves.

Sayonara
-
Hey I see where your coming from but the thing is tha whenever I try to be calm and civil with them they do something that just pisses me off and then the cycle starts again. Thanks for your reply
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