I'm disappointed and frustrated with my mu but I love her and want to fix it Watch

Bwbg
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I love my mum and I used to look up to her but now I don't , not at all, the little things she does annoy me so much . At the moment we're in a horrible situation at home We have been put as soon to be homeless if we don't find a rental soon and we have no money . So I get that if we were going to have problems now would probably be the time but it's so hard because I don't like her I hate to say it but I don't , she doesn't like to go out , she is paranoid and doesn't like the curtains open to wide I feel like I have to push and push her to agree to anything Which I hate . She doesn't have any friends, she quite easily gets side tracked but when she wants something it happens but when I would like a day trip out (which I would pay half for ) it's a fight . And we usually don't have anything to talk about unless it's a big topic like space or something and when we watch TV I'll say something she will just blank me ,I'll ask if she heard me and she will just go 'yeah' and it hurts to know I struggle to talk I know I can be insensitive with her and I breaks my heart to know we're at this point . I would say I'm more extroverted and she introverted but I can struggle to relate it like why would u want to spend Ur days in a house watching TV when u could explore liagh do fun things .I would just like her to be a adventurous grounded fun mum and instead she just emo for example today we had another argument when we were sitting and i had said something about cats can sometimes be allergic to humans and she went 'well I'm allergic to humans ' and I had said she wasn't she when ' humans are horrible things ' I know it's small but it got blown up she didn't like the way I was talking which to be honest I don't blame her but I have resentment towards her
with having no money when everyone around me goes out has social lives goes on holiday everything and own there house now I know life has tested her alot and I say i love her and would do anything but the truth is that I may love her but i don't like her and I want to fix that .I've changed recently but I've liked how I've changed , I've wanted to go out more , adventure grow alot but it feel as if my mum hasn't joined me I want to speed up but she wants to slow down which i get she's older and we don't have a lot of money anyway but I know the frustration come from me so i want to know if I'm in the wrong I can't go to a councilor for us both so this is the next best option so if u have any advice let me know x
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999tigger
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#2
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(Original post by Bwbg)
I love my mum and I used to look up to her but now I don't , not at all, the little things she does annoy me so much . At the moment we're in a horrible situation at home We have been put as soon to be homeless if we don't find a rental soon and we have no money . So I get that if we were going to have problems now would probably be the time but it's so hard because I don't like her I hate to say it but I don't , she doesn't like to go out , she is paranoid and doesn't like the curtains open to wide I feel like I have to push and push her to agree to anything Which I hate . She doesn't have any friends, she quite easily gets side tracked but when she wants something it happens but when I would like a day trip out (which I would pay half for ) it's a fight . And we usually don't have anything to talk about unless it's a big topic like space or something and when we watch TV I'll say something she will just blank me ,I'll ask if she heard me and she will just go 'yeah' and it hurts to know I struggle to talk I know I can be insensitive with her and I breaks my heart to know we're at this point . I would say I'm more extroverted and she introverted but I can struggle to relate it like why would u want to spend Ur days in a house watching TV when u could explore liagh do fun things .I would just like her to be a adventurous grounded fun mum and instead she just emo for example today we had another argument when we were sitting and i had said something about cats can sometimes be allergic to humans and she went 'well I'm allergic to humans ' and I had said she wasn't she when ' humans are horrible things ' I know it's small but it got blown up she didn't like the way I was talking which to be honest I don't blame her but I have resentment towards her
with having no money when everyone around me goes out has social lives goes on holiday everything and own there house now I know life has tested her alot and I say i love her and would do anything but the truth is that I may love her but i don't like her and I want to fix that .I've changed recently but I've liked how I've changed , I've wanted to go out more , adventure grow alot but it feel as if my mum hasn't joined me I want to speed up but she wants to slow down which i get she's older and we don't have a lot of money anyway but I know the frustration come from me so i want to know if I'm in the wrong I can't go to a councilor for us both so this is the next best option so if u have any advice let me know x
Parents arent perfect.

You sound quite selfish and if you really end up being homeless then not being able to afford to go out is going to pale into insignificance. I would point out at 18 you are a priority case for help from the council but at 19 they are under no obligation to help.

I dont think you are going to sort things overnight and it may take her many years to get back on track..
Instead of resentment and dislike I would suggest trying not to dwell on it and focus on helping yourself.

Good eduation.
Get a job and pay for your own trips.
Get your own group of friends.

All these put you in a better place about yourself and to help your mum. Avoid conflict and venting frustration on her, be as kind as you can or just ignore and you might improve things in the future.
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Bwbg
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Parents arent perfect.

You sound quite selfish and if you really end up being homeless then not being able to afford to go out is going to pale into insignificance. I would point out at 18 you are a priority case for help from the council but at 19 they are under no obligation to help.

I dont think you are going to sort things overnight and it may take her many years to get back on track..
Instead of resentment and dislike I would suggest trying not to dwell on it and focus on helping yourself.

Good eduation.
Get a job and pay for your own trips.
Get your own group of friends.

All these put you in a better place about yourself and to help your mum. Avoid conflict and venting frustration on her, be as kind as you can or just ignore and you might improve things in the future.
Thanks for the advice , I am in a bad place rn so being called selfish is hugely justified as I need to grow alot more . I hadnt put it in the post but I ment with the frustration of going out was to do things like bike around or simply hike ( basically more regular things that didn't involve money) but she still wouldn't do it . With the whole homeless situation they say that they will put us into a hostile which my mum is refusing to do as we have cats and they can't come with us so that leaves us in limbo . I am under 18 though so I know what ever happens we will get something (even if it's a tenament)
However we had a talk ( not a very nice one ) but it q talk it's never going to be easy, we agreed we needed to get hobbies together so that we can bond and have more to talk about as well as both behaving better with each other . I have a lot to work through it was just because my life has always been a it need a few years to fix kind of life as it's never been settled which is why at this point I was sick of it (even if the situation was more reasonable) but I know I just need to keep going and try and work it out but thanks for u the input sorry I have rambled a bit but thank you x
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999tigger
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(Original post by Bwbg)
Thanks for the advice , I am in a bad place rn so being called selfish is hugely justified as I need to grow alot more . I hadnt put it in the post but I ment with the frustration of going out was to do things like bike around or simply hike ( basically more regular things that didn't involve money) but she still wouldn't do it . With the whole homeless situation they say that they will put us into a hostile which my mum is refusing to do as we have cats and they can't come with us so that leaves us in limbo . I am under 18 though so I know what ever happens we will get something (even if it's a tenament)
However we had a talk ( not a very nice one ) but it q talk it's never going to be easy, we agreed we needed to get hobbies together so that we can bond and have more to talk about as well as both behaving better with each other . I have a lot to work through it was just because my life has always been a it need a few years to fix kind of life as it's never been settled which is why at this point I was sick of it (even if the situation was more reasonable) but I know I just need to keep going and try and work it out but thanks for u the input sorry I have rambled a bit but thank you x
I believe I was more pointing out you need to get your priorities right and being homeless isnt fun.

On the one hand you have your own life for which you can study hard, get a pt job for some money and have your own social life. That just relies on you.


Your mum is more problematic so focus on the former and avoid conflict.
To the extent you want to improve things, then perhaps she is in a dark place or dealing with things you have yet to experience. To that extent avoiding conflict benefits both of you.

To the extent you want her to improve her own life or improve relations with you, be patient and take small steps. It will take time and at the moment as long as she isnt beating you or mercilessly abusing, then focus on school and your own social development. You can spend a bit each week trying to improve with her, not arguing and peaceful co existence is a start. School is more important at the moment. Be patient and do whats best for you in the medium and long term as well. Not all parents are great and believe it or not some people have much worse than yours. Hopefully things will improve for both of you in the future.

I hope you can see my perspective and why I believe its best for you at this stage in life.
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Bwbg
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(Original post by 999tigger)
I believe I was more pointing out you need to get your priorities right and being homeless isnt fun.

On the one hand you have your own life for which you can study hard, get a pt job for some money and have your own social life. That just relies on you.


Your mum is more problematic so focus on the former and avoid conflict.
To the extent you want to improve things, then perhaps she is in a dark place or dealing with things you have yet to experience. To that extent avoiding conflict benefits both of you.

To the extent you want her to improve her own life or improve relations with you, be patient and take small steps. It will take time and at the moment as long as she isnt beating you or mercilessly abusing, then focus on school and your own social development. You can spend a bit each week trying to improve with her, not arguing and peaceful co existence is a start. School is more important at the moment. Be patient and do whats best for you in the medium and long term as well. Not all parents are great and believe it or not some people have much worse than yours. Hopefully things will improve for both of you in the future.

I hope you can see my perspective and why I believe its best for you at this stage in life.
Yes I agree that why I put the post because we would both see it from our own side not each others and I wanted a third voice to get perspective on it because sometimes I feel like she overreacts but I never know if she just over reacting or if in just in the wrong.
She loves me so much and I do also so i knew I owned it to her to make things right . We are kind of getting there but its not easy at school I've gotten straight a's at the moment (still waiting on some of them ) which is amazing and I know not to waste it (find a well paying job) . With friends I don't know I don't want to go on about but I have quite a few friends however they never invite me anyway unless it's a birthday thing (I always have to initiate it ) which sucks and makes me doubt myself quite alot . But I know I have to just keep trying and so far me and my mum are okay ish however we did have a slight problem just because she wanted to eat cake at 10am and I couldn't stop myself from saying I was worried about that (she has had eating disorders in the past so it's a very sensitive subject ) she called me controling so yeah not great but we are okay now . But it does hurt alot to know that we are so close in good days but bad days or even moment are very bad. Although I did want to know what u thought of my mum . Just as a general idea because I am just curious as sometimes I can feel like she overreacts alot . She is great when she's happy and has done so much for me even if it wasn't the best idea (like take a huge loan to pay for my computer ) which u was young at the time so I didn't realize my computer was a similar price to a used car . I also wanted to know if u had any suggestions on what we could do to enjoy each other again (I know that sound horrible but there are times I know we great on each other). I just hope we work it all out x thanks again
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Bwbg
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(Original post by Bwbg)
I love my mum and I used to look up to her but now I don't , not at all, the little things she does annoy me so much . At the moment we're in a horrible situation at home We have been put as soon to be homeless if we don't find a rental soon and we have no money . So I get that if we were going to have problems now would probably be the time but it's so hard because I don't like her I hate to say it but I don't , she doesn't like to go out , she is paranoid and doesn't like the curtains open to wide I feel like I have to push and push her to agree to anything Which I hate . She doesn't have any friends, she quite easily gets side tracked but when she wants something it happens but when I would like a day trip out (which I would pay half for ) it's a fight . And we usually don't have anything to talk about unless it's a big topic like space or something and when we watch TV I'll say something she will just blank me ,I'll ask if she heard me and she will just go 'yeah' and it hurts to know I struggle to talk I know I can be insensitive with her and I breaks my heart to know we're at this point . I would say I'm more extroverted and she introverted but I can struggle to relate it like why would u want to spend Ur days in a house watching TV when u could explore liagh do fun things .I would just like her to be a adventurous grounded fun mum and instead she just emo for example today we had another argument when we were sitting and i had said something about cats can sometimes be allergic to humans and she went 'well I'm allergic to humans ' and I had said she wasn't she when ' humans are horrible things ' I know it's small but it got blown up she didn't like the way I was talking which to be honest I don't blame her but I have resentment towards her
with having no money when everyone around me goes out has social lives goes on holiday everything and own there house now I know life has tested her alot and I say i love her and would do anything but the truth is that I may love her but i don't like her and I want to fix that .I've changed recently but I've liked how I've changed , I've wanted to go out more , adventure grow alot but it feel as if my mum hasn't joined me I want to speed up but she wants to slow down which i get she's older and we don't have a lot of money anyway but I know the frustration come from me so i want to know if I'm in the wrong I can't go to a councilor for us both so this is the next best option so if u have any advice let me know x
Another up date at the moment me and my mum have been doing really good till now . A few months ago a cat we thought was a stray came in turned out it belonged to a very very ruff family who wanted to breed her but since it's not our we had to let her go however she never when back to the family and has been missing since.today my mum said she now think it's definitely gone and could be in trouble but we don't know for certain . I obviously got upset and frustrated at the family while my mum was trying to say she was making peace with it and was upset I had gotten upset!! Even though I am going to have an opinion and said to her that she my mum I should be able to share my feelings with her. Then she said she done hardly anything today which would be fine but I've been pushing myself trying to do things that's she's ment to do!! She always tells me to relax so when I ask her to do stuff I kid u not it the most recent thing I've asked ,I've asked for the last month for others it's been anywhere from 6 months under!! Its redickulous (sorry I can't spell it) now yesterday I just told her I've been having suicidal thought everyother day (it was hard to tell her I knew I had to ) and now she doesn't do anything when we had a talk about how I need to feel she taking care of things more!! Next day she hasn't done anything and she wasn't talking in the car and she said "you've made me sad now" when I asked if she was okay! I said that I should be able to say what I have to say!! And when we got home she said " you've made my heartbreak but it's not your fault " I'm sorry but what the **** I HAVE BEEN HAVING MOMENT WERE I WISHING TO DIE FOR ABOUT MONTH NOW AND YOU CAN GET YOUR **** TOGETHER I KNOW ITS SAD AND HORRIBLE BUT COME ON I don't know what anyone thinks about this but I'm struggling. Xx (really sorry for the swearing I was just frustrated and wanted to really vent how I felt ) x
Last edited by Bwbg; 5 days ago
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Zain_Ahmed
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(Original post by Bwbg)
I love my mum and I used to look up to her but now I don't , not at all, the little things she does annoy me so much . At the moment we're in a horrible situation at home We have been put as soon to be homeless if we don't find a rental soon and we have no money . So I get that if we were going to have problems now would probably be the time but it's so hard because I don't like her I hate to say it but I don't , she doesn't like to go out , she is paranoid and doesn't like the curtains open to wide I feel like I have to push and push her to agree to anything Which I hate . She doesn't have any friends, she quite easily gets side tracked but when she wants something it happens but when I would like a day trip out (which I would pay half for ) it's a fight . And we usually don't have anything to talk about unless it's a big topic like space or something and when we watch TV I'll say something she will just blank me ,I'll ask if she heard me and she will just go 'yeah' and it hurts to know I struggle to talk I know I can be insensitive with her and I breaks my heart to know we're at this point . I would say I'm more extroverted and she introverted but I can struggle to relate it like why would u want to spend Ur days in a house watching TV when u could explore liagh do fun things .I would just like her to be a adventurous grounded fun mum and instead she just emo for example today we had another argument when we were sitting and i had said something about cats can sometimes be allergic to humans and she went 'well I'm allergic to humans ' and I had said she wasn't she when ' humans are horrible things ' I know it's small but it got blown up she didn't like the way I was talking which to be honest I don't blame her but I have resentment towards her
with having no money when everyone around me goes out has social lives goes on holiday everything and own there house now I know life has tested her alot and I say i love her and would do anything but the truth is that I may love her but i don't like her and I want to fix that .I've changed recently but I've liked how I've changed , I've wanted to go out more , adventure grow alot but it feel as if my mum hasn't joined me I want to speed up but she wants to slow down which i get she's older and we don't have a lot of money anyway but I know the frustration come from me so i want to know if I'm in the wrong I can't go to a councilor for us both so this is the next best option so if u have any advice let me know x
You seem to just see what YOU want and not what SHE wants.. You want to change a person to fit your own benefit.. Your mum is your mum. Love her for who she is and try to comfort her and see what the problem actually is, she sounds a bit depressed.
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