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Also I just sent Alex a voice message to reassure him a bit and update him on my life (he asked how I was doing) (tbh I felt silly talking about my own struggles when his situation is so much worse) and I accidentally said 'I love you' at the end without thinking I'm clearly doing a great job at this not together thing

What’s happening is really complicated
Ordinarily I would tell you my advice would be cut him off.
Part of me thinks that’s still right.
The compassionate part of me understands what you’re doing.
If you’re going to slip up with messages you’re not helping anyone so why not reply by text. That way you can edit before you send. Until you’re stronger
Distract yourself with study today and try not to wallow
Take care

Thank you, I guess you're right. I still want to be there for him though

You absolutely can be. But not if it’s with the aim of restarting your relationship. That should not be a priority right now. Saying I love you confuses you both, doesn’t let you heal and go forward.
You both need to get better.

Alex and I just called

He's feeling better this morning and told me he wants to sit his exams, because it'll give him something to do and he's studied for them anyway, so he's trying to get his laptop back. Idk if it's a great idea but it does show his determination to get his life back together

They're going to do another covid test on him today and if he tests negative he's allowed to eat and 'hang out' with other patients. He was also told he won't get a proper assessment as long as he still has the virus, because there's a physical health check aspect to it as well or whatever and they just want to minimise risk, so that was a bit of a letdown, he definitely won't be out of there by tomorrow I'm afraid

He also apologised over and over again for what happened on Friday, he's realised he crossed a line and he understands why we can't get back together if he doesn't change some things, and he also gets that he has to get better for himself, because if he does it for me he's still emotionally dependent. I'm so glad he's looking at things rationally and he sees how and why our relationship was unhealthy

Breakfast was actually nice!

He asked me not to tell his mum about all this but he did say he's going to tell some friends today, because part of his recovery process will be building a better emotional support network where he lets people in who aren't me

So on the whole I'm incredibly proud of him

I'm just a bit worried that maybe it's not right for us to talk this much? We split up! The phone call was really friendly dw, neither of us said anything couple-y, but still... Maybe it's healthier for both of us to put some distance there?

Alex and I just called

He's feeling better this morning and told me he wants to sit his exams, because it'll give him something to do and he's studied for them anyway, so he's trying to get his laptop back. Idk if it's a great idea but it does show his determination to get his life back together

They're going to do another covid test on him today and if he tests negative he's allowed to eat and 'hang out' with other patients. He was also told he won't get a proper assessment as long as he still has the virus, because there's a physical health check aspect to it as well or whatever and they just want to minimise risk, so that was a bit of a letdown, he definitely won't be out of there by tomorrow I'm afraid

He also apologised over and over again for what happened on Friday, he's realised he crossed a line and he understands why we can't get back together if he doesn't change some things, and he also gets that he has to get better for himself, because if he does it for me he's still emotionally dependent. I'm so glad he's looking at things rationally and he sees how and why our relationship was unhealthy

Breakfast was actually nice!

He asked me not to tell his mum about all this but he did say he's going to tell some friends today, because part of his recovery process will be building a better emotional support network where he lets people in who aren't me

So on the whole I'm incredibly proud of him

I'm just a bit worried that maybe it's not right for us to talk this much? We split up! The phone call was really friendly dw, neither of us said anything couple-y, but still... Maybe it's healthier for both of us to put some distance there?

There's so much in here to be positive about - Alex is thinking rationally, he wants to rebuild his life, and he realises that the way things were, you and him had an unhealthy relationship as it stood (towards the end I'd say rather than throughout). There are mates I speak to everyday and so it's natural for friends to do that. However, there are a few notes of caution here I think it's important to raise. Alex is feeling like this now, but also remember that he was struggling at 4am this morning. What I think you need to be careful of is pinning your hopes to all the positive times and interactions and then kinda omitting the negative ones. It's going to be a long process and while you're concerned about putting that distance there to allow Alex to recover, you also need to ensure that you're not so focused on Alex that you ignore your own need to process what has happened and thus to recover yourself.

Alex is making all the right choices here and taking the right steps - my advice would be to support him in those steps, but not to get overly tangled up in every negative and positive change. What then happens is that you go back to a situation where you're unhealthily dependent on one another whereas it's important that you encourage Alex to seek that emotional independence he needs.

he'll definitely be better and he's in the best place to heal keep revising and try not to wallow too much

You're right, thank you so much. I hate how optimistic I'm being I really shouldn't be getting my hopes up that he'll have a speedy and smooth recovery and we'll get back together

It's true I've got to focus on myself right now so I've decided to put some space there, I'll still support Alex but I won't be on standby all day in case he needs me, like I've been doing. I just went an hour without going on my phone and social media, and I'm going to try and do two hours now. I need to learn that I can't always be there for Alex, and he needs to learn that I won't be there whenever he needs me. He's in good hands

Thank you I know he's in the best place and I know it's important for me to focus on myself, but it's hard

So have you two decided to break it off until he is better or just completely break up? Yes the putting the phone away is a very good idea. Proud of you both😊

We've completely broken up because it's important he focuses on his own recovery and gets better for himself, rather than for me. That said we do still want to be friends and I do think there's a possibility of us getting back together at some point in the future. I managed to put my phone away but now I'm just on fb on my laptop This is hard

Ah that's fair enough. If you don't need your laptop to revise then put it away too. I don't want to see you on here until after 1pm

Haha, okay, chief

Bye bye 😂

I failed its too hard

Then we'll try again - you don't give up on people, so we're not giving up on you.

I failed its too hard

I've also crawled back into bed and I'm crying again, no revision has happened I hate having feelings

I've also crawled back into bed and I'm crying again, no revision has happened I hate having feelings