Q5:Write a short story about a lonely and isolated place, any tips for improvement?

The dilapidated cabin perched at the centre of a diminutive Caribbean island, far from mainland America. The Sun dripped warmth like hot wax.The land glowed with light, the heat so strong it dazzled. The horizon rippled, as though some Greek god had been reborn to hurl shafts of glorious light onto the secluded hut below. The sky boasted its artist's trickery: cobalt blue depths, rich azure outlines to the few white clouds, the Sun crowned by a sapphire halo. The island was ghost-quiet, except for the rustle of palm leaves in the genial summer breeze and the burbling of ocean against sand.

Reply 1

limbobimbo

16

It's really good, however the sentences don't really flow with each other, I'd suggest adding in connectives since 'The ...' is getting slightly repetitive.

Reply 2

Solomon_S2

OP

2

Original post by limbobimbo

It's really good, however the sentences don't really flow with each other, I'd suggest adding in connectives since 'The ...' is getting slightly repetitive.

thanks

Reply 3

toxicgamage56

Universities Forum Helper

19

Your writing isn't good if you just chuck in a bunch of big words and random language techniques. It needs to flow well - you can use simple words here and there too. This means your ambitious vocabulary will pack more of a punch and your writing becomes a lot more fluid and logical. Like in the first sentence, you could just say small Caribbean island instead of "diminutive". It's also weird how you talk about the sun in the second sentence, move on, then go back to the sun's halo; doing that makes your description fragmented.

Reply 4

Solomon_S2

OP

2

Original post by toxicgamage56

Your writing isn't good if you just chuck in a bunch of big words and random language techniques. It needs to flow well - you can use simple words here and there too. This means your ambitious vocabulary will pack more of a punch and your writing becomes a lot more fluid and logical. Like in the first sentence, you could just say small Caribbean island instead of "diminutive". It's also weird how you talk about the sun in the second sentence, move on, then go back to the sun's halo; doing that makes your description fragmented.

Fair enough

Reply 5

limbobimbo

16

Original post by Solomon_S2

Fair enough

they are right, usually what examiners look for is a story that flows well and keeps the reader interested, using ambitious vocab is good but sometimes less is more

Q5:Write a short story about a lonely and isolated place, any tips for improvement?

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