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Was it my fault that she ghosted after a good date and saying yes to a second date?

I know it happens all the time in online dating but just want to figure out of there’s anything I could have done differently or if it was outside my control.

I had got her WhatsApp number but it didn’t work so after first date I sent on Hinge “Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?”

Next day she replied “Hello (name)! Yeah got home safe thanks, had a lovely eve :smile: yeah meeting up again would be cool :smile:

Next day I replied “Cool, I was thinking we could go to South Bank Christmas Market. Might find a mulled wine instead of gin this time 😂. I can do most evenings & weekend next week except Friday and Thursday. Or the week after, I’m free other than (dates) when I’m away. Let me know what works best for you. :smile: Did you get your glasto tickets btw?”

No reply so 3 days later I sent on WhatsApp when I realised the last 2 digits of her number were the wrong way around “Hey (name), it’s (Name) from Hinge. 🙂 Realised the last 2 digits of your number were the wrong way around. That’s why it didn’t send before. 😂”

She replied “loool oh god were they?!How much wine did I have? 😂Well done for figuring it out”

I replied “Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic? 😂 Tbf, I lost count after the gin - apparently it’s a big thing at markets this year. 😂 Are you still keen on doing it again? 😂 I can do Saturday or Wednesday.”

No reply so a week later I sent “Hello (name), how is your week going? I’m going to (place) tomorrow! 🙂 Did you decide to do (place) and (place name) tour in the end?”

Haven’t heard from her since so a week later I sent a last ditch attempt “I just wanted to say again that I had a really great time with you a few weeks ago, I don’t usually connect that well on a first date. And I would really like to see you again if you’re still up for it. 🙂”. No reply again so I’ve taken that as a no.

Question is is there anything I could have done differently and is it likely to be fault she ghosted? Or was it likely outside my control?

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous #1
I know it happens all the time in online dating but just want to figure out of there’s anything I could have done differently or if it was outside my control.

I had got her WhatsApp number but it didn’t work so after first date I sent on Hinge “Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?”

Next day she replied “Hello (name)! Yeah got home safe thanks, had a lovely eve :smile: yeah meeting up again would be cool :smile:

Next day I replied “Cool, I was thinking we could go to South Bank Christmas Market. Might find a mulled wine instead of gin this time 😂. I can do most evenings & weekend next week except Friday and Thursday. Or the week after, I’m free other than (dates) when I’m away. Let me know what works best for you. :smile: Did you get your glasto tickets btw?”

No reply so 3 days later I sent on WhatsApp when I realised the last 2 digits of her number were the wrong way around “Hey (name), it’s (Name) from Hinge. 🙂 Realised the last 2 digits of your number were the wrong way around. That’s why it didn’t send before. 😂”

She replied “loool oh god were they?!How much wine did I have? 😂Well done for figuring it out”

I replied “Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic? 😂 Tbf, I lost count after the gin - apparently it’s a big thing at markets this year. 😂 Are you still keen on doing it again? 😂 I can do Saturday or Wednesday.”

No reply so a week later I sent “Hello (name), how is your week going? I’m going to (place) tomorrow! 🙂 Did you decide to do (place) and (place name) tour in the end?”

Haven’t heard from her since so a week later I sent a last ditch attempt “I just wanted to say again that I had a really great time with you a few weeks ago, I don’t usually connect that well on a first date. And I would really like to see you again if you’re still up for it. 🙂”. No reply again so I’ve taken that as a no.

Question is is there anything I could have done differently and is it likely to be fault she ghosted? Or was it likely outside my control?

You insulted her badly by asking if she’s an alcoholic!
Out of your control. If you got on well then the alcoholic bit was likely to be taken as intended, a silly joke.

Just how dating works I’m afraid. It’s easier to
ghost someone than let them down.
Reply 3
“Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?” - this whole first message was too simpy and set the frame that she is the prize rather than you, first of all don't say thank you to a girl just for going out with you, assume she had a good time because she was lucky you selected her. Also you seemed too eager by asking her for a second date straight away, this puts girls off. This whole message should have been replaced by something simple like "hey how you doing?"
Reply 4
Original post by Admit-One
Out of your control. If you got on well then the alcoholic bit was likely to be taken as intended, a silly joke.

Just how dating works I’m afraid. It’s easier to
ghost someone than let them down.

I think this makes the most sense, thanks. I’m not into playing mind games.
Reply 5
Original post by Tupmole
You insulted her badly by asking if she’s an alcoholic!

It was a joke though and we had that level of banter during the first date.
Reply 6
Dating is full of unpleasant turns like this, particularly on line dating where you are a commodity. I doubt there is anything that could be done, although the alcoholic quip has the potential to offend. The phone number mistake may have been deliberate
Reply 7
Original post by Zarek
Dating is full of unpleasant turns like this, particularly on line dating where you are a commodity. I doubt there is anything that could be done, although the alcoholic quip has the potential to offend. The phone number mistake may have been deliberate

It was a joke though. And in line with her own dark humour.
At the end of the day no one knows the tone of your messages before and on the date. I would not worry about one quip that may have fallen flat or not. You met up with someone and had a great time, that's a huge win. Just repeat that and don't beat yourself up if things don't go anywhere.
Reply 9
Original post by Admit-One
At the end of the day no one knows the tone of your messages before and on the date. I would not worry about one quip that may have fallen flat or not. You met up with someone and had a great time, that's a huge win. Just repeat that and don't beat yourself up if things don't go anywhere.

I think the tone was great before, on and just after the date. Hence why I’m confused.
Original post by Anonymous
I think the tone was great before, on and just after the date. Hence why I’m confused.


I've had plenty of dates that went well but nothing ever came of them. Nothing to be confused about, just something didn't click for the other person and they didn't want to pursue it any further.
Yeah, dates can go well enough but it really depends if the other person has emotions for you/feels attracted to you. I think it's awkward to say after a good enough date to turn someone down so people don't. Just have to accept that it's the way these days, people don't like rejection so most don't outwardly reject as they know it will likely not be taken well.

Only other thing is perhaps to communicate more on WhatsApp between dates. Carry on the conversation you had while on the date. Find out about what is going on in each others lives day to day. Moving from one date to another can be exhausting so some time out and getting to know each other in between can help. It can avoid you coming across as too eager/desperate also as that tends to decrease your value. If you put yourself in overly ready supply then your value decreases. If you chit chat in WhatsApp then it leaves the girl wondering if you will date again and doing what and that is a good thing. If she had thoughts about not dating again then unless they were strong thoughts chances are she would come around over time with a bit of chit chat in between on WhatsApp etc first.
Reply 12
Original post by Admit-One
I've had plenty of dates that went well but nothing ever came of them. Nothing to be confused about, just something didn't click for the other person and they didn't want to pursue it any further.

But then why did she say yes to a second date? This is the confusing bit.
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous #2
Yeah, dates can go well enough but it really depends if the other person has emotions for you/feels attracted to you. I think it's awkward to say after a good enough date to turn someone down so people don't. Just have to accept that it's the way these days, people don't like rejection so most don't outwardly reject as they know it will likely not be taken well.

Only other thing is perhaps to communicate more on WhatsApp between dates. Carry on the conversation you had while on the date. Find out about what is going on in each others lives day to day. Moving from one date to another can be exhausting so some time out and getting to know each other in between can help. It can avoid you coming across as too eager/desperate also as that tends to decrease your value. If you put yourself in overly ready supply then your value decreases. If you chit chat in WhatsApp then it leaves the girl wondering if you will date again and doing what and that is a good thing. If she had thoughts about not dating again then unless they were strong thoughts chances are she would come around over time with a bit of chit chat in between on WhatsApp etc first.

Well I think ghosting after 1 date is common but saying yes to a second date then ghosting is what I find weird.
Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?
That's the sort of message your grandmother would send. Avoid this type of message. Be more masculine in a light hearted, jokey, mucking around, having fun, enjoying life, being positive and enthusiastic kind of way.
The question at the end of the message was too insecure and too much like a begging dog.
Also when did you send this message? 1 am, the same night? 9 am the next morning?
There's loads of great messages you could have sent her. Given the context of the whatsapp number something like;
"I think someone spiked my drink last night, 🙂 making my fingers go numb. As it looks like I entered your whatsapp number incorrectly 🙂 Pretty weird, huh? 🙂 "
You could send this message even if she typed her number into your phone.

Cool, I was thinking we could go to South Bank Christmas Market. Might find a mulled wine instead of gin this time 😂. I can do most evenings & weekend next week except Friday and Thursday. Or the week after, I’m free other than (dates) when I’m away. Let me know what works best for you. Did you get your glasto tickets btw?
Too much info about when you're free. The bit about the South Bank Market indicated you were too invested in her. Avoid putting the ball in her court with phrases like "Let me know what works best for you" Do you really care about her glasto tickets? Or were you just making the sort of small talk your grandmother would make?
A simpler message such as "If we met at the Winter Wonderland, our 2nd date would be so cool it'd be absolutely Scott of the Antartic freezing cold. 🙂 I'd be worried about parts of my anatomy dropping off. 🙂 . How cool is that? 🙂 "

“Hey (name), it’s (Name) from Hinge. 🙂 Realised the last 2 digits of your number were the wrong way around. That’s why it didn’t send before. 😂”
OK message.

Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic? 😂 Tbf, I lost count after the gin - apparently it’s a big thing at markets this year. 😂 Are you still keen on doing it again? 😂 I can do Saturday or Wednesday.
Don't insult her! Don't make mean jokes at her expense. You could have made a just as funny booze joke by rewording what you said. Also to follow up an insult with you asking her out doesn't make sense. Would have been better to playfully push her away if you were going to insult her in a banterish way.
Little anecdotes are fine additions to your conversation. EG:
"My mate Barry takes an abacus with him every time he goes out. So that he can keep a track of how many drinks he's had. Trouble is, after 7 pints he's not sure if he's sliding 1 or 2 beads across. 🙂 "

Hello (name), how is your week going? I’m going to (place) tomorrow! 🙂 Did you decide to do (place) and (place name) tour in the end?
Combination of sounding desperate and sounding like your grandmother.

I just wanted to say again that I had a really great time with you a few weeks ago, I don’t usually connect that well on a first date. And I would really like to see you again if you’re still up for it. 🙂”.
Ditto. Grandmother and desperate.
(edited 6 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
I know it happens all the time in online dating but just want to figure out of there’s anything I could have done differently or if it was outside my control.

I had got her WhatsApp number but it didn’t work so after first date I sent on Hinge “Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?”

Next day she replied “Hello (name)! Yeah got home safe thanks, had a lovely eve :smile: yeah meeting up again would be cool :smile:

Next day I replied “Cool, I was thinking we could go to South Bank Christmas Market. Might find a mulled wine instead of gin this time 😂. I can do most evenings & weekend next week except Friday and Thursday. Or the week after, I’m free other than (dates) when I’m away. Let me know what works best for you. :smile: Did you get your glasto tickets btw?”

No reply so 3 days later I sent on WhatsApp when I realised the last 2 digits of her number were the wrong way around “Hey (name), it’s (Name) from Hinge. 🙂 Realised the last 2 digits of your number were the wrong way around. That’s why it didn’t send before. 😂”

She replied “loool oh god were they?!How much wine did I have? 😂Well done for figuring it out”

I replied “Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic? 😂 Tbf, I lost count after the gin - apparently it’s a big thing at markets this year. 😂 Are you still keen on doing it again? 😂 I can do Saturday or Wednesday.”

No reply so a week later I sent “Hello (name), how is your week going? I’m going to (place) tomorrow! 🙂 Did you decide to do (place) and (place name) tour in the end?”

Haven’t heard from her since so a week later I sent a last ditch attempt “I just wanted to say again that I had a really great time with you a few weeks ago, I don’t usually connect that well on a first date. And I would really like to see you again if you’re still up for it. 🙂”. No reply again so I’ve taken that as a no.

Question is is there anything I could have done differently and is it likely to be fault she ghosted? Or was it likely outside my control?

just stop online datingggg
do everything u can face to face
analysing these texts like they're bloody gcse english language isn't gonna help
find someone you actually have something in common with irl
Reply 16
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Thank you for a great evening and hope you get home safe. I enjoyed our drinks. 🙂 Would you be up for meeting again?
That's the sort of message your grandmother would send. Avoid this type of message. Be more masculine in a light hearted, jokey, mucking around, having fun, enjoying life, being positive and enthusiastic kind of way.
The question at the end of the message was too insecure and too much like a begging dog.
Also when did you send this message? 1 am, the same night? 9 am the next morning?
There's loads of great messages you could have sent her. Given the context of the whatsapp number something like;
"I think someone spiked my drink last night, 🙂 making my fingers go numb. As it looks like I entered your whatsapp number incorrectly 🙂 Pretty weird, huh? 🙂 "
You could send this message even if she typed her number into your phone.

Cool, I was thinking we could go to South Bank Christmas Market. Might find a mulled wine instead of gin this time 😂. I can do most evenings & weekend next week except Friday and Thursday. Or the week after, I’m free other than (dates) when I’m away. Let me know what works best for you. Did you get your glasto tickets btw?
Too much info about when you're free. The bit about the South Bank Market indicated you were too invested in her. Avoid putting the ball in her court with phrases like "Let me know what works best for you" Do you really care about her glasto tickets? Or were you just making the sort of small talk your grandmother would make?
A simpler message such as "If we met at the Winter Wonderland, our 2nd date would be so cool it'd be absolutely Scott of the Antartic freezing cold. 🙂 I'd be worried about parts of my anatomy dropping off. 🙂 . How cool is that? 🙂 "

“Hey (name), it’s (Name) from Hinge. 🙂 Realised the last 2 digits of your number were the wrong way around. That’s why it didn’t send before. 😂”
OK message.

Are you sure you’re not an alcoholic? 😂 Tbf, I lost count after the gin - apparently it’s a big thing at markets this year. 😂 Are you still keen on doing it again? 😂 I can do Saturday or Wednesday.
Don't insult her! Don't make mean jokes at her expense. You could have made a just as funny booze joke by rewording what you said. Also to follow up an insult with you asking her out doesn't make sense. Would have been better to playfully push her away if you were going to insult her in a banterish way.
Little anecdotes are fine additions to your conversation. EG:
"My mate Barry takes an abacus with him every time he goes out. So that he can keep a track of how many drinks he's had. Trouble is, after 7 pints he's not sure if he's sliding 1 or 2 beads across. 🙂 "

Hello (name), how is your week going? I’m going to (place) tomorrow! 🙂 Did you decide to do (place) and (place name) tour in the end?
Combination of sounding desperate and sounding like your grandmother.

I just wanted to say again that I had a really great time with you a few weeks ago, I don’t usually connect that well on a first date. And I would really like to see you again if you’re still up for it. 🙂”.
Ditto. Grandmother and desperate.

Thank you for this. So do you think the alcoholic comment was what killed it? Funny as I was just carrying on the dark humour and banter she had. Also she sort of suggested it with her how much wine did I have comment.
Given she stopped responding directly after the joke about her being an alcoholic, I'd put my money on this comment being the thing that scared her off.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you for this. So do you think the alcoholic comment was what killed it? Funny as I was just carrying on the dark humour and banter she had. Also she sort of suggested it with her how much wine did I have comment.

It started being killed from your first message to her. Your communication was too unattractive from the start. And then the alcoholic joke question from you was the stake through the heart of your budding relationship with her.

On top of that, there's how you behaved during the date with her. Was too much of your conversation the sort of stuff your grandma would say? Did the first date go on too long? Did you do enough to differentiate yourself from the crowd of men she's had contacting her via Hinge?

It's quite possible that some other guy has come along and swept her off her feet. Especially if she had reasonably attractive looking photos on her profile.
Original post by Anonymous #1
But then why did she say yes to a second date? This is the confusing bit.

I can’t answer that. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe she thought it was easier than saying “actually I don’t think I’d fancy that”. It’s difficult to let someone down and they may have had people turn weird or unpleasant in the past.

Focus on the positives. You met someone you liked and had a good time.

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