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I am in dire need of an opinion! Please help!

Hello chaps,

I am not usually the one to come to forums for help, however the situation I currently find myself makes me in need of it. This is relating to my current girlfriend, and I ask this question because I am suspicious of her behaviour in recent months.

Me and my girlfriend started off on the best of grounds, we have been in a relationship for the past two-years, and they have been a both very good and very turbulent at times, we used to have sex at least twice a day, I'd cook food, etc.

But!

This I am afraid has gone kaput, she got a job at a countryside pub around 10 months ago, give or take a few weeks, and it was a very good job, she worked in the kitchen, as well as being a waitress when it the needs of the pub required so, and shell fell in love with the banter of the staff and the regular customers.

About 3-4 months into her job her manager, whom we will call Bill who is also the same age as her, completely changed the rota one day. Originally I thought nothing of it, just more days for her, but then she came home and said Bill had offered to take her round his house with his girlfriend to play Final Fantasy, a game she wanted to try before buying. I originally objected saying I wouldn't feel comfortable with her doing that, some random guy I'd never met. She eventually agreed after I kept saying "No".

So cut a few weeks ahead, she comes home, and I am there in the kitchen cooking us dinner when she blurts out "So, Bill wanted to **** me". I am initially am quite disturbed by this notion, mainly because I had finally realised why he had altered the rota to give him much more days with her than anyone else. She asked him about it and asked if his girlfriend was actually going to be there and he said no, then she asked why he had lied and he said he lied because he wanted to **** her and that the reason was is because his girlfriend wasn't giving him any because she was stressed at work (They both worked at the same pub).

I mean, what the ****?

A cut back to now and our relationship is completely devoid of sexual contact, it is quite literally the only thing we argue about. Don't get me wrong, I don't meaning going without sex for a few weeks that understandable, but when it turns into months (5+) without any sex, kissing or anything, it is quite strange. She will only peck me on the lips or cheek.

She goes out with this other guy called, we'll call Mike, because he has a car to get Krespy Kremes, take in mind there is a supermarket next to us that sells them, and she travelled an extra 25-30 mins without accounting for traffic to get these one from a complete different place. With this other guy. Oh and this whole escapade was on the pretence of getting me some donuts as a surprise. Guess what? I did not get my donuts! (Sounds funny writing that)

She was also talking to this guy, day and night, we'll call him Jack, about going down to her home area to go the cinema with him because he was "lonely" and didn't have many friends, she asked me to go, and because of the whole Bill thing I instantly said no again.

And to top it all off, we had an argument three days ago about sex, our 40th argument on the subject, and then she decided quit her job, and to move down to her home area, where this Jack bloke is, to "Give us space". She still wants to stay with me in a relationship and says she will come back up within 2-months. She has turned her location thing off on Snapchat, doesn't answer my messages till late.

I have all but given up at this point.

What do you think she could be doing, and please be honest, I need people that are not going to horse around the subject.

I appreciate the help chaps!

Mr-Beans

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For the sake of fairness, I will say I am complete ******** when it comes to arguments in this relationship, but I can assure you all, that I was forced into that.

At the beginning, whenever we had an argument, no matter what it would be about or who caused it, I would apologise if it would make everything calm down. She would never do this, and in fact mostly ignored me during arguments. Literally saying nothing but staring at me or inanimate objects angrily.

To show how serious this got, I was once at the end of my tether to the extent of me telling her either she fixes this, or we're done. Little did you know, she let it sour over three days, all the whilst I would make her breakfast, lunch and dinner and bring it in with a drink. I only wanted a genuine apology and a promise that she would try better. She never apologised and I folded and told her to let bygones be bygones.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

If you have given up and she puts little effort into the relationship already, then it's probably better to break it off. Yes, this is a harsh idea but no one should put in tremendous efforts to gain forgiveness back. Sounds like there's a lack of affection as well. Unfortunately, you cannot make her become more affectionate, she has to change by her own free will. I assume that you're craving the affection that you've been deprived of, which is natural and understandable. If she really refuses to show affection, then breaking up is an option. It might be hard but based on what you've said, it sounds like both of you are staying in this relationship for convenience, which isn't a good enough reason to stay. If you're unhappy with the relationship, then it's not worth it. Good general rule of thumb and is the main sign of when to end a relationship. Don't just stay because you are hoping to go back to the 'honeymoon stage', where the relationship is at its best. Stay in that relationship because you genuinely love being with her.
It doesn't seem like there's any boundaries within the relationship. If there are boundaries and compromises set up, both parties are likely to benefit from the relationship. Try to set some boundaries, for yourself and your partner, in case breaking up is an option that is unwanted. Better to discuss this option before diving in and ruining a relationship that is actually beneficial for both parties. These are just the two options that I could think of. Of course, you have the option to ignore them both. Hope this helps you with your situation.