going from F'ing to Dating ?!
so this guy and I have been like seeing each other for about 1.5 months and he says he really really likes me . we waited till we did it yk . he tells me im beautiful etc etc , forehead kisses the whole shebang . but says because im 17 and hes 23 he cant be my boyfriend . I said he needs to meet my mum so he can reassure her im safe w him . he said that has tm implications if we aren't dating . so how do I tell him I want him to want all of me or he cant have half yk
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“Sorry, I’m not looking for a FWB situation”.
NB. I don’t think he could be making it clearer that he doesn’t want a relationship.
NB. I don’t think he could be making it clearer that he doesn’t want a relationship.
Does your mother know how old he is? 
It sounds like he is only looking for a fwb or some casual dating, not a relationship.
It sounds like he is only looking for a fwb or some casual dating, not a relationship.
my mum knows and thats why she's like iffy and wants to meet him . but he keeps talking ab the future so im like agh idk
Original post by londonmyst
Does your mother know how old he is?
It sounds like he is only looking for a fwb or some casual dating, not a relationship.
It sounds like he is only looking for a fwb or some casual dating, not a relationship.
things. is he said to me - I want a long term relationship w someone
Original post by Admit-One
“Sorry, I’m not looking for a FWB situation”.
NB. I don’t think he could be making it clearer that he doesn’t want a relationship.
NB. I don’t think he could be making it clearer that he doesn’t want a relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
my mum knows and thats why she's like iffy and wants to meet him . but he keeps talking ab the future so im like agh idk
He may not want to risk using the words bf and gf until you are 18 for fear of being falsely accused of criminality.
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a casual arrangement not a committed relationship.
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by londonmyst
He may not want to risk using the words bf and gf until you are 18 for fear of being falsely accused of criminality.
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
Agreed, I like your opinions on this matter @londonmyst and I do think you're brave for stating them (esp. with the accusatory and vicious attitude about age gap relationship involving adults and older teens).
While I believe OP is probably fine, practical realities need to take place.
(edited 1 year ago)
ye coz hes a legal professional so I was thinking the same . coz he always talking ab future and like our ambitions etc so im thinking that the me not being 18 yet is the problem . im 18 in a month so hopefully heel ask me then
Original post by londonmyst
He may not want to risk using the words bf and gf until you are 18 for fear of being falsely accused of criminality.
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a casual arrangement not a committed relationship.
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a casual arrangement not a committed relationship.
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
Original post by Anonymous
ye coz hes a legal professional so I was thinking the same . coz he always talking ab future and like our ambitions etc so im thinking that the me not being 18 yet is the problem . im 18 in a month so hopefully heel ask me then
Be very cautious of all legal professionals who are not students but are in the habit of dating sexually active teenagers.
Regardless of their biological sex or sexual orientation.
My last ex was an IP lawyer, when I dumped him I was 19 and he was in his early 40s.
Still refers to me as his gf, many years after I ended all contact.
He turned stalker and has convinced himself that one day I'll take him back although he knows I've too revolted to ever enter the same room as him since Spring 2014.
oh my god he sounds psycho im so sorry . ye this guy is a lawyer but he only graduated uni a couple years back whereas im going to uni in September
Original post by londonmyst
Be very cautious of all legal professionals who are not students but are in the habit of dating sexually active teenagers.
Regardless of their biological sex or sexual orientation.
My last ex was an IP lawyer, when I dumped him I was 19 and he was in his early 40s.
Still refers to me as his gf, many years after I ended all contact.
He turned stalker and has convinced himself that one day I'll take him back although he knows I've too revolted to ever enter the same room as him since Spring 2014.
Regardless of their biological sex or sexual orientation.
My last ex was an IP lawyer, when I dumped him I was 19 and he was in his early 40s.
Still refers to me as his gf, many years after I ended all contact.
He turned stalker and has convinced himself that one day I'll take him back although he knows I've too revolted to ever enter the same room as him since Spring 2014.
Original post by Anonymous
coz he always talking ab future and like our ambitions etc so im thinking that the me not being 18 yet is the problem . im 18 in a month so hopefully heel ask me then
You not being 18 hasn't been a problem for him having sex with you!
Original post by Anonymous
things. is he said to me - I want a long term relationship w someone
Someone, not you!
I don't know what tm implications are, but it sounds like he's using you for sex and isn't willing to commit. I mean, imagine him going to a law firm do with a schoolgirl on his arm!
Communication is key is a relationship, so meet in a neutral place, sit him down, ask him what his intentions are and say what you want to see from him. But what were you expecting when you jumped into bed with him before dating and getting to know him?
what similarities does a 17 year old have with a 23 year old… even if you were in a relationship it might not even last.
Original post by londonmyst
He may not want to risk using the words bf and gf until you are 18 for fear of being falsely accused of criminality.
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a casual arrangement not a committed relationship.
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
If nothing illegal is going on, you really enjoy seeing him and your studies are not being disrupted- wait until you are 18 before you ask him about meeting your mother.
But if he says no, you will know that he does not share your ambitions and is probably only interested in a casual arrangement not a committed relationship.
People can get very accusatory and vicious about age gap relationships involving adults & 16-17 year olds.
Even if there is nothing illegal going on and both people are mature & compatible.
I've always dated guys at least 15 years older than me .
Weren’t Gemma Owen and Jacques from Love Island boyfriend and girlfriend when she was 16/17 and he was 20/21?
to be fair we waited like a month , over 10 dates before we had sex , and also I graduated a year early from school (long story) but im on a gap year starting uni in sept .
he was like I cant tell my friends im seeing you because they'll judge me for seeing a 17 year old and I was j a bit upset about why he wants me in secret and not to the whole world yk
he was like I cant tell my friends im seeing you because they'll judge me for seeing a 17 year old and I was j a bit upset about why he wants me in secret and not to the whole world yk
Original post by Surnia
You not being 18 hasn't been a problem for him having sex with you!
Someone, not you!
I don't know what tm implications are, but it sounds like he's using you for sex and isn't willing to commit. I mean, imagine him going to a law firm do with a schoolgirl on his arm!
Communication is key is a relationship, so meet in a neutral place, sit him down, ask him what his intentions are and say what you want to see from him. But what were you expecting when you jumped into bed with him before dating and getting to know him?
Someone, not you!
I don't know what tm implications are, but it sounds like he's using you for sex and isn't willing to commit. I mean, imagine him going to a law firm do with a schoolgirl on his arm!
Communication is key is a relationship, so meet in a neutral place, sit him down, ask him what his intentions are and say what you want to see from him. But what were you expecting when you jumped into bed with him before dating and getting to know him?
like we weirdly have such good convos and like stupid banter but also genuine regard for each other and I think it means e have a relationship where ofc coz of my age he does have a sense of responsibility over me but also doesn't use his age as power over me
Original post by Anonymous
what similarities does a 17 year old have with a 23 year old… even if you were in a relationship it might not even last.
At 23, you cannot pay me a billion pounds to date a 17 year old. Just saying. The dude is a graduate looking for a job or working. You haven't even started uni. People your age in America are wearing uniforms. I genuinely don't understand how some folks function. He didn't see any women his age? He went for a kid who can't even buy her own drinks.
I don't mean to rain on your parade. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Truly, I'm sorry but a lot of weirdos get a thrill from sleeping with barely legal teens. Him waiting a month doesn't mean anything. Some wait half a year to get what they want. If a relationship has to be hidden like this, it's not a relationship you should want. His friends disapprove of such an age gap for a good reason.
I don't mean to rain on your parade. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Truly, I'm sorry but a lot of weirdos get a thrill from sleeping with barely legal teens. Him waiting a month doesn't mean anything. Some wait half a year to get what they want. If a relationship has to be hidden like this, it's not a relationship you should want. His friends disapprove of such an age gap for a good reason.
Original post by Anonymous
to be fair we waited like a month , over 10 dates before we had sex , and also I graduated a year early from school (long story) but im on a gap year starting uni in sept .
he was like I cant tell my friends im seeing you because they'll judge me for seeing a 17 year old and I was j a bit upset about why he wants me in secret and not to the whole world yk
he was like I cant tell my friends im seeing you because they'll judge me for seeing a 17 year old and I was j a bit upset about why he wants me in secret and not to the whole world yk
So were these dates hanging out at his, or actually being in public, doing activities, lunch and dinner dates?
That’s kind of weird and creepy. Don’t get how a 23-year-old would even be interested in someone who’s 17…
Original post by Anonymous
oh my god he sounds psycho im so sorry . ye this guy is a lawyer but he only graduated uni a couple years back whereas im going to uni in September
To be fair, he's an opportunistic dude.
Original post by Surnia
You not being 18 hasn't been a problem for him having sex with you!
Someone, not you!
I don't know what tm implications are, but it sounds like he's using you for sex and isn't willing to commit. I mean, imagine him going to a law firm do with a schoolgirl on his arm!
Communication is key is a relationship, so meet in a neutral place, sit him down, ask him what his intentions are and say what you want to see from him. But what were you expecting when you jumped into bed with him before dating and getting to know him?
Someone, not you!
I don't know what tm implications are, but it sounds like he's using you for sex and isn't willing to commit. I mean, imagine him going to a law firm do with a schoolgirl on his arm!
Communication is key is a relationship, so meet in a neutral place, sit him down, ask him what his intentions are and say what you want to see from him. But what were you expecting when you jumped into bed with him before dating and getting to know him?
Agreed, although if the lawyer is brave enough, he could still try defying social norms and go with a schoolgirl on his arm.
Original post by Anonymous
what similarities does a 17 year old have with a 23 year old… even if you were in a relationship it might not even last.
Depends, although the 17 year old is quite youthful, and if she's a girl, she has more years ahead of her. Might as well go after a youthful girl (above legal age, ofc)
(Original post by Anonymous)to be fair we waited like a month , over 10 dates before we had sex , and also I graduated a year early from school (long story) but im on a gap year starting uni in sept .
he was like I cant tell my friends im seeing you because they'll judge me for seeing a 17 year old and I was j a bit upset about why he wants me in secret and not to the whole world yk
Fair enough, then that dude can wait to some extent. I think you should communicate with him your worries. I think he is too scared about social repercussions, if he wants to date a 17 year old, might as well bite the bullet and defend yourself.
Original post by Anonymous
like we weirdly have such good convos and like stupid banter but also genuine regard for each other and I think it means e have a relationship where ofc coz of my age he does have a sense of responsibility over me but also doesn't use his age as power over me
If what you say is true, the dude should be fine, although you need a convo with him
Original post by jay2013
He sounds weird.
So what? From OP he's a fine dude (although he has his weird traits)
Original post by DarylO
At 23, you cannot pay me a billion pounds to date a 17 year old. Just saying. The dude is a graduate looking for a job or working. You haven't even started uni. People your age in America are wearing uniforms. I genuinely don't understand how some folks function. He didn't see any women his age? He went for a kid who can't even buy her own drinks.
I don't mean to rain on your parade. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Truly, I'm sorry but a lot of weirdos get a thrill from sleeping with barely legal teens. Him waiting a month doesn't mean anything. Some wait half a year to get what they want. If a relationship has to be hidden like this, it's not a relationship you should want. His friends disapprove of such an age gap for a good reason.
I don't mean to rain on your parade. I'm sorry if this hurts you. Truly, I'm sorry but a lot of weirdos get a thrill from sleeping with barely legal teens. Him waiting a month doesn't mean anything. Some wait half a year to get what they want. If a relationship has to be hidden like this, it's not a relationship you should want. His friends disapprove of such an age gap for a good reason.
To be fair, youthful girls have many more years for them in their peak, they'd be nubile for that many more years, so there are good reasons. 16 year olds are mostly capable of consenting to sex anyway (except authority figures and under 16) so fine I guess?
If almost everyone your age (Except the very unattractive girls) reject you, wouldn't it make more sense to go younger (even down to 16) rather than giving up? At least you would have tried your best in the dating market rather than giving up (and that is an important quality to me).
There are many opportunities in the dating market. If those your own age reject you, you could go older/younger (as long as you don't go younger than 16 for sex). Period. If that 23 year old gave up because he couldn't find a gf, I'd look down on him for not having the perserverence to cold approach, even if he has to go younger, maybe 17 or 16 (as long as he's not an authority figure, and both are happy with it, it's fine).
It can be quite attractive to go for a girl who would lick your boots and look up to you, especially if she's youthful enough that she has many years more to go.
Barely legal teens are still fine. 16yo are mostly capable of consenting to it anyway. They may wait half a year, but they get what they want (as long as both sides are happy, it's fine).
Original post by Surnia
So were these dates hanging out at his, or actually being in public, doing activities, lunch and dinner dates?
That's what I'd like to know
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
That’s kind of weird and creepy. Don’t get how a 23-year-old would even be interested in someone who’s 17…
Youthful girls have many years left for them to be nubile ofc. so sure.
It's attractive to have a quite young girl looking up to you naturally because you're so tough/talented etc.
(edited 1 year ago)
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