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Relationship Advice

I've (25 years) been dating a boy three years older than me (28 years) for a year. This is my 1st affair and his third. we went through talking, and touched each other like hands, and shoulders throughout this year step by step and now he always keeps kissing me all the time while we are traveling and talking at other times we are eating or at the park. While traveling, once I was wearing a crop top and he touched my chest area (on the shirt not from inside) and kissed my upper chest also. after that, he tried to kiss my lips twice. He did not ask me to do that prior and he did them instantly. After we met 2 or three times he never did that again, but touched my chest area and kissed me always. (Because of shyness and fear till now I have not kissed him, although he asks to do so). I give him excuses and would like to do so, but I keep affectionate to him anyway. I want to know if this touching and kissing habit is a normal thing for a boyfriend or if is he doing some sexual assault on me. I can not ask this firm directly, cause he defends him and can not ask from any other. please tell me your opinion. (p.s - he is not an uneducated or immature person, he is an engineer and I am also an engineering student).
Original post by Jelly00
I've (25 years) been dating a boy three years older than me (28 years) for a year. This is my 1st affair and his third. we went through talking, and touched each other like hands, and shoulders throughout this year step by step and now he always keeps kissing me all the time while we are traveling and talking at other times we are eating or at the park. While traveling, once I was wearing a crop top and he touched my chest area (on the shirt not from inside) and kissed my upper chest also. after that, he tried to kiss my lips twice. He did not ask me to do that prior and he did them instantly. After we met 2 or three times he never did that again, but touched my chest area and kissed me always. (Because of shyness and fear till now I have not kissed him, although he asks to do so). I give him excuses and would like to do so, but I keep affectionate to him anyway. I want to know if this touching and kissing habit is a normal thing for a boyfriend or if is he doing some sexual assault on me. I can not ask this firm directly, cause he defends him and can not ask from any other. please tell me your opinion. (p.s - he is not an uneducated or immature person, he is an engineer and I am also an engineering student).


Did you give him consent in order for him to touch you? Like on the upper chest or kiss you on the chest. Without consent or for example let’s say you took his hand in order for you to flirtatiously and sexually kiss then that’s sexual assault. This touching and kissing thing completely normal if by 1. Comfort and 2. Consent. A lip to lip kissing normal in a relationship.

But from the sounds and what you’ve written I think that’s sexual assault.
(edited 2 months ago)
Original post by Jelly00
I've (25 years) been dating a boy three years older than me (28 years) for a year. This is my 1st affair and his third. we went through talking, and touched each other like hands, and shoulders throughout this year step by step and now he always keeps kissing me all the time while we are traveling and talking at other times we are eating or at the park. While traveling, once I was wearing a crop top and he touched my chest area (on the shirt not from inside) and kissed my upper chest also. after that, he tried to kiss my lips twice. He did not ask me to do that prior and he did them instantly. After we met 2 or three times he never did that again, but touched my chest area and kissed me always. (Because of shyness and fear till now I have not kissed him, although he asks to do so). I give him excuses and would like to do so, but I keep affectionate to him anyway. I want to know if this touching and kissing habit is a normal thing for a boyfriend or if is he doing some sexual assault on me. I can not ask this firm directly, cause he defends him and can not ask from any other. please tell me your opinion. (p.s - he is not an uneducated or immature person, he is an engineer and I am also an engineering student).

I agree with the comment above, as you need to understand yourself - do you feel comfortable about this?
Moreover, this could be his way of affection/love language; However you need to consider and understand your boundaries with him as one day he could go too far...

I wish you all the best!! Goodluck :smile:
Reply 3
"I can not ask this firm directly, cause he defends him..."

There's going to be a level of expectation about showing affection and intimacy in a relationship; do you realistically expect your boyfriend to stop and ask if he can kiss you if you are walking down a street hand-in-hand? However, if you can't discuss with your boyfriend about boundaries and what you are comfortable with, there are more problems than you've described here. Have a conversation with him
Reply 4
Original post by Mohammed_2000
Did you give him consent in order for him to touch you? Like on the upper chest or kiss you on the chest. Without consent or for example let’s say you took his hand in order for you to flirtatiously and sexually kiss then that’s sexual assault. This touching and kissing thing completely normal if by 1. Comfort and 2. Consent. A lip to lip kissing normal in a relationship.
But from the sounds and what you’ve written I think that’s sexual assault.

Thanks for your reply 🙂 . I am okay with him touching me. But I think he should ask me before doing that as that is my private part. While we talking he indeed puts his hands around my neck or on the shoulder or the waist. At those times he unintentionally touches my chest anyways. But the moment I mentioned here was unexpected and it seemed he was not under his control. When he tried to kiss me, I refused both times. But on that day, after I went to my hostel, I said nothing about touching and he said sorry as he thought he behaved inappropriately and made me uncomfortable. I don't want to be sexually harmed but need to be affectionate with my boyfriend, so I need to know every boyfriend does these things to their girlfriends, that's why I asked this question. But after that day whenever we meet he touches my chest area, but he shows me he does it unintentionally, like while he kissing me or talking with me.
Reply 5
Original post by jelllyfiiish
I agree with the comment above, as you need to understand yourself - do you feel comfortable about this?
Moreover, this could be his way of affection/love language; However you need to consider and understand your boundaries with him as one day he could go too far...
I wish you all the best!! Goodluck :smile:

Thanks for your reply 🙂 . I am okay with him touching me. But I think he should ask me before doing that as that is my private part. While we talking he indeed puts his hands around my neck or on the shoulder or the waist. At those times he unintentionally touches my chest anyways. But the moment I mentioned here was unexpected and it seemed he was not under his control. When he tried to kiss me, I refused both times. But on that day, after I went to my hostel, I said nothing about touching and he said sorry as he thought he behaved inappropriately and made me uncomfortable. I don't want to be sexually harmed but need to be affectionate with my boyfriend, so I need to know every boyfriend does these things to their girlfriends, that's why I asked this question. But after that day whenever we meet he touches my chest area, but he shows me he does it unintentionally, like while he kissing me or talking with me.
Reply 6
Original post by Surnia
"I can not ask this firm directly, cause he defends him..."
There's going to be a level of expectation about showing affection and intimacy in a relationship; do you realistically expect your boyfriend to stop and ask if he can kiss you if you are walking down a street hand-in-hand? However, if you can't discuss with your boyfriend about boundaries and what you are comfortable with, there are more problems than you've described here. Have a conversation with him

Thanks for your reply 🙂 . I am okay with him touching me. But I think he should ask me before doing that as that is my private part. While we talking he indeed puts his hands around my neck or on the shoulder or the waist. At those times he unintentionally touches my chest anyways. But the moment I mentioned here was unexpected and it seemed he was not under his control. When he tried to kiss me, I refused both times. But on that day, after I went to my hostel, I said nothing about touching and he said sorry as he thought he behaved inappropriately and made me uncomfortable. I don't want to be sexually harmed but need to be affectionate with my boyfriend, so I need to know every boyfriend does these things to their girlfriends, that's why I asked this question. But after that day whenever we meet he touches my chest area, but he shows me he does it unintentionally, like while he kissing me or talking with me.
Original post by Jelly00
Thanks for your reply 🙂 . I am okay with him touching me. But I think he should ask me before doing that as that is my private part. While we talking he indeed puts his hands around my neck or on the shoulder or the waist. At those times he unintentionally touches my chest anyways. But the moment I mentioned here was unexpected and it seemed he was not under his control. When he tried to kiss me, I refused both times. But on that day, after I went to my hostel, I said nothing about touching and he said sorry as he thought he behaved inappropriately and made me uncomfortable. I don't want to be sexually harmed but need to be affectionate with my boyfriend, so I need to know every boyfriend does these things to their girlfriends, that's why I asked this question. But after that day whenever we meet he touches my chest area, but he shows me he does it unintentionally, like while he kissing me or talking with me.


I personally think your getting sexually harassed okay him touching you on your private part your sensitive area, does it not like make you shy or blush but wrongly or forcefully. When you guys talk is this like sat down or one on top of the other lap. Why does he touch your chest. No being sexual and only sexual is when consent and comfort there.
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Jelly00
Thanks for your reply 🙂 . I am okay with him touching me. But I think he should ask me before doing that as that is my private part. While we talking he indeed puts his hands around my neck or on the shoulder or the waist. At those times he unintentionally touches my chest anyways. But the moment I mentioned here was unexpected and it seemed he was not under his control. When he tried to kiss me, I refused both times. But on that day, after I went to my hostel, I said nothing about touching and he said sorry as he thought he behaved inappropriately and made me uncomfortable. I don't want to be sexually harmed but need to be affectionate with my boyfriend, so I need to know every boyfriend does these things to their girlfriends, that's why I asked this question. But after that day whenever we meet he touches my chest area, but he shows me he does it unintentionally, like while he kissing me or talking with me.

I think he understands what he's doing wrong but doesn't correct his behaviour (like he's not trying hard to change his harassment towards you even after he apologises). I agree with you and perhaps talk about how you want him to ask for consent before touching you like that.

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