can someone plz mark my story for english lang
An interesting offer.
Where am i?I fell helplessly, grinding on my teeth, digging my nails in to my head . My head was throbbing as though i had been hit mercilessly with all one’s might .
‘no ,NO!’not again i managed to stutter ,under my somewhat heavy breathing. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, desperately attempting to escape it’s prison. cold sweat dripped down my body as water would from a melting icicle. A hypothermic shiver surrounded me in captivity, easily taming me.
I tried to scream but to my disappointment failed miserably. I sat there begging for help,(it was no use)i was as good as dead.
Her darkly disfigured face just inches from mine. The peculiarity of her unfamiliar, yet well-known presence ,that altered my brain chemistry. Fear turned to bewilderment. My ice-cold tears ran dry ,staring in to her pale face. Her features began to unravel one by one; the heart shaped lips,the soft, hazel eyes and sharp jaw line. At first i stared blankly,puzzled. “who was she? could this be deja vu?”I could feel my muscles tensing up once again as i began to perceive her identity.
It was her.
She tormented me every dawn . I never wanted to do it but she made me, as though i was a puppet whome’s stings were at her fingertips. I was always the weak one tolerating all kinds off torture from kids at school and “friends”.I regret what i did, i tried to tell them it wasant me but to my dismay no one believed me. No one did, even when she wasant around so why am i so distraught . I mean they brought it upon themselves .They made me live in agony leaving me no choice. As much as i blamed her, she was the only source of light i discovered in the depths of darkness . At first i was a no one . A soda can being kicked around. Now because of her,i at least feel human. I was a nobody .Why am i angry at her? i should be thanking her .She saved me she gave me a reason to live. For months i was labelled a monster. I hated myself but now i comprehend it as a clear mystification .Maybe us so called criminals/monsters arent just broken people, maybe we’re the victims. The ones who chose to live rather than leaving. The one’s who chose to fight back rather than living as an unnoticeable victim ,living every second as a chore.
she was the enemy i fought, only to realise she was my only friend. . i wasant going to hate myself any more. Maybe it was time to not only appreciate myself but her. i could feel my body regaining its energy . I smiled wrapping my hands around her, burring my face in to her shoulder as I shed my last tears .I loosened my grip to walk over to the mirror. I wiped the tears off my off my hazel eyes.
“so what do u say?” as she held out her hand. A smile spread across my severely chapped, heart-shaped lips.
plz tell me any ways i can improve and mistakes i made and if possible what grade i would get for this
Where am i?I fell helplessly, grinding on my teeth, digging my nails in to my head . My head was throbbing as though i had been hit mercilessly with all one’s might .
‘no ,NO!’not again i managed to stutter ,under my somewhat heavy breathing. I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest, desperately attempting to escape it’s prison. cold sweat dripped down my body as water would from a melting icicle. A hypothermic shiver surrounded me in captivity, easily taming me.
I tried to scream but to my disappointment failed miserably. I sat there begging for help,(it was no use)i was as good as dead.
Her darkly disfigured face just inches from mine. The peculiarity of her unfamiliar, yet well-known presence ,that altered my brain chemistry. Fear turned to bewilderment. My ice-cold tears ran dry ,staring in to her pale face. Her features began to unravel one by one; the heart shaped lips,the soft, hazel eyes and sharp jaw line. At first i stared blankly,puzzled. “who was she? could this be deja vu?”I could feel my muscles tensing up once again as i began to perceive her identity.
It was her.
She tormented me every dawn . I never wanted to do it but she made me, as though i was a puppet whome’s stings were at her fingertips. I was always the weak one tolerating all kinds off torture from kids at school and “friends”.I regret what i did, i tried to tell them it wasant me but to my dismay no one believed me. No one did, even when she wasant around so why am i so distraught . I mean they brought it upon themselves .They made me live in agony leaving me no choice. As much as i blamed her, she was the only source of light i discovered in the depths of darkness . At first i was a no one . A soda can being kicked around. Now because of her,i at least feel human. I was a nobody .Why am i angry at her? i should be thanking her .She saved me she gave me a reason to live. For months i was labelled a monster. I hated myself but now i comprehend it as a clear mystification .Maybe us so called criminals/monsters arent just broken people, maybe we’re the victims. The ones who chose to live rather than leaving. The one’s who chose to fight back rather than living as an unnoticeable victim ,living every second as a chore.
she was the enemy i fought, only to realise she was my only friend. . i wasant going to hate myself any more. Maybe it was time to not only appreciate myself but her. i could feel my body regaining its energy . I smiled wrapping my hands around her, burring my face in to her shoulder as I shed my last tears .I loosened my grip to walk over to the mirror. I wiped the tears off my off my hazel eyes.
“so what do u say?” as she held out her hand. A smile spread across my severely chapped, heart-shaped lips.
plz tell me any ways i can improve and mistakes i made and if possible what grade i would get for this
(edited 11 months ago)
I wouldn't be qualified to help with marking, but I'd be happy to help you with your SPAG if you'd like? 
Was the story written following any kind of brief or instructions? From what I remember of my English lang GCSE, we were given 'prompts' with what the themes or content of the story could include.
Was the story written following any kind of brief or instructions? From what I remember of my English lang GCSE, we were given 'prompts' with what the themes or content of the story could include.
Original post by CriticalMuppet
I wouldn't be qualified to help with marking, but I'd be happy to help you with your SPAG if you'd like?
Was the story written following any kind of brief or instructions? From what I remember of my English lang GCSE, we were given 'prompts' with what the themes or content of the story could include.
Was the story written following any kind of brief or instructions? From what I remember of my English lang GCSE, we were given 'prompts' with what the themes or content of the story could include.
yes please anything would help and no i do igcse the question was just to write a story titled the intresting offer.(worth 35 marks)
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