Relationships as a police officer
I am a serving police officer and have been serving for 3 years. I’m currently 22.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
Scroll to see replies
Media representation of police (particularly in the US) is responsible for many people avoiding police officers when dating. Someone has to do the role, and you seem like someone who is proud and fulfilled. If they are okay with getting to know you but have a problem with your job, you’re not really responsible.
If you keep looking for someone and presenting yourself as an honest person, perhaps you’ll find someone on the app who’ll look past it. If not, try a different app or start looking for people in places you frequently visit.
If you keep looking for someone and presenting yourself as an honest person, perhaps you’ll find someone on the app who’ll look past it. If not, try a different app or start looking for people in places you frequently visit.
Original post by Anonymous
I am a serving police officer and have been serving for 3 years. I’m currently 22.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
it's not just hating on police officers and the possible threat of being a 'bad apple'.
It's also probably the feeling of being watched by an 'official', or the force that you have to use on a daily basis.
(edited 1 year ago)
Probably because being a police officer is a stressful, intensive, dangerous, often unpredicable job with long hours and restricted internal earning potential (excluding the most senior positions).
Some people have criminal histories, habits or seriously criminal pals- thus try to avoid law enforcement officials or hate them with immense vitriol and violence.
While others believe that most/all police officers who are not asexual have affairs with their coworkers or other professionals that they work closely with on lots of cases.
A few view police officers as the adult equivalents of 'school prefect' & 'teachers pet' and get sexually turned off by these types of perceptions.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people who find police officers very sexually attractive and fantasise incessantly about handcuffs & police uniforms.
Good luck!
Some people have criminal histories, habits or seriously criminal pals- thus try to avoid law enforcement officials or hate them with immense vitriol and violence.
While others believe that most/all police officers who are not asexual have affairs with their coworkers or other professionals that they work closely with on lots of cases.
A few view police officers as the adult equivalents of 'school prefect' & 'teachers pet' and get sexually turned off by these types of perceptions.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people who find police officers very sexually attractive and fantasise incessantly about handcuffs & police uniforms.
Good luck!
Original post by SagaciousSag
Media representation of police (particularly in the US) is responsible for many people avoiding police officers when dating. Someone has to do the role, and you seem like someone who is proud and fulfilled. If they are okay with getting to know you but have a problem with your job, you’re not really responsible.
If you keep looking for someone and presenting yourself as an honest person, perhaps you’ll find someone on the app who’ll look past it. If not, try a different app or start looking for people in places you frequently visit.
If you keep looking for someone and presenting yourself as an honest person, perhaps you’ll find someone on the app who’ll look past it. If not, try a different app or start looking for people in places you frequently visit.
Thanks mate.
Original post by londonmyst
Probably because being a police officer is a stressful, intensive, dangerous, often unpredicable job with long hours and restricted internal earning potential (excluding the most senior positions).
Some people have criminal histories, habits or seriously criminal pals- thus try to avoid law enforcement officials or hate them with immense vitriol and violence.
While others believe that most/all police officers who are not asexual have affairs with their coworkers or other professionals that they work closely with on lots of cases.
A few view police officers as the adult equivalents of 'school prefect' & 'teachers pet' and get sexually turned off by these types of perceptions.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people who find police officers very sexually attractive and fantasise incessantly about handcuffs & police uniforms.
Good luck!
Some people have criminal histories, habits or seriously criminal pals- thus try to avoid law enforcement officials or hate them with immense vitriol and violence.
While others believe that most/all police officers who are not asexual have affairs with their coworkers or other professionals that they work closely with on lots of cases.
A few view police officers as the adult equivalents of 'school prefect' & 'teachers pet' and get sexually turned off by these types of perceptions.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people who find police officers very sexually attractive and fantasise incessantly about handcuffs & police uniforms.
Good luck!
Thanks mate. Funny enough, the stereotype of police officers being ‘school perfect’ is actually a misconception. Most officers I know in my area had a bumpy past before joining the force. However, a lot of officers working in posh populated areas fit that exact stereotype.
Original post by Zarek
Not everyone is anti police, although it must be said the profession hasn’t been getting the best of publicity of late. I think most police officers manage to find a partner so keep at it
Most officers within England end up in relationships with people from the force which lead to a divorce 80% of the time, haha. Hence why I’m trying to avoid a relationship within the force.
Original post by Anonymous
I am a serving police officer and have been serving for 3 years. I’m currently 22.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
Its honestly the stereotype against police officers.
Most women or men in fact may feel a bit frightened or uncomfortable knowing they are in a relationship with someone in that field. Its quite childish, but they probably may think that you would judge them a certain way or may not agree with their certain actions due to the rules you guys follow on a daily basis.
Although its just a stereotype, and I’m pretty sure many individuals don’t let their work life get in the way of their private life.
Honestly, it takes time and you’ll eventually find many women who are mature and don’t see your job as a way to identify who you actually are.
I would have thought a lot of women are attracted to it because they are brave or whatever.
Original post by Zarek
Not everyone is anti police, although it must be said the profession hasn’t been getting the best of publicity of late. I think most police officers manage to find a partner so keep at it
Of late? Their public image has been tainted since at least the 1960s.
Original post by karl pilkington
I would have thought a lot of women are attracted to it because they are brave or whatever.
Honestly id be attracted to it, but each to their own
Original post by Anonymous
Most officers within England end up in relationships with people from the force which lead to a divorce 80% of the time, haha. Hence why I’m trying to avoid a relationship within the force.
I think you will find lots of women who appreciate that most police officers are not misogynistic corrupt scoundrels and indeed some women that view it as an attractive profession. Good luck
I think a lot of people aren't keen on being too close to the police in any relationship, not so much hate as caution, you hear plenty tales of officers who can't turn off the detective senses even when with friends and family and it makes people uneasy, as frankly very few of us are squeaky clean. If I found myself associating with a police officer I would probably make polite excuses and leave.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I am a serving police officer and have been serving for 3 years. I’m currently 22.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
I had broken up with my ex about a year ago because apparently “I wasn’t able to give her the attention she required”.
A while after the break up - I ended up making an account on a dating website. I wasn’t able to list my job on the website due to security.
I ended up talking with a few women who seemed decent and I felt like we were connecting. As soon as we end up getting into a deeper conversation, I reveal my actual career path I had chosen, and it seems that they all end up drifting away from me / avoiding me / some even throw a few curses at me, haha.
Just wanted to ask why most women on dating websites around my age hate on police officers.
I’m assuming they assume all police officers are just evil people.
It's a mix of anecdotal and personal experience and media representation.
You see what the cops in the US are doing. You heard about the UK cop who murdered that girl (I think her name was Sarah?)
You ever need police help and you experience just how unhelpful or outright antagonistic they might be. You hear your mom talk about how her sister's husband who was a cop used to abuse her but got away with it because he was a cop. You hear from your friend about how she reported an assault and instead of helping her, the police blamed her. You see police officers on a power trip.
The examples are endless.
Being a cop might not make you a bad person but considering the fact that majority of people have had some sort of bad experience with the police immiediately makes them wary of you.
Original post by Mara1680
It's a mix of anecdotal and personal experience and media representation.
You see what the cops in the US are doing. You heard about the UK cop who murdered that girl (I think her name was Sarah?)
You ever need police help and you experience just how unhelpful or outright antagonistic they might be. You hear your mom talk about how her sister's husband who was a cop used to abuse her but got away with it because he was a cop. You hear from your friend about how she reported an assault and instead of helping her, the police blamed her. You see police officers on a power trip.
The examples are endless.
Being a cop might not make you a bad person but considering the fact that majority of people have had some sort of bad experience with the police immiediately makes them wary of you.
You see what the cops in the US are doing. You heard about the UK cop who murdered that girl (I think her name was Sarah?)
You ever need police help and you experience just how unhelpful or outright antagonistic they might be. You hear your mom talk about how her sister's husband who was a cop used to abuse her but got away with it because he was a cop. You hear from your friend about how she reported an assault and instead of helping her, the police blamed her. You see police officers on a power trip.
The examples are endless.
Being a cop might not make you a bad person but considering the fact that majority of people have had some sort of bad experience with the police immiediately makes them wary of you.
The incident which resulted to Sarah Everard’s death was an unfortunate event. The service was devastated when it was identified that the murder was caused by a serving police officer. Disciplinary had been updated and security had been tightened ever since Sarah Everard’s incident. What had happened is irreversible - however I don’t seem why all officers should be blamed for that one psychopath’s action.
There was also another incident regarding 2 officers exploiting their powers to take a picture of a disturbing scene. My initial reaction to that incident was dumbfounded as it wasn’t the public committing these disgusting actions, but it was a serving officer.
due to the pictures being taken and publicised - both officers were prisoned for 3 years.
although 3 years seems short, being an ex officer in prison as a prisoner for a single day is a death sentence.
Original post by Anonymous
The incident which resulted to Sarah Everard’s death was an unfortunate event. The service was devastated when it was identified that the murder was caused by a serving police officer. Disciplinary had been updated and security had been tightened ever since Sarah Everard’s incident. What had happened is irreversible - however I don’t seem why all officers should be blamed for that one psychopath’s action.
For the sake of debate, not ALL officers were likely as devastated as others given his Whatsapp group.
Not claiming that ls any more than the minority it is, but when people are rolling out the phrase 'Well it's a few bad apples' they are always hesitant to complete the saying, that those bad apples ruin the barrel. In that these criminals damage the force so much, that 100 good cops can't hope to balance it in public perception.
Original post by StriderHort
For the sake of debate, not ALL officers were likely as devastated as others given his Whatsapp group.
Not claiming that ls any more than the minority it is, but when people are rolling out the phrase 'Well it's a few bad apples' they are always hesitant to complete the saying, that those bad apples ruin the barrel. In that these criminals damage the force so much, that 100 good cops can't hope to balance it in public perception.
Not claiming that ls any more than the minority it is, but when people are rolling out the phrase 'Well it's a few bad apples' they are always hesitant to complete the saying, that those bad apples ruin the barrel. In that these criminals damage the force so much, that 100 good cops can't hope to balance it in public perception.
That's because nobody supports the police unconditionally. People who hate the police, hate the police all the time and unconditionally. People who say they support the police only do so until they or their family are being prosecuted, or they perceive that they are not receiving the service they think they deserve. Contrast this with the national religion (the NHS) which is largely unimpeachable.
A nurse murdered 8 babies recently. Nobody suggests that she has ruined the NHS or that she's a bad apple. They just look the other way and continue to worship the NHS no matter how bad it is. Taxi drivers sexually assault and murder loads of women all the time - yet women still take taxis all the time. The thing against the police is purely a pre-existing animus.
On topic: My ex was a trainee solicitor, and she mainly socialised with professional graduate friends and colleagues. From time to time they wanted to do some lines or go to places where drugs were extremely commonplace. I couldn't go to those places or be associated with them. Ultimately, I didn't want to seperate her from her friends or colleagues and take away the social aspect of her workplace (Friday nights mainly) so we ended it.
I don't buy the whole "you can't give me the attention I need" thing. That isn't specific to policing. The hours aren't usually that long, and lots of jobs have very long hours. Certainly, in my old role, my ex did longer hours than I did.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous
The incident which resulted to Sarah Everard’s death was an unfortunate event. The service was devastated when it was identified that the murder was caused by a serving police officer. Disciplinary had been updated and security had been tightened ever since Sarah Everard’s incident. What had happened is irreversible - however I don’t seem why all officers should be blamed for that one psychopath’s action.
There was also another incident regarding 2 officers exploiting their powers to take a picture of a disturbing scene. My initial reaction to that incident was dumbfounded as it wasn’t the public committing these disgusting actions, but it was a serving officer.
due to the pictures being taken and publicised - both officers were prisoned for 3 years.
although 3 years seems short, being an ex officer in prison as a prisoner for a single day is a death sentence.
There was also another incident regarding 2 officers exploiting their powers to take a picture of a disturbing scene. My initial reaction to that incident was dumbfounded as it wasn’t the public committing these disgusting actions, but it was a serving officer.
due to the pictures being taken and publicised - both officers were prisoned for 3 years.
although 3 years seems short, being an ex officer in prison as a prisoner for a single day is a death sentence.
I don't see how this would invalidate my points.
Being a cop doesn't make you bad. What you do and don't do determines whether you're a good person or not. And it's good (although should be considered normal) that you were disgusted and disturbed with these events.
I suppose the point I was trying to make is that women not wanting to date cops are trying to dodge a bullet.
I'm not sure if you will take this as an extreme comparison, but for example if my potential date revealed they're a Trump supporter (since we're in the UK that isn't as relevant but just for the sake of an example) it would be a definite no for me. I don't think I'd stick around long enough to see whether they're as terrible as my associations with that group, or maybe they're super nice, donate to charity and volunteer at a kitchen soup on the weekends. That sole fact would be a deal breaker for me.
Moreover, I think an additional factor is common values. For example, most cops tend to be conservative. Younger people, especially women tend to lean to the liberal side. If they are passionate about these things or simply unwilling to date somebody on the opposite socio-political spectrum, I see why they would think "oh a police officer, we've got nothing in common".
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