Is this relationship worth continuing?

What qualities do you like about her, what is that attracting feature about her that is making you stay in the relationship?

I had a relationship just like you described. My ex-girlfriend could not be bothered or motivated to find out what she wanted to do, and every attempt at getting her to find out would either end in a fight and a flat refusal or a promise to look into it, only for her to invariably break that promise...

I understand your frustration. My ex's problems ran a little deeper than not knowing what she wanted to do in the future, but the core problem was the same, no matter what I or anyone did, she could not be galvanised to do anything at all. And it's a horrible feeling, because I cared for her a lot. You think she'll turn it around, or you'll be able to make her do something about her future and then... nothing happens, nothing changes. And I fully believe you when you say you tried to encourage her and I fully believe you care for her, else you wouldn't start getting resentful and frustrated.

I can only tell you what happened to me - my relationship only lasted a month and a half from the moment I realised I was getting frustrated at her lack of plan or action towards her future and her other problems. But I looked back and realised that I had been frustrated for months beforehand, probably refusing to accept it. You probably have come to a similar conclusion or will soon. And then I came to the conclusion that people like my ex don't enjoy being like that, but are also convinced that having an aimless, purposeless life is better than the alternative of trying to find out what to do with their lifes. I believe that no one but themselves will make them change. You can try and aid them, but the responsibility lies squarely with them and if they don't want to, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. I also noticed that these people bring you down, unknowingly and unwittingly, but inactivity and aimlessness is contagious and you will see in a few months that if you were to pursue a future with this girl, she was going to not get anywhere in life and stop you from going where you want to go in life. You'll also see that you weren't doing her any favours and were also unknowingly and unwittingly facilitating her not doing anything about her future.

If you had to ask this question, it's because you've already answered it yourself and you just either don't know it yet or you refuse to accept the answer. You are fighting a losing battle. Your relationship is on borrowed time and the longer you avoid the inevitable, the more you'll hurt her - and yourself. I'm very sorry. Life sucks like that sometimes.

I feel like you’ve perfectly described my relationship as it stands. It’s reassuring, so thank you for taking the time to write this. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you break things off with your ex girlfriend?

No problem, glad to help.

I'm not going to tell you how I ended things with my ex because it was wrong what I did. I bottled things for too long and as a result, I just exploded in a way I didn't even think I was capable of and I finished things, very badly. So badly that it was a break-up spread out over two days. So when you break up with your girlfriend, you ideally want to avoid having reached your emotional breaking point, because you'll make crass decisions that'll just make everything much uglier than it need to be.

I wish I was of more help to you, but the only advice I can give you is, once you've decided to do it, you need to do it quickly before your emotions kick in and do it for you, and that it's probably best to set her expectations in advance (e.g.: tell her it isn't working out and you need a break to think about the future). Breaking up with someone you care about is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do to yourself, so also be prepared for that. And know that it's OK to grieve the end of the relationship, regardless that you ended it, and remember, you're not alone. I wish you the best.

Sounds like you've been through it. Hope you're ok, and I appreciate the advice. I've been broken up with before, but I've not broken up with someone. I'm not sure what to expect.