Need to get this off my chest

Alright so 4 nearly 5 months ago something happened which I am both embarassed and ashamed of. I don't even know why I'm bothering with this as it happened a while ago and I know even by writing here nothing will change. So I'm 17 and I knew this girl, who I at least thought was 13, although initally I thought she was about 14 when I was 16. at my school we have like a centre for people like myself who struggle with things, usually depression, anxiety, a whole mix of things. its different year groups and i knew her from there. we were quite friendly, i thought she was attractive but then found out the age difference and felt uncomfortable so i stopped thinking about her like that. during lockdown, I can't even remember how, we started talking casually online. I admitted to her I had feelings for her, she said she knew. I didn't really want to take it any further tbh I just wanted to be honest with her. Again, I can't remember a great deal much but I think a month or so later she then messsaged me, basically asking me out. I was confused. My head was in a mess at the time. I was on one hand flattered becaues I'd never seen a girl express any interest in me but at the same time I knew it was wrong, especially when she started asking me "what i would do with her", which is when I realised the type of relationship she was trying to pursue would not be appropriate at all, despite her suggesting that it was legal, and apparently she was actually still a month of being 13 or somethign which makes me feel even worse. I regret ever telling her I foudn her attractive. It makes me feel a bit depraved in a way, like I'm a nonce or something. Maybe this incident does but I don't think I should let it define me. I'm not sure. I dropped contact with her after that. She did seem older than me when I talked to her adn she said she had boyfriends who were much older, and then it maybe dawned on me that the way she was talking - I think she maybe had a problem with something like that because it seemed totally inappropriate. This will probably get taken down. I just wanted to write it down. Looking back in hindsight, I don't even know why I ever talked to her in the first place. I guess it was a combination of my insecurity with women and me being pretty lonely. I ended up with a girlfriend a while later, although it didn't last. Say what you want, I'm not really looking for empathy or whatever. I acknowledge it was wrong and misguided of me to perhaps see her in that light, even if I did think she was older than she was. I've never had an attraction for anyone else really in that age group, my ex was 15 and I don't think I'd go any lower than that especially now I'm 17, nearly 18. I'm not sure how to feel about the whole thing, never mind what to do. I guess I'm just going to try and accept the wrong, and move on.

Reply 1

Alaska215

15

I think your totally overreacting I mean it’s not like you have done ANYTHING wrong at all. I mean you have not engaged in any sexual behaviour whatsoever. It seems like she’s quite mature for her age and a little bit manipulative. You realised what you would have been doing next was going to be wrong so you stopped. I honestly don’t know what the big deal is. Take a deep breath and understand you are not at fault here and then move on with your life!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Alaska215

I think your totally overreacting I mean it’s not like you have done ANYTHING wrong at all. I mean you have not engaged in any sexual behaviour whatsoever. It seems like she’s quite mature for her age and a little bit manipulative. You realised what you would have been doing next was going to be wrong so you stopped. I honestly don’t know what the big deal is. Take a deep breath and understand you are not at fault here and then move on with your life!

Thanks, that helps. Maybe I am overreacting I do have a tendency to overthink things. The whole thing still makes me feel uncomfortable. Looking back I should have seen she had gone for much older guys as I remember her saying how other older boys like how she danced with some guy last time who even bought drinks for her as he though she was much older. I think I'm gonna try and stop beating myself up about it

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, that helps. Maybe I am overreacting I do have a tendency to overthink things. The whole thing still makes me feel uncomfortable. Looking back I should have seen she had gone for much older guys as I remember her saying how other older boys like how she danced with some guy last time who even bought drinks for her as he though she was much older. I think I'm gonna try and stop beating myself up about it

I think the other thing that made me initally think she was older - I thiufht she was about 14, then I realised or at least thought she was 13 and I did admittedly talk to her thinking that - was she was physically quite developed for her age and she even told me other people thought she was much older. The age difference there made me feel bad but when I found out she might have actually been a little under 13 like 12 ish that made me feel even worse. If I'd have known that off the offset lol.

Reply 4

Foxehh

21

Tell her you feel it would be inappropriate to pursue a relationship at this age.

Reply 5

mel1morley

13

You haven't done anything wrong as far as I'm concerned. You did not pursue the relationship any further upon learning her true age, so nothing inappropriate happened in my opinion, it seems to me as if you both had other things going on at the time (mental health etc.) and perhaps neither of you were truly prepared for a relationship at the time. Well done for sharing, and try not to beat yourself up about it! :h: