Got myself into a situation and now I don't know what to do PLEASE HELP
Hi guys, I need a bit of advice. I'm sorry this might be a long one but ill keep it as short as possible.
So basically there is this girl I really like at uni and she lives in the same halls as me (I'm also a girl btw and she also is a lesbian
) Anyway the other night she came over to watch orange is the new black with me because I had never seen it before - and yes, I know I'm late to the party lmao
Last night I invited her over to watch it again with me and she couldn't because she had just got back from rugby practice and it was late so I said "aw okay maybe another time!" She responded with "I'll ask the girls when they're free next" - as in asking the girls in her flat. I was so confused because I made it clear to her that I just wanted it to be us two so I responded with "Oh I was meaning just us two lol"
She then replied asking why and I said as a joke "well there isn't enough room for all 5 of us on my bed lmao" and then "In all seriousness though I just really liked spending time with just you the other night and would like to do it again" and she asked why again and at this point, I was getting a bit frustrated because it was obvious what I was trying to say.
I then said "I just want to start spending a bit more time where it's just the two of us" and she said, "In what context?" I was even more confused here because it was so OBVIOUS what context! She knew exactly what I was saying lmao so that's what I said "I think you know what context x"
She then responded with "CONFUSED!!! What context are you talking about?" At this point, I felt so backed into a corner. What do I even say to that? I felt like she knew what I was trying to say but it was like she wanted me to literally spell it out.
So finally I responded with "In a more than friends kind of context"
After a while, she responded with "I'm really taken back by that. I value our friendship too much and I can't see it becoming more than that tbh"
Now here's where I'm confused tbh. I was very openly flirting with her. It was becoming more and more apparent what I was trying to get at the longer the conversation went on (which was for about an hour) yet she apparently didn't get until I literally told her. But she isn't stupid and she's had girlfriends before. I'm certain she knew what I was trying to say the whole conversation and my flatmate who I was with even told me that she would have known straight away what I was doing.
But now I feel so embarrassed and like a right idiot and now I don't know what to do. I didn't want to come straight out and tell her I liked her but I felt so backed into a corner and like I had no other choice. I just need some advice on this situation, maybe some insight into what it all sounds like from an outside perspective, and maybe what I should do now cause I feel a bit sh*t about it all lol.
If you read this far, thank you so much and I give you virtual hugs <3
So basically there is this girl I really like at uni and she lives in the same halls as me (I'm also a girl btw and she also is a lesbian
) Anyway the other night she came over to watch orange is the new black with me because I had never seen it before - and yes, I know I'm late to the party lmaoLast night I invited her over to watch it again with me and she couldn't because she had just got back from rugby practice and it was late so I said "aw okay maybe another time!" She responded with "I'll ask the girls when they're free next" - as in asking the girls in her flat. I was so confused because I made it clear to her that I just wanted it to be us two so I responded with "Oh I was meaning just us two lol"
She then replied asking why and I said as a joke "well there isn't enough room for all 5 of us on my bed lmao" and then "In all seriousness though I just really liked spending time with just you the other night and would like to do it again" and she asked why again and at this point, I was getting a bit frustrated because it was obvious what I was trying to say.
I then said "I just want to start spending a bit more time where it's just the two of us" and she said, "In what context?" I was even more confused here because it was so OBVIOUS what context! She knew exactly what I was saying lmao so that's what I said "I think you know what context x"
She then responded with "CONFUSED!!! What context are you talking about?" At this point, I felt so backed into a corner. What do I even say to that? I felt like she knew what I was trying to say but it was like she wanted me to literally spell it out.
So finally I responded with "In a more than friends kind of context"
After a while, she responded with "I'm really taken back by that. I value our friendship too much and I can't see it becoming more than that tbh"
Now here's where I'm confused tbh. I was very openly flirting with her. It was becoming more and more apparent what I was trying to get at the longer the conversation went on (which was for about an hour) yet she apparently didn't get until I literally told her. But she isn't stupid and she's had girlfriends before. I'm certain she knew what I was trying to say the whole conversation and my flatmate who I was with even told me that she would have known straight away what I was doing.
But now I feel so embarrassed and like a right idiot and now I don't know what to do. I didn't want to come straight out and tell her I liked her but I felt so backed into a corner and like I had no other choice. I just need some advice on this situation, maybe some insight into what it all sounds like from an outside perspective, and maybe what I should do now cause I feel a bit sh*t about it all lol.
If you read this far, thank you so much and I give you virtual hugs <3
I’m really sorry this happened - you seem like a queen. Honestly, if she made you feel that way then she’s not worth your time. Something about the way that she clearly didn’t pick up on it (intentionally or unintentionally) seems a bit off
Just going to bump this as I still need advice aha
Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys, I need a bit of advice. I'm sorry this might be a long one but ill keep it as short as possible.
So basically there is this girl I really like at uni and she lives in the same halls as me (I'm also a girl btw and she also is a lesbian ) Anyway the other night she came over to watch orange is the new black with me because I had never seen it before - and yes, I know I'm late to the party lmao
Last night I invited her over to watch it again with me and she couldn't because she had just got back from rugby practice and it was late so I said "aw okay maybe another time!" She responded with "I'll ask the girls when they're free next" - as in asking the girls in her flat. I was so confused because I made it clear to her that I just wanted it to be us two so I responded with "Oh I was meaning just us two lol"
She then replied asking why and I said as a joke "well there isn't enough room for all 5 of us on my bed lmao" and then "In all seriousness though I just really liked spending time with just you the other night and would like to do it again" and she asked why again and at this point, I was getting a bit frustrated because it was obvious what I was trying to say.
I then said "I just want to start spending a bit more time where it's just the two of us" and she said, "In what context?" I was even more confused here because it was so OBVIOUS what context! She knew exactly what I was saying lmao so that's what I said "I think you know what context x"
She then responded with "CONFUSED!!! What context are you talking about?" At this point, I felt so backed into a corner. What do I even say to that? I felt like she knew what I was trying to say but it was like she wanted me to literally spell it out.
So finally I responded with "In a more than friends kind of context"
After a while, she responded with "I'm really taken back by that. I value our friendship too much and I can't see it becoming more than that tbh"
Now here's where I'm confused tbh. I was very openly flirting with her. It was becoming more and more apparent what I was trying to get at the longer the conversation went on (which was for about an hour) yet she apparently didn't get until I literally told her. But she isn't stupid and she's had girlfriends before. I'm certain she knew what I was trying to say the whole conversation and my flatmate who I was with even told me that she would have known straight away what I was doing.
But now I feel so embarrassed and like a right idiot and now I don't know what to do. I didn't want to come straight out and tell her I liked her but I felt so backed into a corner and like I had no other choice. I just need some advice on this situation, maybe some insight into what it all sounds like from an outside perspective, and maybe what I should do now cause I feel a bit sh*t about it all lol.
If you read this far, thank you so much and I give you virtual hugs <3
So basically there is this girl I really like at uni and she lives in the same halls as me (I'm also a girl btw and she also is a lesbian
) Anyway the other night she came over to watch orange is the new black with me because I had never seen it before - and yes, I know I'm late to the party lmaoLast night I invited her over to watch it again with me and she couldn't because she had just got back from rugby practice and it was late so I said "aw okay maybe another time!" She responded with "I'll ask the girls when they're free next" - as in asking the girls in her flat. I was so confused because I made it clear to her that I just wanted it to be us two so I responded with "Oh I was meaning just us two lol"
She then replied asking why and I said as a joke "well there isn't enough room for all 5 of us on my bed lmao" and then "In all seriousness though I just really liked spending time with just you the other night and would like to do it again" and she asked why again and at this point, I was getting a bit frustrated because it was obvious what I was trying to say.
I then said "I just want to start spending a bit more time where it's just the two of us" and she said, "In what context?" I was even more confused here because it was so OBVIOUS what context! She knew exactly what I was saying lmao so that's what I said "I think you know what context x"
She then responded with "CONFUSED!!! What context are you talking about?" At this point, I felt so backed into a corner. What do I even say to that? I felt like she knew what I was trying to say but it was like she wanted me to literally spell it out.
So finally I responded with "In a more than friends kind of context"
After a while, she responded with "I'm really taken back by that. I value our friendship too much and I can't see it becoming more than that tbh"
Now here's where I'm confused tbh. I was very openly flirting with her. It was becoming more and more apparent what I was trying to get at the longer the conversation went on (which was for about an hour) yet she apparently didn't get until I literally told her. But she isn't stupid and she's had girlfriends before. I'm certain she knew what I was trying to say the whole conversation and my flatmate who I was with even told me that she would have known straight away what I was doing.
But now I feel so embarrassed and like a right idiot and now I don't know what to do. I didn't want to come straight out and tell her I liked her but I felt so backed into a corner and like I had no other choice. I just need some advice on this situation, maybe some insight into what it all sounds like from an outside perspective, and maybe what I should do now cause I feel a bit sh*t about it all lol.
If you read this far, thank you so much and I give you virtual hugs <3
Well either she genuinely didn't realise you were flirting (any chance she thought you were straight?), or alternatively she's the kind of person who likes the attention of people saying they like her. Let's hope it's the first.
You sound like you did absolutely everything right - you were honest without being pushy. Not everyone can read your mind, there's nothing wrong with saying what you want when you like someone - that's better than missing out. And to be fair she responded well in the circumstances. Focus on the nice part of 'I value our friendship', take the rest of it on the chin and move on. Just step back a bit with this girl for now.
It sounds like she was so desperately hoping that you were not going to say you were romantically interested in her that she was in denial. In future, it is better to be direct than drag the conversation out for an hour like that.
It's unfortunate that she doesn't feel the same, but there are plenty more people out there!
It's unfortunate that she doesn't feel the same, but there are plenty more people out there!
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really sorry this happened - you seem like a queen. Honestly, if she made you feel that way then she’s not worth your time. Something about the way that she clearly didn’t pick up on it (intentionally or unintentionally) seems a bit off
To be fair some people just dislike elusive subtle 'hints' like this that give the other person plausible deniability in case they change their mind. Perhaps they just had bad experiences of being bullsh/tted around and strung along. I think most people will find that relatable, some just more than others.
P.S. none of my comment is directed at the OP. You did nothing wrong.
My opinion on people who 'friendzone' in this way is that they're probably not looking for a serious relationship anyway so they know it wouldn't work out and don't want it to ruin the friendship as a result. Either that or they simply don't find the other person attractive/compatible enough for a proper relationship.
Then, like someone else sort of said, there are some people who just enjoy being ostentatious to attract this type of attention, then play around with it, just to reject others. It makes them feel more 'desirable' to receive that kind of attention, and even more desireable to be in a position where they can just casually reject people as harshly as they feel like in the moment. It is motivated by them trying to supplement their low self-esteem by manipulating other people this way. Other behaviors that often occur alongside this:
- Casual sex with no regard or empathy for other people developing an attachment to them.
- Ghosting (following the above point) with no explanation.
- Disproportionate propensity for hooking up with people who are already in relationships. Not necessarily because they want the same relationship for themselves, but because it makes them feel like they're 'better' than the 'competition' (that is the existing partner of the person they're hooking up with).
This will be about 1/5 or so people. More like 2/5 people if you date online, or maybe even higher. It's the perfect platform to get away with screwing other people around without any of the repercussions that exist in ordinary social contexts where there are family members involved, mutual friends, classmates, work colleagues, etc.
(edited 2 years ago)
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