US school district directs teachers to lie to parents about their childrens wellbeing

Hmmm - I don't think that is actually the case. Children still have freedom of will and should not be put in a position where their behaviour is imposed by others. So for example, if a parent were forcing their child not to be gay, that would be a massive red flag and a safeguarding issue that could see authorities intervene. Either way, the point to take home is that these cases are delicate and each case is unique.

As ever the press and certain individuals are making it into a black and white, right vs. wrong where as the reality is it is multi shades of grey.

No it's not. Changing one's pronouns and the name people refer to you is not something a parent should have to consent to, it's not something a parent should decide for their child.

Again, so what? Parent's shouldn't have absolute power over their children or their privacy, children aren't their property. And they absolutely should not have the power to decide whether their child is LGBT. If the school "overrules" a homophobic or transphobic parent then so be it, such a parent does not have 'the best interests of the child in mind'.

That’s just you deciding what’s in the best interests of other people’s children. It’s not your place to do that. If their parents disagree with you then it’s their view that matters, not yours or the school’s. Nobody has a right to overrule them other than the law, and even the law (thankfully) seems to be on the side of parents on this one.

It is a rather unfortunate feature of the LGBT movement that it so often seems to think it ought to have a say in matters pertaining to other people’s children.

And? You are doing exactly the same thing

you've yet to give any reason why the whims of the parents should superscede everything else.

Not at all. I’m saying that children’s parents have the highest right to decide what is in their best interests (within the limits of the law of course); not you, me or anyone else. If they think the child should socially transition then that’s fine, the school can help facilitate it. Otherwise they shouldn’t.

It is you who seems to think that your views supersede the parents, and that you get to decide where parental consent is “genuinely important” and where it isn’t.

For the same reason why teachers need to get parental consent to do pretty much anything with their children (get them vaccinated, take them on a field trip, publish photos of them etc.)

instead of first saying “let’s check if ShallowVale from TSR thinks parental consent is genuinely important here!”

Suffice it to say, I have mentioned TikTok nowhere, not once, not ever.

It’s rather amusing when someone like you tries to make a smartass comment and does little more than come across as illiterate 😂

I would strongly disagree; they’re not reasonable at all.

A person who is a minor is ultimately the responsibility of their parents, not their school. It’s not the school’s place to deceive parents when it comes to information regarding their own children, as if they know better and care more for the well-being of the child.

It turns out they may also be illegal as well. Plenty of lawsuits are already being filed against these sorts of guidelines in many states and some have been won.

It’s even more stupid to assume that all parents are violent to their children and pose a safeguarding risk until proven otherwise. What next? Lie to parents about what grades their child is getting in class tests and homework assignments on the off chance that they’re the type who would beat up their child for getting bad ones?

Sure, a minority of parents are indeed abusive to their children. But in those exceptional cases we’ve got bigger problems than worrying about whether we should let them know their child came out as trans. Then we should have instead been long ago considering whether they’re fit to raise children and whether social services should be taking those children into custody. But in general, it is parents who have highest responsibility and authority for looking after the interests of a child. Schools educate and raise children on behalf of the parents; not vice-versa.

By deceiving parents you’re unlikely to be doing the children any favours; more likely you’ll just be preventing parents from stepping in and deciding what help and guidance should be given to their child at a time when they need it most. That’s obvious to everyone when it comes to kids’ grades; it should be even more obvious when considering something far more consequential like transitioning to a new gender.

No, they do so on behalf of the children themselves. Because it's in the child's interest to receive an education, not because it's in their parents' interest for them to do so.

By deciding that children's parents have the highest right to decide what is in their child's best interests, you are deciding what's in the best interests of other people's children (i.e. the whims of their parents). You're doing the same thing I'm doing, you just don't realise it because you're assuming that whatever the parents want is the default and should come before all else.

Except they don't. Do schools need parental permission for a student to join a book club? Or a chess club? Or some other form of hobby club? If these are within school hours then they don't need consent, and even if they are outside of school hours they may not need consent either. The examples you've given here are separate to that and I've already given reasons why they require parental consent (whereas other things wouldn't) in an earlier post.

And it’s also a good thing that I don’t assume that parents always know and care about what’s best for their child, and recognise that there are exceptional cases.



A student’s social upbringing, well-being and mental health (amongst many other things) are also directly relevant to their time in school. Grades are not the only thing children go to school for.



No, I’m saying that in general, i.e. for the majority of children who are not believed to have abusive parents, schools should not make it a point to deceive parents or conceal information pertaining to the child by default. Parents have a greater right than the school does to determine the appropriate course of action. For example they might not think that the school helping their child to socially transition by using different names/pronouns etc. is the best idea, for their particular child and should be able to veto that.

For the minority of children who do have concerns about their parents being violent or abusive, disclosure or non-disclosure of a transgender identity is hardly the pressing issue. Even if you don’t reveal the child’s trans identity, who knows what else they could get beaten up for? The primary issue here is getting social services involved to see if they need to remove the child from those parents’ custody. But this minority shouldn’t dictate how the majority are dealt with.

And where there is any doubt whatsoever, the wellbeing of the child takes precedence. The simple fact that there are millions of parents who believe their children should be prosecuted for being LGBT, and some even think they should be killed, is evidence enough that such measures are necessary.

Parents rank higher than schools in that hierarchy.

The parent of a child is in fact a very important person to insist that their consent is necessary for something like social transition.

If you’re happy for schools to do something to your own child without your consent that’s fine; not when it comes to everyone else’s!

Deception makes a difference because it is intentional, and it effectively overrules parents, who no doubt do not want to be deceived. The school is in no place to do that.

If the school "overrules" a homophobic or transphobic parent then so be it, such a parent does not have 'the best interests of the child in mind'.

It is simple curtesy and accepting everyone within a school community for who they wish to be, rather than the identity that is effectively imposed on them by others.

I agree that each case is unique - but that’s sort of my point. This sort of policy doesn’t recognise that.

They have a one-size-fits-all approach to guide all children who express that they feel the opposite gender to begin a social transition. Whereas with parents involved who are focused on their child specifically, it’s more plausible to have a tailored approach.

Not at all. I am saying that the parents have the highest right to decide what is in their child’s best interests - higher than you, me or anyone else. I can’t also be saying that I have the highest right to decide what is in their best interests. Those would be completely contradictory statements.

It’s obvious that parents’ decisions are the default and come before yours. They are the ones who are responsible for the child and bear some relevance to their life. If parents think that X is not in the child’s best interests and you think that it is, why on earth should it be your opinion that gets enacted? Who even are you? By the same token there are millions of other strangers on the internet who would disagree with you and think that X is not in the child’s best interests; why not take their opinion?



Of course they do. Sending a child to a school is taken as implied consent to be involved in lessons, activities and other things. A parent also has the right to revoke that consent at any time.

A school cannot say “this child will do Chess Club whether the parent likes it or not”. The maximum they can do is say that “chess is compulsory for students at this school, if you don’t want your child to do it you will have to take them out of this school”.

Why should this be assumed of parents from beforehand though?

There are also plenty of parents who beat their child for getting bad grades; it doesn’t mean the school lies about the students’ grades to their parents “just in case”. If they had evidence that the parents were of this nature then yes, sure.