When someone has gone and smeared your reputation, how do you start over?

I've moved away from the narcissist and group of people she recruited, and although they still harass me online, I feel safer physically. Now I just have to work on creating a new life and network, but I'm very untrusting of people and emotionally drained. How would you go about it?

Reply 1

1582

Volunteer Team

You need to continously be reminding yourself that new people you meet are not responsible for nor have no knowledge of your past. New people won't have a reason to dislike or mislead you right off the bat unless you give them one.

Be outgoing, friendly, and learn how to put your faith in people again.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 2

Biggz1984

First thing to do would be to make it as difficult as possible for the people still harassing you to be able to have any kind of access to you at all.. i know this is easier said than done but I’d seriously consider reporting any further hateful communication to the relevant authorities, cyber bullying is quite frowned upon so I’m led to believe, if they’re able to access information regarding any new friends you have on social media then they could try ruining things for you.. then start work on building your new social life without these toxic people involved.. it’ll take time for you to feel fully comfortable again I’d imagine but until you manage to make a clean break from them you’ll probably have a hard time living a normal life without drama

Reply 3

Biggz1984

Also try having a look for any social groups you could join.. probably be a lot easier to make new friends if you’re all in a place where you have common interests

Reply 4

FlowerGirl2086

First of all, that situation sucks, I'm sorry. Here's my thoughts on this:
1) Block them all everywhere, and if they're still harassing you online then report it to the authorities. Take screenshots and try to have as much evidence as possible to back up your case
2) Go back to your roots and think about yourself. As long as you're a good person who lives to your own values, these people can only smear your reputation as much as people who don't know you/know the real you will believe, because everyone who meets you will know that they're not telling the truth.
3) Remind yourself that it's not your fault, and you're not to blame for their actions. Self-love and self-affirmation, not self-blame.
4) Some dating apps (such as Bumble) have settings for finding friends and making new connections. Bumble has a "bff" section and a "bizz" section, for friends and business connections respectively. This might be a way of expanding your network while being able to vet the people you meet, perhaps helping you to be a bit more trusting of them.
5) You talk about this group of people, but hopefully you still have a family support network outside of that. Make use of this if you possibly can, it can only be a good thing to have a group of people (hopefully) on your side and by your side.
6) Don't define yourself by your past with these people, or the smears that they're painting you as. If you internalise them, then they're winning. You're a better person, the same but free of those toxic people. Success is the best revenge.
7) One thing I always recommend to people who are untrusting of people: Get a pet if you don't have one (if you are in the right mindset/financial situation/environment to be able to care for it properly). They will provide you with a new source of love, give you a new meaning in your life, and will also maybe force you to be more social (almost everybody who is a good person loves animals). It'll also help you maintain a positive relationship absolutely not based on your reputation, just on you as a person.
Hope this helps!

Reply 5

paperpundit

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry to hear that you've been through so much. Here are some steps you could take to start building a new life and network:

Seek support: Consider reaching out to a therapist or support group to help you process your emotions and build resilience. Talking to someone who understands what you've been through can help you feel less isolated and more empowered to move forward.

Start small: Begin by setting small goals for yourself, such as trying a new hobby or attending a social event. By taking small steps, you can build your confidence and gradually expand your social circle.

Join a community: Look for groups or organizations that align with your interests and values. Whether it's a book club, a fitness class, or a volunteer organization, joining a community can help you meet like-minded people and build new friendships.

Be open-minded: While it's important to be cautious when meeting new people, try to keep an open mind and be willing to give others a chance. Not everyone is like the narcissist and their group, and by keeping an open mind, you may be surprised at the connections you can make.

Practice self-care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. This may include getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and practicing mindfulness or meditation.

Remember, building a new life and network takes time and effort. It's important to be patient and kind to yourself along the way.

Smile! :-)

Reply 6

jay2013

Original post by Anonymous

Do not trust anyone.

People will inevitably stab you in the back. They will lie to you. They will deceive you. They will use you to get what they want. Do not let them. Like I said do not trust anyone.

If people are harassing you then harass them right back. This world is a very tough place and sometimes you need to be strong, vicious and vindictive especially with people who are wronging you.