Indian Dating Scene Seems Toxic

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So as an Indian guy who has had many struggles trying to date i’ll share what I have found out. Indian girls don’t give a chance to guys who aren’t good looking, if you try to show them your personality you get cut off before you get a chance.

If you try to use Indian dating sites you HAVE to pay for them, unlike general apps like tinder which have great functionality for free.

That’s literally my experience, it’s horrible and I wish I didn’t have family pressure to find an Indian girl because most of them are stuck up (Not all, most). They also ranking you on materialistic things like money and social media followings to see if your worth there time.

I’m 21 and have failed up until this point and don’t see myself getting anywhere, as they don’t care that i’m a nice person. Just you don’t look pleasing and don’t have that many social media followers.

Can another other Indian guy relate?
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equinox72
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So as an Indian guy who has had many struggles trying to date i’ll share what I have found out. Indian girls don’t give a chance to guys who aren’t good looking, if you try to show them your personality you get cut off before you get a chance.

If you try to use Indian dating sites you HAVE to pay for them, unlike general apps like tinder which have great functionality for free.

That’s literally my experience, it’s horrible and I wish I didn’t have family pressure to find an Indian girl because most of them are stuck up (Not all, most). They also ranking you on materialistic things like money and social media followings to see if your worth there time.

I’m 21 and have failed up until this point and don’t see myself getting anywhere, as they don’t care that i’m a nice person. Just you don’t look pleasing and don’t have that many social media followers.

Can another other Indian guy relate?
Well, that's true but I think you should have found someone when you were in university and that's the best place because after that it's all confusing and most people don't have time I feel. Maybe it's not with the apps, its just that you aren't looking at the right place.
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Anonymous #2
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I feel due to rapid integration of cultures more and more indian/bengali girls are going for people of other ethnicities. Some ethnicities, for example caucasians I feel escalate things quickly from meeting to dating to you know what, so why would Indian girls wait for you? I have been to 3 weddings in the past year where the bride was Bengali/Indian and the groom was white.

If you think about it with less than 2-3%(?) of UK population being your target dating criteria, your chances are already slim and I would suggest to either keep looking or widen your net by going for black, or other ethnicities.

Another unpopular option could be you ask your parents to arrange for you to marry someone from within their known circle, but say you want to get engaged for the time being- this allows you to a) choose and go for girls above your rank b) you can find out a lot about her by dating her while she is your fiancè. It is not unheard of for people to break up engagement but divorce is frowned upon more. I am anonymous because this might get me villified.

But I agree with you on the fact that it's become harder to date desirable Indian girls.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel due to rapid integration of cultures more and more indian/bengali girls are going for people of other ethnicities. Some ethnicities, for example caucasians I feel escalate things quickly from meeting to dating to you know what, so why would Indian girls wait for you? I have been to 3 weddings in the past year where the bride was Bengali/Indian and the groom was white.

If you think about it with less than 2-3%(?) of UK population being your target dating criteria, your chances are already slim and I would suggest to either keep looking or widen your net by going for black, or other ethnicities.

Another unpopular option could be you ask your parents to arrange for you to marry someone from within their known circle, but say you want to get engaged for the time being- this allows you to a) choose and go for girls above your rank b) you can find out a lot about her by dating her while she is your fiancè. It is not unheard of for people to break up engagement but divorce is frowned upon more. I am anonymous because this might get me villified.

But I agree with you on the fact that it's become harder to date desirable Indian girls.
That bottom point looks good but I don’t really want to ask, I feel like i’m a bit of a failure if I do so.
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londonmyst
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I suppose it varies according to the type of girl, family traditions and attitudes about education/money/caste.
My best friend is a desi model; she has dated guys of different nationalities, racial and religious backgrounds.
Many guys are intimidated by her wealth or put off by her dairy allergy.
Most of her female actress and model friends refuse to date guys outside of their rather narrow comfort zone.
Usually connected to: nationality, educational background, caste, money and family political affiliation.
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asif007
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(Original post by equinox72)
Well, that's true but I think you should have found someone when you were in university and that's the best place because after that it's all confusing and most people don't have time I feel. Maybe it's not with the apps, its just that you aren't looking at the right place.
“Should have found someone at university”?

You do realise it’s not as easy as that for some of us. Going to university is no guarantee of finding a relationship, and I think it’s really naive of anyone to imply that it is. Dating is full of double standards wherever you go. Some people have no problems at all jumping from one relationship to another whereas others struggle for years and years just to get a first date with anyone. Pretty simple to see that it’s not as easy as you think it is.
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asif007
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So as an Indian guy who has had many struggles trying to date i’ll share what I have found out. Indian girls don’t give a chance to guys who aren’t good looking, if you try to show them your personality you get cut off before you get a chance.

If you try to use Indian dating sites you HAVE to pay for them, unlike general apps like tinder which have great functionality for free.

That’s literally my experience, it’s horrible and I wish I didn’t have family pressure to find an Indian girl because most of them are stuck up (Not all, most). They also ranking you on materialistic things like money and social media followings to see if your worth there time.

I’m 21 and have failed up until this point and don’t see myself getting anywhere, as they don’t care that i’m a nice person. Just you don’t look pleasing and don’t have that many social media followers.

Can another other Indian guy relate?
I can definitely relate. I’m a bit older than 21 but I’ve been through the grinder over the years when it comes to dating. I’m at the point where I’ve just given up and I barely talk to girls in person any more.

Having said that, you are only 21 and the best years for dating are still ahead of you. Don’t stress so much about it and don’t put pressure on yourself to find any old person as early as possible. Focus on yourself, your career, making money, making gains in the gym, buying property and luxury and everything you need to be able to provide a life for a woman. Your responsibility as a man is to first have a stable income and live independently before you can invite another person into your life. If for whatever reason you’re still struggling at that point, just close the door on it. Relationships aren’t the be all and end all of life.

I suggest you consider an arranged marriage if dating is still proving difficult for you in 10-15 years. Lots of girls out there might be having the same problem as you. If your family are well connected in the community then why not take advantage of that and see who they could introduce you to?
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Anonymous #3
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They have high standards. Maybe even very high standards however not all. The pretty ones go for the bad boys, looks.

They go for the bad boy or the guy that has something such as looks, social standing.

Not all of them will have high standards.

I know this because I'm an Indian guy who had 50/50 success only because I was attractive.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by asif007)
I can definitely relate. I’m a bit older than 21 but I’ve been through the grinder over the years when it comes to dating. I’m at the point where I’ve just given up and I barely talk to girls in person any more.

Having said that, you are only 21 and the best years for dating are still ahead of you. Don’t stress so much about it and don’t put pressure on yourself to find any old person as early as possible. Focus on yourself, your career, making money, making gains in the gym, buying property and luxury and everything you need to be able to provide a life for a woman. Your responsibility as a man is to first have a stable income and live independently before you can invite another person into your life. If for whatever reason you’re still struggling at that point, just close the door on it. Relationships aren’t the be all and end all of life.

I suggest you consider an arranged marriage if dating is still proving difficult for you in 10-15 years. Lots of girls out there might be having the same problem as you. If your family are well connected in the community then why not take advantage of that and see who they could introduce you to?
The reason i’m stressing so much is due to after Uni, I will barely come into contact with Indian girls of the same religion and age. So it will be 10 fold harder after that point and most Indians have the mentality to get set up in relationships as early as possible so most of them will already be in relationships. That’s why i’m so stressed about the situation.
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equinox72
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The reason i’m stressing so much is due to after Uni, I will barely come into contact with Indian girls of the same religion and age. So it will be 10 fold harder after that point and most Indians have the mentality to get set up in relationships as early as possible so most of them will already be in relationships. That’s why i’m so stressed about the situation.
Exactly!
why aren't you in contact?
maybe that's why its hard to find someone, you always have to keep your connections alive, because networking plays a very important role in dating and social life of a human being. Clearly without putting a little effort into finding someone, where they have to be found, won't get you anywhere.
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equinox72
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(Original post by asif007)
“Should have found someone at university”?

You do realise it’s not as easy as that for some of us. Going to university is no guarantee of finding a relationship, and I think it’s really naive of anyone to imply that it is. Dating is full of double standards wherever you go. Some people have no problems at all jumping from one relationship to another whereas others struggle for years and years just to get a first date with anyone. Pretty simple to see that it’s not as easy as you think it is.
you can only relate to that if you're from India, things are different here and even if you are an Indian, the university is the best place, because apps like tinder don't work as smoothly as in other countries. and if there is any hope it is from a gathering or a group of people hanging out somewhere and where do you find that?
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University
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Anonymous #4
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The dating scene is hard in india even for girls, because what u claim that the girls do is what some guys also do. But its not about looks anymore personality also has a great impact if u ask me. girls also consider as failures because the dont find a decent guy. all i would say is dating pool is weird in here and mostly people opt fun over commitment.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by equinox72)
Exactly!
why aren't you in contact?
maybe that's why its hard to find someone, you always have to keep your connections alive, because networking plays a very important role in dating and social life of a human being. Clearly without putting a little effort into finding someone, where they have to be found, won't get you anywhere.
Even in University it’s hard, idk why but it seems like there are way more indian guys than girls. Even when you find someone to talk to they just ignore your texts or pull faces if you seen them in real life. But this never happens to me with other races, they are open to get to know you at least instead of just shutting you down. This is probably why so many Indians get arranged marriages because they have super high requirements and only a small amount of guys meet all those requires as one of them is always genetic as it’s to do with looks.
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asif007
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(Original post by equinox72)
you can only relate to that if you're from India, things are different here and even if you are an Indian, the university is the best place, because apps like tinder don't work as smoothly as in other countries. and if there is any hope it is from a gathering or a group of people hanging out somewhere and where do you find that?
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University
I don’t dispute that it’s easier to find relationships at uni. University IS the best place for it, and lots of people do find them. But not everyone. I went to a place for 5 years where I always felt like an outsider, never fit in and could barely find anyone who shared my interests. I kept in touch with no one when I left. Where I am now, I meet a lot of postgraduates who also never found anyone for various reasons. For everyone that does find a relationship at uni, there are hundreds more who don’t. Uni isn’t some miracle automatic passage to finding a relationship. Unless you’re a two-faced Muslim guy who constantly surrounds themselves with girls but won’t say a word to other guys. Those are the kind of people with their priorities upside down: you should be going to uni to study, regardless of whether you find a relationship or not.

How does being Indian have anything to do with it?
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ThatOldGuy
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(Original post by asif007)

How does being Indian have anything to do with it?
i have a few friends who are Indian and I gotta say that their relationship stories are scary: Parents who don't want you to date outside your ethnicity/caste/religion, extended family all getting involved. It's a cultural thing - One not shared by every culture. There are parts of his experience I haven't heard, but everyone's unique.

To the OP, I get it. But don't worry if you ask your parents to arrange something because that ain't a failure. Failure is being too terrified to try something new if what you're doing isn't working.
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